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Old 06-13-2019, 12:37 PM   #1 (permalink)
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You know what's sad?


By xabf broke our relationship off a week ago. I'm still heartbroken abd miss him but the days are getting much easier.

But you know whats sad....

Over the last couple of weeks, I have had to explain the situation to multiple people.

5 of my friends all said they have either been with an alcoholic or used to be with one.

How did alcoholism become such a quiet epidemic? Why can't people find the warning signs earlier and listen to them?

Also, I live in Colorado which is the craft brew capital and one of the first states to make pot legal.

Is it just the state I live in?
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Old 06-13-2019, 12:39 PM   #2 (permalink)
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No!!! Once you become aware of it you realize it's absolutely everywhere!!!

It's very disheartening......
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Old 06-13-2019, 12:41 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Yeah I'm online dating now and totally sensitive to it all.
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Old 06-13-2019, 02:31 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Leochic06 View Post
Yeah I'm online dating now and totally sensitive to it all.
youre still obsessed with the last man and online dating now?
dont ya think it would be wise to step away from dating and work on yourself for a bit?
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Old 06-13-2019, 02:38 PM   #5 (permalink)
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I have considered that and I am working on myself.

I think I got online just out of curiosity of what is out there. If I meet someone I intend on taking it painfully slow.

Ive signed up for counseling and have joined some other forums. I know I am not totally over it. But I am having more good days better than bad. My head is becoming more clear over time.
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Old 06-13-2019, 10:17 PM   #6 (permalink)
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My advice, take time for yourself and don’t go looking for dates, especially not online. You need time for yourself, to get over this relationship. My counselor always got on my case about staying to busy to avoid feeling what I’m feeling (though I was not and am not looking for anyone I was just staying busy with exercise, seeing friends and not being home) and you’re probably doing a little bit of the same, looking for a new person to feel good and loved. Well news flash....no one is responsible for you feeling good except you. No one can make you happy, you need to be happy and confortable with yourself first. I went from my controlling mom to my controlling and exercise addicted (and probably bipolar) first ex straight to my alcoholic second ex. I have never been alone until my divorce 6 months ago. I really need it to figure me, who I am and what I want, because for the most part I have lived to make everyone else happy and sort of putting myself on the backburner, as long as everyone else was happy. Very unhealthy I know now. By looking for love already you are running from being alone, sitting with yourself. Very likely you will end up back in a codependent and possibly and other alcoholic relationship. Take time for you, I admit it has been nice to do whatever I want, make my own decisions (which I admit sometimes is scary) have my own place that I picked out and furnished with stuff I picked out. I always went with the flow because I didn’t care so much but I guess it was mostly to keep people happy and I didn’t care enough to give my true opinions sometimes. It is a learning curve.
And I live in Colorado too. I think it has very little to do with THC being legal, most alcoholics don’t really care about tHC as long as they have their alcohol. But yes, once the cat Is out of the bag you discover that many people are affected by it in one way or another, it is just that people don’t typically talk about it due to its stigma. I have decided I don’t care anymore, of course I just got divorced so that is part of it but even the last 2 years when he was in recovery I would tell people what happened. And the vast majority have been affected by it in some shape or form and they are usually willing to talk about it once they know what you have gone through, I think part of it is too that people that have not dealt with this on a personal level don’t really understand it so talking about it with them is just not that helpful.
Take care of yourself, take time to process and mourn the recent loss of relationship. You can ant do that properly if you are already looking for other prospects. It is ok to be alone, in fact it is good to be alone and learn to be happy by yourself. You will make someone a much better partner if you are feeling good in your own skin. And yes, go to counseling, I didn’t know how much I needed counseling and how much I needed to change myself to avoid going back to the same dysfunctional relationships that I have had so far in my life, it has been a life saver and I have learned a lot and it has helped me help a few of my friends and it has helped me professionally as well (helping my patients) I never realized how dysfunctional my upbringing had been and as a result that is why I ended up in the relationships that I did. I would not have changed much had I not done counseling.
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Old 06-14-2019, 01:58 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Alcoholism or over-drinking habitually is everywhere, but a lot of times it's done behind closed doors. I was guilty of that myself.
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Old 06-14-2019, 05:30 AM   #8 (permalink)
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I think it's no longer covered up or covered over. Society, as a whole, has gotten coarser over the last 50 or 60 years. Daniel Patrick Moynihan predicted it decades ago.

*sigh* Colleague came in yesterday, and when she and her husband had been out the night before, witnessed a car full of teens throw something at a homeless man. They asked the man if he was okay. Yes, it happens from time to time, he said, people just do that to us. No big deal, we just get wet.

Big deal if it's not warm, I'd think, or one is already sick.
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Old 06-14-2019, 07:23 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Yeah that's crazy. I just found it amazing how many woman I talked to had been married for decades and ended up getting divorces. Although I know me and my ex are not meant to be together. I also feel like there jusy has to be something that works. I guess I'm new to the whole addiction world. But it just seems like we are behind on helping addicts. And with it being literally everywhere it just makes you wonder what the factors are that cause it.
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Old 06-14-2019, 09:43 AM   #10 (permalink)
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It's not just your state - it's everywhere and it affects everyone....from the bum you see on the corner holding a sign to the dapper guy in the suit and tie sitting in the boardroom.
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Old 06-14-2019, 11:00 AM   #11 (permalink)
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And itís not just men who abuse alcohol.... itís across all genders, $, demographics.
My ex started off as a casual, after 6pm wine drinker and it snowballed into a horrific 24/7 alcoholic nightmare. There are many interesting studies, books and articles on women & alcoholism. I read so many of them trying to understand. Anxiety is a huge factor.
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