What's with all the second guessing?
 

Why do I get stuck in periods where I become consumed with the thought "am I doing the right thing?" "am I making a mistake?" when it comes to divorcing my husband.

Maybe it has something to do with fathers day, and wanting to be a 'happy family' like everyone else (I know that isn't reality, but that's what is fed to us on TV/social media).

Maybe it has something to do with dropping my son off with his dad today to spend the day, and just wanting so badly to be a little family. My son is so happy when he is with both of his parents. Maybe my husband isn't that bad, maybe I could put up with it.

Maybe it has something to do with feeling abandoned by every important man in my life. My dad left me when I was a toddler to go be an alcoholic somewhere else. (hindsight: probably a good idea, but don't tell my inner child that) My husband abandoned me when I discovered his addiction.

I was so naive and deliriously happy as little as 4 years ago. There were always red flags, but I ignored them, and my husband kept most of his drinking to himself (in closed rooms, in hotels alone, etc).

I feel like I'm a stronger person than I was then, but I am definitely not as happy. I know I can't go back, but right now I would give a lot of money to. This is a hard place, that place between happiness. I'm sure there's happiness ahead of me, and there is happiness behind me... but I'm just stuck in the middle.

(I'm not actually planning on stopping the divorce. We had a mediation date set for later this month. I think I'm just grieving)

AutumnMama…..Yes, you are definitely grieving......

I second guess myself too when I think about what could be if he was the man I need him to be. If he was himself without the bad part...sadly not possible and I am beginning to accept this. You will too. It takes time and care. Hang in there.... clarity will come!

Something I have said before, AutumnMama, and your post reminded me that when we grieve the end of a relationship, we are actually grieving double strength. We mourn the loss of the person we loved, and we mourn the loss of the life we expected to have.
What is so hard to accept and reconcile is that someone else’s choices have impacted us so badly. Kind of like getting hit by a car, left injured, while the driver speeds away.
Hugs and good thoughts. You are stronger than you think.

Hugs and support to you AM. Divorce is a grievous thing. It's a hurt like no other and I don't know how to put it into words but I do know exactly what you are going through. It was the roughest time in my life,..I got over the death of my dad much faster then I got over the death of my marriage.

You are right, the "in between" suuuucks... but you will get back to a happy place. It wont be like the other happy place was though, it will be an even better happy place because you will be a stronger woman with much more clarity and (painfully earned) wisdom.

You are doing great, hang in there!

What's with all the second guessing?

I believe it is because we care.

What Alanon taught me is that denial and rationalization are always with me; I have a choice to act on them or keep a lid on them.