Spot on perspective on narcissism

Old 12-18-2019, 12:19 PM
  # 41 (permalink)  
Member
 
FionnaPerSe's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2019
Posts: 216
it is not so easy to say. I, as an example, didnt pick my X. he has found his way into my life without me being aware that he has an alcohol problem. By then, I was of course, heavily invested emotionally. So im not sure how is that our problem as partners!? We are people and people get attached and they get to love other people.

Just sayin'
FionnaPerSe is offline  
Old 12-19-2019, 05:17 AM
  # 42 (permalink)  
Member
 
Anaya's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 2,684
Originally Posted by mylifeismine View Post
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-love-you.html (What It Means When a Narcissist Says “I Love You”)

This is from SR, and it is exhaustive. Reading it I can see the continuum
or the range of personality traits from mild to severe. I hope I never
meet someone who is in the severe range. I think addiction/alcoholism
increases narcissistic thinking and true recovery, by allowing self
acceptance allows these traits to fall away, for some. But, it is always the actions, action, actions that reveal the truth.
Thank you so very much for sharing the link. What is shared is certainly an eye opener, the text speaks volumes.

The last two paragraphs follow, with me taking the liberty of copying and pasting: Firstly, RE: "PS: I really, really need help — but you CANNOT do this work for me (not without making things worse for both of us!). Remember, we’re co-addicted to each other, so we’d never go to an addict to get help, right?

Where it says, "...but you CANNOT do this work for me..." Something I have finally accepted; so, who the heck am I to think I can "help him fix" his (abandonment) issues. I am responsible for myself, my choices, my actions, my self preservation.

Otherwise, I used to wish he would have been willing to go for marriage counseling but now am sort of relieved he refused, which takes me to the next copied and pasted section from the above, secondly, RE: "...Only a therapist, with experience in this, stands a chance, and even then, only if I choose to really, really, really let him/her! (That’s because I’d have to face my greatest fear that, not only am I not superior to everyone and thus not entitled to make and break rules as I please, but I’d also have to own — that my own actions, thoughts and beliefs about myself and others — are THE main cause of the suffering in my life … and changing them, THE solution.


So as far as "only a therapist with experience in this.." That's what I've learned doing research, that unless a therapist is aware of and experienced (re: NPD), couples doing the narcissistic and codependency dance while going for marriage counseling might possibly prove disastrous (e.g., the "narcissist" actively manipulating the sessions and so further punishing the spouse).
Anaya is offline  
Old 12-19-2019, 09:57 AM
  # 43 (permalink)  
Member
 
trailmix's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,564
Originally Posted by Anaya View Post
So as far as "only a therapist with experience in this.." That's what I've learned doing research, that unless a therapist is aware of and experienced (re: NPD), couples doing the narcissistic and codependency dance while going for marriage counseling might possibly prove disastrous (e.g., the "narcissist" actively manipulating the sessions and so further punishing the spouse).
Absolutely and that is also pretty much the take on marriage counselling with an alcoholic.

Of course where alcoholism and NPD divide is that some, not all, alcoholics can heal from this narcissism or at least improve their thinking on the subject if they choose to do so, in recovery, with help.

True NPD is pretty much impossible to come back from. The nature of the mental illness doesn't really allow for healing and in those rare cases where it is acknowledged and help sought, the results are not hopeful for any real change in behaviour and in fact might prove mentally harmful to the narcissist.

Originally Posted by mylifeismine View Post
I hope I never
meet someone who is in the severe range.
They have different approaches I think, from my experience. The narcissist I dated was of the, I will mirror her and provide here with good stuff so she won't want to leave! (didn't work).

My ex worked with a very severe very destructive narcissist, for a few years.

During that period the guy managed to destroy my ex's place in the company, by undermining him at every turn, backstabbing, lying by taking in the owner (who was, of course, not aware of what was going on).

He couldn't stand the fact that the ex was favoured by the owner.

Long (long) story short, he ended up (the NPD person) owning half the company. Horrible, miserable place to work, more like a work camp than an office.

Finally the ex decided to quit, he couldn't stand it anymore. As you all know, you can't fight an narc because they will ALWAYS go further than you would because they have no scruples about winner takes all.

Good ending to the story - he almost immediately found a comparable job (pay wise), with a good company, doing work he really enjoys.
trailmix is offline  
Old 12-20-2019, 03:49 AM
  # 44 (permalink)  
Member
 
Anaya's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 2,684
trailmix -- thank you. What you've posted is helpful and informative.
Anaya is offline  
Old 10-07-2020, 01:12 AM
  # 45 (permalink)  
Member
 
Anaya's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 2,684
Originally Posted by pdm22 View Post
Recently, I mentioned her in another thread, but there are some great videos on YouTube from a woman named Lisa A Romano, that I have been finding very helpful. I agree the word narcissism gets used a lot, and oftentimes it’s used to mean self absorption and lack of empathy, and there can be varying extremes (not always full blow NPD).
Thank you for sharing that information. I came across your post as I was reading through this "old" thread.

Yes. Lisa A. Romano does have good and informative videos; very insightful, and what she shares does help to shed light with regard to those who appear may be narcissists. As well, Lisa does also provide thoughtful information re: codependency.

Two thumbs up to Lisa!


Anaya is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 07:30 AM.