Feeling defended
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2018
Location: California
Posts: 467
Feeling defended
Hi everyone, I’m not sure if you all remember me Mamabear here.
Its been awhile since I’ve been on here. My divorce from my AXH was finalized in November. Things between as far as co-parenting (if that’s what you wanna call it) were okay. I now can send him for alcohol testing to help protect my kids but I have yet to send him. He still calls a few times a week drunk. I wasn’t answering for a long time but there was some financial issues that we needed to speak about so I answered. He still will try to verbal abuse me calling me “f**king stupid” and that “I am bad person.” His words no longer bother me. I had tried to make peace with his mother in hopes of having good communication with her would make things easier but I was wrong.
My older son hasn’t been going for visits he just turned 12. My younger son who is 8 has. My children visit with him on the 1st, 3rd and 5th weekends 8am-4pm only, no overnights. My younger son told me that last week there was a party at his parents and there was alcohol there. He said he was in the pool and his father was mingling. My younger son just learned to swim and said he didn’t have a vest on. I sent my X a picture of the court stating he can’t drink 12 hours prior and during the visit and that there is no alcohol permitted on premises while children visit. He never responded. I’m thinking of sending him to get tested for this next visit. I know there is gonna be resistance and verbal attacks but I’m exhausted. I’ve been dealing with his alcoholism for 14 years now. I don’t know what else to do? He constantly pushes the limits. I hate to think this and say this but my worse nightmare is seeing my son in a body bag.
Its been awhile since I’ve been on here. My divorce from my AXH was finalized in November. Things between as far as co-parenting (if that’s what you wanna call it) were okay. I now can send him for alcohol testing to help protect my kids but I have yet to send him. He still calls a few times a week drunk. I wasn’t answering for a long time but there was some financial issues that we needed to speak about so I answered. He still will try to verbal abuse me calling me “f**king stupid” and that “I am bad person.” His words no longer bother me. I had tried to make peace with his mother in hopes of having good communication with her would make things easier but I was wrong.
My older son hasn’t been going for visits he just turned 12. My younger son who is 8 has. My children visit with him on the 1st, 3rd and 5th weekends 8am-4pm only, no overnights. My younger son told me that last week there was a party at his parents and there was alcohol there. He said he was in the pool and his father was mingling. My younger son just learned to swim and said he didn’t have a vest on. I sent my X a picture of the court stating he can’t drink 12 hours prior and during the visit and that there is no alcohol permitted on premises while children visit. He never responded. I’m thinking of sending him to get tested for this next visit. I know there is gonna be resistance and verbal attacks but I’m exhausted. I’ve been dealing with his alcoholism for 14 years now. I don’t know what else to do? He constantly pushes the limits. I hate to think this and say this but my worse nightmare is seeing my son in a body bag.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,629
hi mamabear, good to hear from you.
I can't remember, is there not any possibility that you could have him submit to soberlink for visitation?
I absolutely think you are right to have him tested before the next visit. It is not over-reacting at all. The ground rules are in place and he stomped all over them and then just ignores your text.
I can't remember, is there not any possibility that you could have him submit to soberlink for visitation?
I absolutely think you are right to have him tested before the next visit. It is not over-reacting at all. The ground rules are in place and he stomped all over them and then just ignores your text.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2018
Location: California
Posts: 467
Originally Posted by trailmix 
hi mamabear, good to hear from you.
I can't remember, is there not any possibility that you could have him submit to soberlink for visitation?
I absolutely think you are right to have him tested before the next visit. It is not over-reacting at all. The ground rules are in place and he stomped all over them and then just ignores your text.
I can't remember, is there not any possibility that you could have him submit to soberlink for visitation?
I absolutely think you are right to have him tested before the next visit. It is not over-reacting at all. The ground rules are in place and he stomped all over them and then just ignores your text.
Hi Trailmix, thank you for responding.
During our divorce negotiations I brought up SoberLink and he said he would fight it because he didn’t want to pay for it. My stupid lawyer told me not to rock the boat because he was gonna let me have the house. I foolishly didn’t push it any further.
I hate the drama with him but I feel like I need to start buckling down on the court order. Three years of being separated from him and I’m still fighting the same battle of trying to keep my kids safe.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,629
Yes, I can see how weary that must make you. It seems never ending.
Well since he has ignored the agreement I suppose there is room to take him back to court and have SL put in place now? Just a thought as it would give you peace of mind.
But, barring that, having him tested next time is totally in order, he broke your agreement so you are following up with the plan, doesn't really matter what he thinks about that.
At least if you had SL in place you could have more regular testing and it takes the onus on off you to request testing, since there would be a regular schedule. Assuming the house is now securely in your possession.
Well since he has ignored the agreement I suppose there is room to take him back to court and have SL put in place now? Just a thought as it would give you peace of mind.
But, barring that, having him tested next time is totally in order, he broke your agreement so you are following up with the plan, doesn't really matter what he thinks about that.
At least if you had SL in place you could have more regular testing and it takes the onus on off you to request testing, since there would be a regular schedule. Assuming the house is now securely in your possession.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2018
Location: California
Posts: 467
Originally Posted by trailmix
Yes, I can see how weary that must make you. It seems never ending.
Well since he has ignored the agreement I suppose there is room to take him back to court and have SL put in place now? Just a thought as it would give you peace of mind.
But, barring that, having him tested next time is totally in order, he broke your agreement so you are following up with the plan, doesn't really matter what he thinks about that.
At least if you had SL in place you could have more regular testing and it takes the onus on off you to request testing, since there would be a regular schedule. Assuming the house is now securely in your possession.
Well since he has ignored the agreement I suppose there is room to take him back to court and have SL put in place now? Just a thought as it would give you peace of mind.
But, barring that, having him tested next time is totally in order, he broke your agreement so you are following up with the plan, doesn't really matter what he thinks about that.
At least if you had SL in place you could have more regular testing and it takes the onus on off you to request testing, since there would be a regular schedule. Assuming the house is now securely in your possession.
What evidence could I use to convince the judge to require him to use SL for visits?
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