Chronic Anxiety?
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Join Date: Apr 2018
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Thank you Seren!!
Glenjo,
I'm sorry for my wording. I definitely meant my words as, "this has been my experience" rather than advice as it's come out.
My past experience has been again and again that trusting in my healthy gut instincts has been a major part of my recovery. This has included working with doctors in many ways.
Glenjo,
I'm sorry for my wording. I definitely meant my words as, "this has been my experience" rather than advice as it's come out.
My past experience has been again and again that trusting in my healthy gut instincts has been a major part of my recovery. This has included working with doctors in many ways.
"O you must wear your rue with difference".
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,146
Originally Posted by Glenjo99 
Been reading a good book by Charles Whitfield on healing the inner child and how it relates to being codependent. He says "to get to the point of recovery, we must survive. Survivors are by necessity codependent". We use many coping skills to do this. That's all I have been doing all my life, surviving, not thriving. It's so amazing to see it written in print. Codependents barely survive.
He mentions core issues to be addressed, one of them being "high tolerance for inappropriate behaviour". I experienced this with my ex, many red flags but I put up with them because I thought this is what love is, you put up with things if you love someone! Wrong. Yes you work at relationships but you don't put up with abusive behaviour, which goes back to something I've always wondered about. Most people won't have seen healthy relationships growing up, so we have no framework or template to work with. This is huge.
I have just gone through a bank holiday weekend here, where I had huge anxiety and although had been doing well, I binged on sugary foods and sodas to take the edge off. I'm realising in recovery that I suffer majorly with anxiety and this is a revelation for me. No other person to focus on now has left me with myself now to focus on and I can see even my ex was a reason for me to check out of life, why because I don't like it! It's a bitter pill to swallow to realise at 44 I have only been barely surviving all my life. Anxiety is horrible, so I need to address this. Be interested to hear from others and your anxiety.
He mentions core issues to be addressed, one of them being "high tolerance for inappropriate behaviour". I experienced this with my ex, many red flags but I put up with them because I thought this is what love is, you put up with things if you love someone! Wrong. Yes you work at relationships but you don't put up with abusive behaviour, which goes back to something I've always wondered about. Most people won't have seen healthy relationships growing up, so we have no framework or template to work with. This is huge.
I have just gone through a bank holiday weekend here, where I had huge anxiety and although had been doing well, I binged on sugary foods and sodas to take the edge off. I'm realising in recovery that I suffer majorly with anxiety and this is a revelation for me. No other person to focus on now has left me with myself now to focus on and I can see even my ex was a reason for me to check out of life, why because I don't like it! It's a bitter pill to swallow to realise at 44 I have only been barely surviving all my life. Anxiety is horrible, so I need to address this. Be interested to hear from others and your anxiety.
I think the things I really should do are the things that I fear.
I fear being able to live the life I truly want to live -- that is my greatest fear. Because most of my life, I was living to make another person happy. Even as a child, I was living to make another person happy. It's no wonder I repeated that pattern as an adult and choose a spouse that I could not make happy because his "happy" was drugs.
It's difficult to realize all of that in your 40s. But if you do things right from now on, you may still have half your life left to live. So I guess the question is... how do you let go of fear and thrive?
What is the worst that could happen if you...
decide to take those ski lessons...
decide to write poetry and read it at an open mic night...
decide to get a different job...
?
What is the worst that could happen?
I have to remind myself every day to keep looking ahead and not behind me... and ask myself "what is the worst that could happen...?"
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Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 1,355
Originally Posted by OpheliaKatz
I could have written all of this myself.
I think the things I really should do are the things that I fear.
I fear being able to live the life I truly want to live -- that is my greatest fear. Because most of my life, I was living to make another person happy. Even as a child, I was living to make another person happy. It's no wonder I repeated that pattern as an adult and choose a spouse that I could not make happy because his "happy" was drugs.
It's difficult to realize all of that in your 40s. But if you do things right from now on, you may still have half your life left to live. So I guess the question is... how do you let go of fear and thrive?
What is the worst that could happen if you...
decide to take those ski lessons...
decide to write poetry and read it at an open mic night...
decide to get a different job...
?
What is the worst that could happen?
I have to remind myself every day to keep looking ahead and not behind me... and ask myself "what is the worst that could happen...?"
I think the things I really should do are the things that I fear.
I fear being able to live the life I truly want to live -- that is my greatest fear. Because most of my life, I was living to make another person happy. Even as a child, I was living to make another person happy. It's no wonder I repeated that pattern as an adult and choose a spouse that I could not make happy because his "happy" was drugs.
It's difficult to realize all of that in your 40s. But if you do things right from now on, you may still have half your life left to live. So I guess the question is... how do you let go of fear and thrive?
What is the worst that could happen if you...
decide to take those ski lessons...
decide to write poetry and read it at an open mic night...
decide to get a different job...
?
What is the worst that could happen?
I have to remind myself every day to keep looking ahead and not behind me... and ask myself "what is the worst that could happen...?"
At the moment I'm unsure, and as Oprah Winfrey once said, doubt = no.
"O you must wear your rue with difference".
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,146
You can try exercise, yoga, meditation, and having a better diet. You can talk to a therapist and try CBT. If that doesn't work, you can see a doctor. The thing that helps more than anything is time. Journaling helps. So does keeping busy.
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Join Date: Jul 2018
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Originally Posted by OpheliaKatz
You can try exercise, yoga, meditation, and having a better diet. You can talk to a therapist and try CBT. If that doesn't work, you can see a doctor. The thing that helps more than anything is time. Journaling helps. So does keeping busy.
I probably have a good bit of spare time at weekends and evenings.
its summer I'm struggling with. The sunshine is making me irritable and the warmth. The feeling of "I shouldn't be inside" when its it's sunny etc. Im just grumpy and not enjoying it. My GP says I am depressed but I dont know. Would I be able to exercise so much of I was, and be able to complete a course I was doing with assignments etc. I dont feel sad or depressed, but she said I dont have to be to be anxious/depressed. To me it's more anxiety. Maybe I just hate summer and all the loud noises that go with it. I never used to that much but this summer I'm not liking it at all.
Life is good
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 4,036
Maybe it's more simply being released and worked out? Ebb and flow. Old crap that is requiring a new expression: past trauma/psych stuff/muscle memory releasing. Just throwing that out here in case it resonates.
It's okay to be inside, anytime you feel it's healthy for you. It's also good to get out and connect with nature, people and new places. Ebb and flow. It's not okay to treat yourself badly. It sounds like you're doing a lot of good healthy things and are very in time with both what you're feeling/not feeling and with allowing an acceptance of sometimes not knowing.
Welcome to healing.
One day at a time.
Keeping in touch with my recovery support peeps and allowing my support network to expand naturally have been healthy indicators I'm heading in a good direction.
Allowing an awareness of the little parts of our recovery creates strong foundations.
Do you have a follow up plan with your physician to stay in touch through this? It's okay for both of you to see things differently, as long as your voice is being heard and respected, and you feel a benefit from your relationship.
It's okay to be inside, anytime you feel it's healthy for you. It's also good to get out and connect with nature, people and new places. Ebb and flow. It's not okay to treat yourself badly. It sounds like you're doing a lot of good healthy things and are very in time with both what you're feeling/not feeling and with allowing an acceptance of sometimes not knowing.
Welcome to healing.
One day at a time.
Keeping in touch with my recovery support peeps and allowing my support network to expand naturally have been healthy indicators I'm heading in a good direction.
Allowing an awareness of the little parts of our recovery creates strong foundations.
Do you have a follow up plan with your physician to stay in touch through this? It's okay for both of you to see things differently, as long as your voice is being heard and respected, and you feel a benefit from your relationship.
Life is good
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 4,036
In recovery groups I often have heard about this with winter/holidays or other times of the year. Sometimes it can get worse during certain phases of the recovery process. Recently I heard from one person going through certain steps of their program that after X years this is no longer an issue for them.
No matter what the cause or path to healing, if meds are for you and help, kudos! If they aren't, that can be okay too if healing is found other ways. The main concern is progress forward, being okay with the day (sometimes with simply an awareness of not being okay) and having a strong support network.
No medical advice intended, simply adding this possible component to the discussion. Again, meds can be a great tool in addition to other approaches.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/b...and-depression
No matter what the cause or path to healing, if meds are for you and help, kudos! If they aren't, that can be okay too if healing is found other ways. The main concern is progress forward, being okay with the day (sometimes with simply an awareness of not being okay) and having a strong support network.
At times I would feel a lot better, only to experience a return of symptoms. As this pattern dragged on, I often found myself saying, "I can't believe I'm still sick."
I didn't realize at the time how that simple statement shaped the way I experienced my symptoms and how I tried to get well. I was sick, and so I needed to find the right doctor, the right diagnosis, the right treatment, the right foods to eliminate, and then I could get better.
And then one day it hit me: I'm still healing. I don't know where the realization came from, but this small shift in how I framed my struggles completely changed my relationship to them. It suggested a very different emphasis—not on finally getting the help that eluded me, but on supporting my body and mind in the process of healing.
I didn't realize at the time how that simple statement shaped the way I experienced my symptoms and how I tried to get well. I was sick, and so I needed to find the right doctor, the right diagnosis, the right treatment, the right foods to eliminate, and then I could get better.
And then one day it hit me: I'm still healing. I don't know where the realization came from, but this small shift in how I framed my struggles completely changed my relationship to them. It suggested a very different emphasis—not on finally getting the help that eluded me, but on supporting my body and mind in the process of healing.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/b...and-depression
Life is good
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 4,036
Another thing to put out there in regards to how bright the sun can be, summer or winter (we often have a ton of sunshine in the winter and the reflection off the snow intensifies it), really good sunglasses!
One summer I benefitted greatly from Costa sunglasses with glass lenses, dark shading and very full coverage to keep light coming in from the edges. It was a fantastic experience in a new kind of self care and very vividly changed how I saw things. My brain was on overload. Recognizing that, taking steps to ask for lights to be turned off when necessary and appropriate in certain physician offices and Al-Anon meetings that had decent natural lighting created new actions in asking, receiving and communicating.
In time, those happened to break and it was good timing for me to buy sunglasses that were a bit different - Costa, glass, less coverage, completely different tint to them. When I explained I was dealing with a brain overload issue, someone suggested that brand. I'm not tied to it and am open to trying others in the future, simply very grateful for ones that helped me in a huge way.
One summer I benefitted greatly from Costa sunglasses with glass lenses, dark shading and very full coverage to keep light coming in from the edges. It was a fantastic experience in a new kind of self care and very vividly changed how I saw things. My brain was on overload. Recognizing that, taking steps to ask for lights to be turned off when necessary and appropriate in certain physician offices and Al-Anon meetings that had decent natural lighting created new actions in asking, receiving and communicating.
In time, those happened to break and it was good timing for me to buy sunglasses that were a bit different - Costa, glass, less coverage, completely different tint to them. When I explained I was dealing with a brain overload issue, someone suggested that brand. I'm not tied to it and am open to trying others in the future, simply very grateful for ones that helped me in a huge way.
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Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 1,355
Interesting to hear about your brain overload mango, a friend of mine told me lately he was advised to take anti depressants as he has a highly functioning brain and gets over stimulated. He finds they help him.
that's what I feel about summer. Too much stimulus. I have good glasses, blackout blinds but one can't avoid going out , the heat and noise. The heat irritates me. I'm sure I'll decide what to do when I know better within myself.
that's what I feel about summer. Too much stimulus. I have good glasses, blackout blinds but one can't avoid going out , the heat and noise. The heat irritates me. I'm sure I'll decide what to do when I know better within myself.
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Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 497
Originally Posted by Glenjo99
Interesting to hear about your brain overload mango, a friend of mine told me lately he was advised to take anti depressants as he has a highly functioning brain and gets over stimulated. He finds they help him.
that's what I feel about summer. Too much stimulus. I have good glasses, blackout blinds but one can't avoid going out , the heat and noise. The heat irritates me. I'm sure I'll decide what to do when I know better within myself.
that's what I feel about summer. Too much stimulus. I have good glasses, blackout blinds but one can't avoid going out , the heat and noise. The heat irritates me. I'm sure I'll decide what to do when I know better within myself.
it it is humid and hot here. The heat usually doesn't bother me, but one day last week between my feeling down and the heat and the neighbor's kids, I felt really on edge. Have you tried using a fan outside? The coolness and the noise might help. I had to keep mine on low, as even the sound of the fan on high was too much. I have been reading a lot too
regarding the meds and some of the earlier comments, I don't really care at this point if I ever go off of them. That is just me though
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Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 497
Originally Posted by Glenjo99
Interesting to hear about your brain overload mango, a friend of mine told me lately he was advised to take anti depressants as he has a highly functioning brain and gets over stimulated. He finds they help him.
that's what I feel about summer. Too much stimulus. I have good glasses, blackout blinds but one can't avoid going out , the heat and noise. The heat irritates me. I'm sure I'll decide what to do when I know better within myself.
that's what I feel about summer. Too much stimulus. I have good glasses, blackout blinds but one can't avoid going out , the heat and noise. The heat irritates me. I'm sure I'll decide what to do when I know better within myself.
my my brain overload is why I started taking something. I couldn't stop thinking - literally
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Originally Posted by Clover71
it it is humid and hot here. The heat usually doesn't bother me, but one day last week between my feeling down and the heat and the neighbor's kids, I felt really on edge. Have you tried using a fan outside? The coolness and the noise might help. I had to keep mine on low, as even the sound of the fan on high was too much. I have been reading a lot too
regarding the meds and some of the earlier comments, I don't really care at this point if I ever go off of them. That is just me though
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Join Date: Jul 2018
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Originally Posted by Mango212
Hi Glenjo,
Are you following up with the alternate recommendations from your doctor? Also, have you been to any meetings in a while? It seemed you were gaining some strength from them when you went.
Are you following up with the alternate recommendations from your doctor? Also, have you been to any meetings in a while? It seemed you were gaining some strength from them when you went.
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They have those fans that have a mist as well - that might be nice for outside (I haven't tried one), I don't sit outside lol
I too have light sensitivity and bought some good sunglasses with a blue lens. I find them a bit too dark on non-really bright days but I am thinking of getting an even darker pair for those days.
I even wear them inside if I am somewhere with uncovered windows, someone's house, a restaurant.
I too have light sensitivity and bought some good sunglasses with a blue lens. I find them a bit too dark on non-really bright days but I am thinking of getting an even darker pair for those days.
I even wear them inside if I am somewhere with uncovered windows, someone's house, a restaurant.
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Join Date: Jul 2018
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Originally Posted by trailmix
They have those fans that have a mist as well - that might be nice for outside (I haven't tried one), I don't sit outside lol
I too have light sensitivity and bought some good sunglasses with a blue lens. I find them a bit too dark on non-really bright days but I am thinking of getting an even darker pair for those days.
I even wear them inside if I am somewhere with uncovered windows, someone's house, a restaurant.
I too have light sensitivity and bought some good sunglasses with a blue lens. I find them a bit too dark on non-really bright days but I am thinking of getting an even darker pair for those days.
I even wear them inside if I am somewhere with uncovered windows, someone's house, a restaurant.
Life is good
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 4,036
You have a choice.
You don't have to be that angry neighbor.
1. Write and report. If you suspect your neighbor is violating city ordinances, do a little research, write it up, and submit it to the proper authorities.
2. Pick your battles wisely.
It’s tricky to balance being cordial with not wanting to normalize someone’s emotionally abusive behavior. But toxic people don’t respond well to criticism. It’s important to acknowledge that battles can escalate quickly into full-fledged declarations of war.
3. Allow peace within yourself. Allow your inner knowing to guide you to peace, tranquility and harmony.
As I find libraries, coffee shops, big retail stores and cozy book nooks that have the feelings of safety, security, life, joy and acceptance that I want, I learn how to allow enjoyment of these things, awareness and seek them.
Actions first, feelings follow.
You don't have to be that angry neighbor.
1. Write and report. If you suspect your neighbor is violating city ordinances, do a little research, write it up, and submit it to the proper authorities.
2. Pick your battles wisely.
It’s tricky to balance being cordial with not wanting to normalize someone’s emotionally abusive behavior. But toxic people don’t respond well to criticism. It’s important to acknowledge that battles can escalate quickly into full-fledged declarations of war.
3. Allow peace within yourself. Allow your inner knowing to guide you to peace, tranquility and harmony.
As I find libraries, coffee shops, big retail stores and cozy book nooks that have the feelings of safety, security, life, joy and acceptance that I want, I learn how to allow enjoyment of these things, awareness and seek them.
Actions first, feelings follow.
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,618
Originally Posted by Glenjo99
Those glasses sound nice. I'll just have to be that angry neighbour who shouts to keep the noise down. How did it come to this lol.
A move from the are might actually be in order? I know you can't choose your neighbours but is it possible you could move further out of the city/town where you live where there might be more space between you and neighbours?
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Originally Posted by trailmix
Some people just don't get it. Where I live the ordinance is no loud noise (over a certain decibel level) after 10 PM. That doesn't help with the day time noise though does it!
A move from the are might actually be in order? I know you can't choose your neighbours but is it possible you could move further out of the city/town where you live where there might be more space between you and neighbours?
A move from the are might actually be in order? I know you can't choose your neighbours but is it possible you could move further out of the city/town where you live where there might be more space between you and neighbours?
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