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Old 06-11-2019, 05:44 PM   #1 (permalink)
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I owe an apology...


I read a comment recently where somebody said all my posts are mean. I went back and reviewed many of them and was relieved to see that most of my posts are not mean IMHO. But, some were...

For that I apologize and, as a member wiser than me once posted, "what we are is our words and deeds. I will work very hard going forward to not be mean. I'll still be direct, I'll still encourage people to protect themselves and their children from alcoholics and point out when they are not doing so, but I'll make sure to do so in as kind a way as possible and focus on experience, strength, and even hope sometimes.

To anybody I've hurt, and if you haven't blocked me already, I'm truly sorry.

C-
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Old 06-11-2019, 05:53 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Cyranoak, I need to tell you something that I remember about you. I first started coming to f & f probably 9/2011. I had posted a topic, and it triggered another poster. You defended me, I don't know if you agreed with me, but you defended my right to want to talk about it. Thank You.

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Old 06-11-2019, 08:55 PM   #3 (permalink)
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When we know better we do better . . . keep learning and doing better Cy and keep posting too.

This is a wounded group and we all do stumble around trying to be supportive of our wounded members.
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Old 06-12-2019, 07:25 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Self reflection is a great thing. I am sure we have all come across in a way we did not mean it to in the past. It's a forum so it's hard to get feelings across.

Good for you. I get lots out of your input!
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Old 06-12-2019, 08:33 AM   #5 (permalink)
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I find your input help too--I think all of us have posted things which came across differently than we actually felt. I know I had one not long ago where the person felt I was shaming them, but actually I was just speaking from my experience growing up in an alcoholic home and really wasn't trying to make them feel bad. Sometimes what we mean isn't as clear as we think it is on the page.
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Old 06-13-2019, 11:28 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Cryanoak-

For me only.

I was terrified for a long time of directness, both written and in person. I think I was afraid of other's emotions in any way because I could not sort out what was mine and what was not.

That was a sign of my dis-ease.

The healthier I have become the more I seek this out in relationships, of any kind.

I think I just want to say that for me on this board as I have been able to sort out yours or mine or both posts like yours have taken on a different value....and for me my response initially was more about me than you.
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Old 06-13-2019, 11:51 AM   #7 (permalink)
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I think people come here looking for help, support, answers and input on situations that are new to them but old news to many of us. They feel their situations are unique and that WE donít understand what they are going through. And no matter what we say direct or not, talking about truths they are not ready to hear challenges their belief systems and they often become defensive and feel hurt. Now if they stick around long enough they begin to understand it better and often become the words of direct and truths.

Me personally, the one who doesnít tell me what I want to hear but tells me what I need to hear are the ones I gravitate towards and have learned the most from.

Cyranoak, Thanks for being you and being here!!
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