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Old 06-17-2019, 06:20 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Went to my first al-anon meeting


I finally went to my first al-anon meeting today. I donít know whatís wrong with me. I immediately started crying as soon as everyone started to introduce themselves to the point I couldnít even introduce myself. Half our meeting was focused on those who have suffered sexual abuse as kids so I more or less tuned at at that point... I canít handle listening to it itís too awful. and now I just feel SO angry towards AH. Absolutely everything he does or says, even looking at me for a second too long is met with a bitchy comment, tearing up, eye roll, huff, or me leaving the room and going elsewhere.
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Old 06-17-2019, 06:39 PM   #2 (permalink)
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I cried at my first 5 or 6 meetings. I was a complete mess. But my tears were met with such compassion and understanding. My ex had the nerve to CALL me obsessively while she knew I was in meetings! How insane is that! Sheíd be home drunk selfishly wanting attention! Grrrrr! I wouldnít answer obviously... but when I finally had the courage to speak, thatís what I first vented about!! And when I came home... anger doesnít even describe how I felt!!!

Completely understand. Happy you went.
Glad youíre here.
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Old 06-17-2019, 07:47 PM   #3 (permalink)
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I cried at my first and many meetings after that!

Keep going - it gets better! Eventually the lump in my throat diminished and I was eventually even able to share (which usually made me cry anyway). I am so grateful for all that crying, what a river the dam had been holding back. It needed to break the dam and flow out!
Peace,
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Old 06-17-2019, 08:56 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Good on you for giving it a try Quiet. I didn't go that route but know Alanon has saved people's lives.

You probably know to try a few different meetings.

Ugh . . . that horrific rage . . . ugh . . .yep been there.
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Old 06-18-2019, 03:18 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Glad you went, QT. My first Alanon meeting was a "beginner's meeting", which some areas offer. It's basically a very small meeting with almost equal numbers of old hands and newcomers.

Anyway, I'd been checking online, locating listings for the many meetings around my area (fortunate that way) but had not yet attended one. This particular night, something just gave way and I raced out of the house with barely enough time to make this meeting. As so many do, I cried throughout the meeting, partly in pain and fear and partly in relief to be where I could do so and feel safe doing it.

As the meeting was wrapping up, one of the old hands said "We recently had a donation of some Alanon reading materials and so we'll draw straws now to see who will take home this copy of "How Alanon Works for Families and Friends of Alcoholics." There were 4 or 5 of us newbies there, and I didn't win the draw.

However, the woman who did win looked across the table at me and said "why don't you give the book to her? She looks like she needs it way more than me!" And so I became the grateful owner of that book. I went home clutching my prize and then laid in bed, reading it. I no longer felt so alone, or quite so afraid.

In the time to come, I changed jobs and schedules and so had reason to attend a number of different meetings in my area. That was also a blessing, as I got a chance to see just how much meetings can vary and to choose the ones that were most beneficial for me. I no longer go on a regular basis, but it was a very important part of my earlier recovery. Alanon and SR are a powerful combination for change and healing, IMHO, and I hope you're able to take advantage of both. They changed my life, that's for sure.
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Old 06-18-2019, 12:41 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by QuietlyTired View Post
I finally went to my first al-anon meeting today. I donít know whatís wrong with me. I immediately started crying as soon as everyone started to introduce themselves
I'm so glad you went QuietlyTired. I only ever went to one meeting (and it was great and the people were great).

I didn't share and didn't read or anything, everyone was very kind.

I didn't cry but honestly, it took huge hold back not to, I could have sat there and cried through the whole thing as well. From experiences I have read this is normal!

Really, why wouldn't it be. I think it's like having this huge burden and walking in to a room full of people who are really saying hey, let us help you with that, that just emotional stuff right there.
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Old 06-18-2019, 01:10 PM   #7 (permalink)
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QT: I cry often at the meetings. I get in there and all the emotion of the last 10 years just floods me. The passages that are read always connect to me...and it stirs it all up. I went to my first meeting 6 years ago and swore I would never go back. It took me a couple years of denial to re-engage. Now that my AW is no longer in the picture I do it for my own sanity as I have so much to recover from too in the wake of this horrible, destructive disease.
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Old 06-18-2019, 01:58 PM   #8 (permalink)
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I bawled my way through at least five or six Celebrate Recovery meetings before I spoke to anyone at all. It's ok. Keep going back.

Huge hugs.
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Old 06-18-2019, 10:55 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by LifeChangeNYC View Post
I cried at my first 5 or 6 meetings. I was a complete mess. But my tears were met with such compassion and understanding. My ex had the nerve to CALL me obsessively while she knew I was in meetings! How insane is that! Sheíd be home drunk selfishly wanting attention! Grrrrr! I wouldnít answer obviously... but when I finally had the courage to speak, thatís what I first vented about!! And when I came home... anger doesnít even describe how I felt!!!

Completely understand. Happy you went.
Glad youíre here.
thanks lifechange! My ah also craves attention. I didnít tell him I went to aa meeting, but when we are home together he is like a child, needing to constantly be doing some sort of stunt or dance or whatever until I drop whatever Iím doing to watch.
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Old 06-29-2019, 06:08 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Hi QT,

How are you doing today?
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Old 07-04-2019, 11:07 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Went to two more meetings, three in total and ended up having a massive panic attack after the third. Like a 24 hour crying thought I was dying having a heart attack panic attack. So bad I went to the drs. I donít think I am ready for al anon. Maybe once the alcoholic is out of my daily life Iíll try again...
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Old 07-06-2019, 09:10 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Was the panic attack connected to the meeting itself, something that was talked about or the general "facing a whole lot of trauma"?

There are baby steps that can be taken to provide you with much needed support through this, here and possibly some other options in person. The Al-Anon daily readers or other books about relationships may be a safe starting point for you.

One day at a time.

What in person support do you have?
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Old 07-08-2019, 02:17 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Was the panic attack connected to the meeting itself, something that was talked about or the general "facing a whole lot of trauma"?

There are baby steps that can be taken to provide you with much needed support through this, here and possibly some other options in person. The Al-Anon daily readers or other books about relationships may be a safe starting point for you.

One day at a time.

What in person support do you have?
I am not sure if it was connected to the meeting, it seemed logical at the time after crying through and after the first two to just have a complete meltdown after the third.
Iíll check out the books, thanks for the tip.
In person support, my sister who is very self centered. Otherwise no one I feel comfortable unloading on.
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Old 07-08-2019, 07:14 PM   #14 (permalink)
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QT, I've never done them before, but there are also online Al-Anon meetings.

https://al-anon.org/al-anon-meetings...onic-meetings/
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Old 07-09-2019, 07:45 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Yep cried through the first 4 or 5. Everyone there absolutely gets it! Hang in there
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