Anti depressants, the fear of taking them and wondering how it's come to this.
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Originally Posted by Zevin 
You'll make it through this rough patch, Glenjo. It's been a year since dealing with a narcissist. You've made it this far and it WILL get better.
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I'm wondering do some people have a lifelong low grade depression/anxiety, that kind of lingers in the background but isn't hugely obvious only at times.
The reason im wondering this is, thinking back although I've had really good times in my life, I don't think I've ever been truly joyous. I think my dad has always been this way too, although he would medicate with alcohol.
Anyone else know what I mean? A kind of low grade (can't think of better term) thing that is always in the background. Maybe an anti depressants would help that I don't know. I just know I've had moments in my life where really good things have happened and I still haven't gotten the confidence from them that it brings others. Maybe it's more a self esteem thing.
The reason im wondering this is, thinking back although I've had really good times in my life, I don't think I've ever been truly joyous. I think my dad has always been this way too, although he would medicate with alcohol.
Anyone else know what I mean? A kind of low grade (can't think of better term) thing that is always in the background. Maybe an anti depressants would help that I don't know. I just know I've had moments in my life where really good things have happened and I still haven't gotten the confidence from them that it brings others. Maybe it's more a self esteem thing.
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Glenjo-
For me when I really started to dig in and deal with my life I needed an anti-depressant. It allowed me enough space to breath that I could sit with the hard stuff.
I took some about a year. A number of years later, while still seeing the same therapist I was going through another really hard patch and I made a deal with her that I would check in about antidepressants and if she thought I needed them I would take them again.....no questions asked.
What I realized is that I probably lived with underlying depression most of my life and in retrospect it was dealing with a loved one's problem drinking that force me to start healing that eventually helped me to feel better......
I could not see at the time how much healing I needed and for me anti-depressants and this life "lesson," were part of the journey.
I also had to feel my stuff before I started to feel better. In other words I needed to feel worse (with support) before things started to get better. I am so glad I took the chance and did the work though.
For me when I really started to dig in and deal with my life I needed an anti-depressant. It allowed me enough space to breath that I could sit with the hard stuff.
I took some about a year. A number of years later, while still seeing the same therapist I was going through another really hard patch and I made a deal with her that I would check in about antidepressants and if she thought I needed them I would take them again.....no questions asked.
What I realized is that I probably lived with underlying depression most of my life and in retrospect it was dealing with a loved one's problem drinking that force me to start healing that eventually helped me to feel better......
I could not see at the time how much healing I needed and for me anti-depressants and this life "lesson," were part of the journey.
I also had to feel my stuff before I started to feel better. In other words I needed to feel worse (with support) before things started to get better. I am so glad I took the chance and did the work though.
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Originally Posted by LifeRecovery
Glenjo-
For me when I really started to dig in and deal with my life I needed an anti-depressant. It allowed me enough space to breath that I could sit with the hard stuff.
I took some about a year. A number of years later, while still seeing the same therapist I was going through another really hard patch and I made a deal with her that I would check in about antidepressants and if she thought I needed them I would take them again.....no questions asked.
What I realized is that I probably lived with underlying depression most of my life and in retrospect it was dealing with a loved one's problem drinking that force me to start healing that eventually helped me to feel better......
I could not see at the time how much healing I needed and for me anti-depressants and this life "lesson," were part of the journey.
I also had to feel my stuff before I started to feel better. In other words I needed to feel worse (with support) before things started to get better. I am so glad I took the chance and did the work though.
For me when I really started to dig in and deal with my life I needed an anti-depressant. It allowed me enough space to breath that I could sit with the hard stuff.
I took some about a year. A number of years later, while still seeing the same therapist I was going through another really hard patch and I made a deal with her that I would check in about antidepressants and if she thought I needed them I would take them again.....no questions asked.
What I realized is that I probably lived with underlying depression most of my life and in retrospect it was dealing with a loved one's problem drinking that force me to start healing that eventually helped me to feel better......
I could not see at the time how much healing I needed and for me anti-depressants and this life "lesson," were part of the journey.
I also had to feel my stuff before I started to feel better. In other words I needed to feel worse (with support) before things started to get better. I am so glad I took the chance and did the work though.
Your post resonated with me, as I think I have lived with underlying depression all my life too. I know I have a lot of work to do in terms of inner child work and building self esteem, so I'm trying to decipher whether I could do this while on an antidepressant or if I do the work I won't need one. In the past I've done lots of therapy and as I say set goals and achieved them but I never felt the way I thought I would when i achieved them. It's almost like there was a veil through which I could never pass (if that makes sense) that prevented the enjoyment others got.
Funny, I googled dysthymia and it says one of the things to watch for, is when people say to you it's just how you are, your grumpy and sad but it's your character. I was telling a friend how I was feeling during week. She said, you don't need an antidepressant, that's just your character, your a virgo! (Starsign lol), and it's just your character to be sarcastic and grumpy! It annoyed me a bit because I don't see that as any way to live! I don't feel it's who I am.
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Originally Posted by Glenjo99
So could you feel your stuff while on the antidepressant? That's my fear that it will interfere with my needing to feel my feelings and work through them.
Just kidding. Although I have to say it would be handy sometimes.
For me, both times I have taken anti-depressants (also took them for a few months early on) it just takes the edge off. I still had lows and highs. I know some people fear it will make them some kind of emotional zombie, but that should never be the case.
Maybe ask yourself how you can deal with things while in a low all the time. When you are you aren't seeing things, necessarily, clearly.
Kind of like being asked to describe all the colours outside when someone has painted your windows with a hue of dark grey.
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The antidepressant allowed me to get through the veil of depression and fully feel for the first time.
I am not going to lie, I was SHOCKED how much anxiety I had underneath it all that was expressing itself like depression. Antidepressants allowed me to take the first layer off and start the work.
Later on I had a lot of work around anger that had to come up.....but by then I could sit in my feelings better.
I think my appointments prior to the antidepressants in part needed to be so focused on managing my depression that I could not really dig into the hard stuff.
To be clear stuffing my feelings was my way of coping. Antidepressants allowed me a safe way to get in touch with some of those emotions so I could sit in the discomfort.
I don't mean this flippantly but for me all I had to lose was my poor coping mechanisms from my previous life.
I am not going to lie, I was SHOCKED how much anxiety I had underneath it all that was expressing itself like depression. Antidepressants allowed me to take the first layer off and start the work.
Later on I had a lot of work around anger that had to come up.....but by then I could sit in my feelings better.
I think my appointments prior to the antidepressants in part needed to be so focused on managing my depression that I could not really dig into the hard stuff.
To be clear stuffing my feelings was my way of coping. Antidepressants allowed me a safe way to get in touch with some of those emotions so I could sit in the discomfort.
I don't mean this flippantly but for me all I had to lose was my poor coping mechanisms from my previous life.
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Originally Posted by LifeRecovery
The antidepressant allowed me to get through the veil of depression and fully feel for the first time.
I am not going to lie, I was SHOCKED how much anxiety I had underneath it all that was expressing itself like depression. Antidepressants allowed me to take the first layer off and start the work.
Later on I had a lot of work around anger that had to come up.....but by then I could sit in my feelings better.
I think my appointments prior to the antidepressants in part needed to be so focused on managing my depression that I could not really dig into the hard stuff.
To be clear stuffing my feelings was my way of coping. Antidepressants allowed me a safe way to get in touch with some of those emotions so I could sit in the discomfort.
I don't mean this flippantly but for me all I had to lose was my poor coping mechanisms from my previous life.
I am not going to lie, I was SHOCKED how much anxiety I had underneath it all that was expressing itself like depression. Antidepressants allowed me to take the first layer off and start the work.
Later on I had a lot of work around anger that had to come up.....but by then I could sit in my feelings better.
I think my appointments prior to the antidepressants in part needed to be so focused on managing my depression that I could not really dig into the hard stuff.
To be clear stuffing my feelings was my way of coping. Antidepressants allowed me a safe way to get in touch with some of those emotions so I could sit in the discomfort.
I don't mean this flippantly but for me all I had to lose was my poor coping mechanisms from my previous life.
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I want to note that I think I was lucky in that I had an antidepressant that worked for me the first time around.
I also think I was lucky that I had support already established in terms of therapy and she was pretty sure I needed it. It gave me a safe space to be in with this new tool.
For me there is situational/timely feeling bad and there was old coping mechanism feeling bad. I needed the antidepressant to learn to sit with the old stuff. I took an antidepressant for about a year 15 years ago and it was one of the tools that kickstarted my healing but was used in conjunction with a large, additional toolbox.
I also think I was lucky that I had support already established in terms of therapy and she was pretty sure I needed it. It gave me a safe space to be in with this new tool.
For me there is situational/timely feeling bad and there was old coping mechanism feeling bad. I needed the antidepressant to learn to sit with the old stuff. I took an antidepressant for about a year 15 years ago and it was one of the tools that kickstarted my healing but was used in conjunction with a large, additional toolbox.
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Originally Posted by LifeRecovery
I want to note that I think I was lucky in that I had an antidepressant that worked for me the first time around.
I also think I was lucky that I had support already established in terms of therapy and she was pretty sure I needed it. It gave me a safe space to be in with this new tool.
For me there is situational/timely feeling bad and there was old coping mechanism feeling bad. I needed the antidepressant to learn to sit with the old stuff. I took an antidepressant for about a year 15 years ago and it was one of the tools that kickstarted my healing but was used in conjunction with a large, additional toolbox.
I also think I was lucky that I had support already established in terms of therapy and she was pretty sure I needed it. It gave me a safe space to be in with this new tool.
For me there is situational/timely feeling bad and there was old coping mechanism feeling bad. I needed the antidepressant to learn to sit with the old stuff. I took an antidepressant for about a year 15 years ago and it was one of the tools that kickstarted my healing but was used in conjunction with a large, additional toolbox.
i hear you. It's not a quick fix, or works on its own and what worked for you may not for me.
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