seekingcalm

My alcoholic son has ignored me and my family, for almost a year now. Invitations ignored, almost no contact at all. He is almost 28 years old, has a very lucrative career, and is still on our cell phone plan and this month didn't pay his share of the cell phone bill, and ignored texts and emails asking about it. So we cut him off today. It's not about the money, it's about complete disregard for us. Oh boy....sparks may fly! But it is a consequence of his behavior that we did this. Let him deal, but oh gosh, how I hate that it's come to this. The truth is, I no longer know this boy, this man. I don't know him, and I suppose I haven't known him for quite some time. It's amazing how we lower our expectations of the alcoholic, and are grateful for the crumbs for so long. How in this world do we get here? I feel sick to my stomach, I really do.

hopeful4

I am so sorry. However, you are doing the right thing. Before a person even thinks about changing their behavior they have to feel consequences, and this is one of them.

Sending you a big hug.

seekingcalm

Thank you hopeful, I certainly needed to hear that. It hurts so much to be in this place with a child that you loved so very much, and now don't even know. I keep thinking how little I have been willing to accept as his behavior has gotten worse, and being here, and being validated means the world to me.

Ariesagain

You know, any 28-year-old, let alone one with a lucrative career, should not be letting his parents pay for his phone.

dandylion

seekingcalm….you absolutely did the right thing by cutting off the phone.
In fact, I believe it is a loving act. One of the parent roles is to teach the young...to prepare them for life in the world without the perpetual protection of the parent.....
Do not do for another what they can and Should be doing for themselves.
Part of the Rescuer/Victim dynamic is this principle----If one "rescues" by doing for another what they can and should do for themselves....they, will, eventually find themselves on the "victim" side of things.....

AnvilheadII

it was well time for the almost 30 year old to get his own cellphone plan. he chose not to pay his share, so the natural consequences of not paying a bill are no more service. pretty straightforward. i can't imagine the cost is THAT much, so i doubt there will be a big brouhaha over it. even if he suddenly makes contact and puts up a fuss. you do NOT have to reply!

right now, he's distancing himself from his FOO. maybe he needs to do that. maybe he just wants to do that. maybe he's a heartless jerk. the thing is you can't CHANGE him....how he thinks, how he lives, what he chooses.

can you just silently wish him well? whatever he's doing?

seekingcalm

Thank you all, you are so right. I feel much better today.
Here I am, feeling sick to my stomach for inconveniencing my son, when he has shown absolutely no regard to any of us or our feelings for so long.
Well, I always believe that the universe provides, and I have been stressing over whether to call him or text him next week on his birthday. For almost 1 year, my phone calls go unanswered, and my texts and my e-mails go unanswered, but still I thought about reaching out to him. Now that I don't know his cell phone number, I don't have to stress about that one anymore! Thank you to the universe! And thank you all for your support...got me through a very hard day.