Week away from surgery and I can feel myself starting to crumble...
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Join Date: Apr 2019
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Week away from surgery and I can feel myself starting to crumble...
A week away from surgery and I can feel myself starting to crumble... just need some positive words of support.
I know I can do this alone. I know I'll be OK. It's just so difficult, being my 15th surgery in just a few years...
and I'm barely hanging on to begin with.
Because of all these surgeries, I'm on Medicaid and it's been rough financially. Plus the breakup. To save money, this AM I finally pulled together just enough $ to get some help & a van... moved a bunch of boxes out of storage. That will save me a $165 p/month but now I'm literally sleeping in btw boxes in my tiny room. I don't even have a mattress... just a pile of blankets I sleep on.
Let's see, I'l try and focus on the positives:
- 5 weeks of NC (yes, I'm still counting... can't wait until I'm not! lol)
- Breaking up, moving out & finding a room was a big deal.
- Trying to make my tiny bedroom into a home. At least I have all of my possessions in one spot. Makes things easier.
- I'll save more $ now that I don't have a storage unit. $165 p/month really adds up when you're at rock bottom financially. I currently live on about $5-$8 a day to eat. Thankfully I can walk to work.
- Applied to 2 jobs in the past few weeks. Interviews went well and I'm waiting for a job offer... hopefully. One looks promising... & that would positively impact my life in such huge ways.
- My surgeons think this may be my last surgery for awhile (hopefully) and then I can get off Medicaid, especially if/when I land a new job. So I can start a better quality of life... in all ways.
I guess those are pretty big, positive life changes after such chaos. Although I still feel in such a post breakup slump... and I hate it.
I'm concerned that my surgery date is so close to hearing about the job offer. Not sure what I'll say quite yet... will cross that bridge if/when it happens.
But I have ALOT of anxiety if this surgery doesn't work.. too personal to share... but it's a very difficult complication & I'm so scared that the problem will worsen or just not be resolved.
I'm just feeling emotional & lonely today. I'm no longer angry, so sadness has crept in. I then began worrying about her again last night as well. UGH, I was so mad at myself. I think all this is because of my surgery coming up and I'm used to her being around 24/7 to talk about it with me. Plus, I'm so conditioned to taking care of her... worrying about her... that I didn't really have much time to focus on my surgeries. Now I do! It's just anxiety that I need to shake off...
Thanks for letting me vent. Sometimes (this) guy just needs a hug. And I really miss her hugs.
I know I can do this alone. I know I'll be OK. It's just so difficult, being my 15th surgery in just a few years...
and I'm barely hanging on to begin with. Because of all these surgeries, I'm on Medicaid and it's been rough financially. Plus the breakup. To save money, this AM I finally pulled together just enough $ to get some help & a van... moved a bunch of boxes out of storage. That will save me a $165 p/month but now I'm literally sleeping in btw boxes in my tiny room. I don't even have a mattress... just a pile of blankets I sleep on.
Let's see, I'l try and focus on the positives:
- 5 weeks of NC (yes, I'm still counting... can't wait until I'm not! lol)
- Breaking up, moving out & finding a room was a big deal.
- Trying to make my tiny bedroom into a home. At least I have all of my possessions in one spot. Makes things easier.
- I'll save more $ now that I don't have a storage unit. $165 p/month really adds up when you're at rock bottom financially. I currently live on about $5-$8 a day to eat. Thankfully I can walk to work.
- Applied to 2 jobs in the past few weeks. Interviews went well and I'm waiting for a job offer... hopefully. One looks promising... & that would positively impact my life in such huge ways.
- My surgeons think this may be my last surgery for awhile (hopefully) and then I can get off Medicaid, especially if/when I land a new job. So I can start a better quality of life... in all ways.
I guess those are pretty big, positive life changes after such chaos. Although I still feel in such a post breakup slump... and I hate it.
I'm concerned that my surgery date is so close to hearing about the job offer. Not sure what I'll say quite yet... will cross that bridge if/when it happens.
But I have ALOT of anxiety if this surgery doesn't work.. too personal to share... but it's a very difficult complication & I'm so scared that the problem will worsen or just not be resolved.
I'm just feeling emotional & lonely today. I'm no longer angry, so sadness has crept in. I then began worrying about her again last night as well. UGH, I was so mad at myself. I think all this is because of my surgery coming up and I'm used to her being around 24/7 to talk about it with me. Plus, I'm so conditioned to taking care of her... worrying about her... that I didn't really have much time to focus on my surgeries. Now I do! It's just anxiety that I need to shake off...
Thanks for letting me vent. Sometimes (this) guy just needs a hug. And I really miss her hugs.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
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Hi, LifeChange…..Of course it is normal to be nervous about every surgery...but, I get what you saying...you don't have her to talk to about it or her to focus on...now.
I think you really, really need some other humans to talk to about the upcoming surgery.....
In New York...there must be some others who have similar situations and similar surgeries....I suggest that you might call the office of one of your surgeons....and, ask if they have any volunteers (who have similar surgeries) to give you some emotional support.....I have seen this done, in my experience in the surgical environment....
Come on, LifeChange...it is time to think out of the box....as they say.
You have got to get some peeps to walk with you through this.....
You can call the social worker assigned to the surgical service of the hospital...and he/she can help you find resources....
If you have any particular religion...you could call on clergy to bring in enforcements....
There is some help....and, compassionate people like to help...just don't be too "proud " to ask for it...…!
And, of course, you always have us....
I think you really, really need some other humans to talk to about the upcoming surgery.....
In New York...there must be some others who have similar situations and similar surgeries....I suggest that you might call the office of one of your surgeons....and, ask if they have any volunteers (who have similar surgeries) to give you some emotional support.....I have seen this done, in my experience in the surgical environment....
Come on, LifeChange...it is time to think out of the box....as they say.
You have got to get some peeps to walk with you through this.....
You can call the social worker assigned to the surgical service of the hospital...and he/she can help you find resources....
If you have any particular religion...you could call on clergy to bring in enforcements....
There is some help....and, compassionate people like to help...just don't be too "proud " to ask for it...…!
And, of course, you always have us....
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,424
Excellent FTF ideas dandy, and LC you do have us.
You've really come a long way and made huge changes in a short time.
I think how you are feeling is very normal and healthy--you do need a new "real life" support system now that she's out of your life.
What about putting in a call to the hospital social worker and see if she can find some people who also had this procedure done that might be willing to connect with you. I would be honest that you had a support person and now you don't, and are facing this alone. They should have some kind of resources to help you.
I also think a general counseling session in the hospital would be helpful if that is an option.
Good luck with job--please keep us updated
You've really come a long way and made huge changes in a short time.
I think how you are feeling is very normal and healthy--you do need a new "real life" support system now that she's out of your life.
What about putting in a call to the hospital social worker and see if she can find some people who also had this procedure done that might be willing to connect with you. I would be honest that you had a support person and now you don't, and are facing this alone. They should have some kind of resources to help you.
I also think a general counseling session in the hospital would be helpful if that is an option.
Good luck with job--please keep us updated
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Join Date: Apr 2019
Posts: 395
I lost a lot of key friendships over the years. I know, I need support. I'm trying, dandylion... it's just a lot for me to process all at once. I do have my therapist who I've been communicating with and a close friend who has stuck by my side through all of this. I'm not religious and there are support groups at my clinic -- but probably not this close up to my surgery date... I'll look into it.
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Join Date: Apr 2019
Posts: 395
Thank you, Hawkeye13. I've been so focused on trying to "live" that I haven't processed looking into support systems. I just found out about a surgical talk they're giving at my hospital tonight & I'll go. I might meet people there.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
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LifeChange…..good idea o go to t he surgical talk....the more you are around other people, the better....
Yes, there might not be time to join one of those groups this close to surgery...but, you could ask a key person who could call in a volunteer for you....And, there is the possibility that you could, at least identify a group, and that could be a part of your ongoing support as you go home and recuperate.....
Put out the vibes....
Yes, there might not be time to join one of those groups this close to surgery...but, you could ask a key person who could call in a volunteer for you....And, there is the possibility that you could, at least identify a group, and that could be a part of your ongoing support as you go home and recuperate.....
Put out the vibes....
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Join Date: Apr 2019
Posts: 395
I’m headed there now early to look into resources. After as many surgeries I’ve had, unfortunately I know how difficult & painful this will be alone. No support group can do much for me (right now & while I’m apt bound). It’s just the way it is. I’m recovering still from surgery I had 8 weeks ago & they had to cut my entire stomach open... I was in bed for 4 weeks & couldn't walk. I was in such extreme pain. Not to mention wearing a catheter for the majority of 3 years isn’t easy. And now I have to figure out how to work FT in a physical job.
My new home also has 3 flights of stairs which was off limits for all my surgeries...& to even access the door, I don’t have a buzzer... I have to walk down. Nightmare.
Listen, obviously I’ll find a way to get through this. I’ve reached out to all social workers in the past & had nurses stop by, etc.
I’m just naturally overwhelmed and sad. Overwhelmed by everything and now I have to recover on the floor, without AC.
In many ways I do take responsibility... I lost so many friends because of my past relationship. They all were so worried about me — but couldn’t deal with her addiction & issues. I don’t have family so yes she became my dysfunctional family.
I’m working through it. But it still hurts & I feel isolated.
My new home also has 3 flights of stairs which was off limits for all my surgeries...& to even access the door, I don’t have a buzzer... I have to walk down. Nightmare.
Listen, obviously I’ll find a way to get through this. I’ve reached out to all social workers in the past & had nurses stop by, etc.
I’m just naturally overwhelmed and sad. Overwhelmed by everything and now I have to recover on the floor, without AC.
In many ways I do take responsibility... I lost so many friends because of my past relationship. They all were so worried about me — but couldn’t deal with her addiction & issues. I don’t have family so yes she became my dysfunctional family.
I’m working through it. But it still hurts & I feel isolated.
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Join Date: Apr 2019
Posts: 43
Hi LifeChangeNYC. I think it is a great idea to have a discharge plan in place. You probably have been focusing on recovering from the last surgery and the relatively recent break up. Breaking up can such the life out of you! Having a meeting with your care team to discuss how your circumstances have changed and how you will have not support once discharged should be taken into account. I don't know of your condition or type of surgery but maybe a short skilled nursing home stay (not ideal but sometimes necessary) or home health nurse visits can be part of the plan when you return home? I know you are probably very experienced with leveraging these resources but as you mentioned, a lot has changed and you won't have much support after such as major surgery. I know you will get through this but no doubt, it must be terrifying and overwhelming to go through all of this in a short amount of time.
I am praying for you and sending positive vibes from the west coast to the east coast!
I am praying for you and sending positive vibes from the west coast to the east coast!
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,631
Hey LC - well yes, so much to consider. Actually you are holding up quite well!
Is there any possibility that you can be provided with after surgery care at a facility of some sort? Is this something you can request? I would absolutely look in to it as your set-up right now is obviously not ideal.
All that aside - maybe you could get a bed this week? Lots of free stuff on craigslist and FB, maybe even mention it at work, many people have a twin bed at home that is just sitting in the basement I bet.
Anyway just an idea, but it should be a priority for you since you will have limited mobility initially?
I can see how she became your dysfunctional family but remember, this is temporary and while what you are going through right now is tough, look how far you have come. You're not alone, there wil be lots of help for you and as everyone has said, we are here too.
Is there any possibility that you can be provided with after surgery care at a facility of some sort? Is this something you can request? I would absolutely look in to it as your set-up right now is obviously not ideal.
All that aside - maybe you could get a bed this week? Lots of free stuff on craigslist and FB, maybe even mention it at work, many people have a twin bed at home that is just sitting in the basement I bet.
Anyway just an idea, but it should be a priority for you since you will have limited mobility initially?
I can see how she became your dysfunctional family but remember, this is temporary and while what you are going through right now is tough, look how far you have come. You're not alone, there wil be lots of help for you and as everyone has said, we are here too.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
LifeChange….I absolutely understand why you feel overwhelmed and sad, right now....who wouldn't with all of the factors that you mentioned...
I am glad that you felt that you could come here and tell us about it....
I agree that a period of time in a care facility would be a good idea,considering your current circumstances....I know that you are familiar with hospital routines and procedures...(probably an expert, by now)….
As you already know...each patient has to be seen by their assigned social worker, before discharge....Do share all of the details with him/her...The social worker can get you into a care facility for a period of time...and, certainly, your attending surgeon will co-operate with any orders that are necessary to satisfy insurance criteria. I know lots of people who have gone to temporary care facilities for just these reasons--unsatisfactory living conditions and lack of help for activities of daily living.....
***While you are in care facility....social workers can help to get you a cheap room air conditioner and a single bed---. ***By the way, there are cheap plastic "bed elevators"...which, placed on the legs of the bed that can raise the bed several inches....like 8..10 or more inches. This is a blessing for the person getting in and out of bed, post -op. You have no idea!! Another method is to have two mattresses,on top of each other.....to raise the height.
I like trailmix's idea of asking for free stuff on the internet...there are a lot of compassionate and generous people still around.
LOL...I am still working on the idea of how to answer/open the door, in my mind....give me some time...I'll come up with something....
My heart goes out to you....and, I do think you are doing so well in facing a whole new world, for you....
You have gone through so much...I think you are as tough as a hickory stick...when push comes to shove....that is how you have made it this far....and that is not about to change.....
I am glad that you felt that you could come here and tell us about it....
I agree that a period of time in a care facility would be a good idea,considering your current circumstances....I know that you are familiar with hospital routines and procedures...(probably an expert, by now)….
As you already know...each patient has to be seen by their assigned social worker, before discharge....Do share all of the details with him/her...The social worker can get you into a care facility for a period of time...and, certainly, your attending surgeon will co-operate with any orders that are necessary to satisfy insurance criteria. I know lots of people who have gone to temporary care facilities for just these reasons--unsatisfactory living conditions and lack of help for activities of daily living.....
***While you are in care facility....social workers can help to get you a cheap room air conditioner and a single bed---. ***By the way, there are cheap plastic "bed elevators"...which, placed on the legs of the bed that can raise the bed several inches....like 8..10 or more inches. This is a blessing for the person getting in and out of bed, post -op. You have no idea!! Another method is to have two mattresses,on top of each other.....to raise the height.
I like trailmix's idea of asking for free stuff on the internet...there are a lot of compassionate and generous people still around.
LOL...I am still working on the idea of how to answer/open the door, in my mind....give me some time...I'll come up with something....
My heart goes out to you....and, I do think you are doing so well in facing a whole new world, for you....
You have gone through so much...I think you are as tough as a hickory stick...when push comes to shove....that is how you have made it this far....and that is not about to change.....
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,424
My mother-in-law severely broke both bones in her ankle the beginning of last summer. We were so worried about how we would manage at home to care for her as we don't live in state and home helpers was way out of our budget. I couldn't take time off work to stay with her, so she would have been alone during the week and only limited help. It was an impossible situation and very stressful to think about--like your situation is.
We talked to the discharge planner at the hospital, and they arranged for insurance to cover a 6 week stay in a rehab facility. It was attached to a nursing home but not for nursing home patients--short term people recovering from surgery, getting physio rehab, and those who didn't have help or family in their home.
She had a nice private room, AC, a call button if needed, and they took her to therapy 2-3 times a day. The food was good, and she could get many things cooked to order. This wasn't a "fancy" expensive place, but it was very good.
I had been terrified it would be "nursing home like" but it wasn't. She got help exercising and walked out of the place on her own after six weeks. She was stronger and made essentially a full recovery (leg still sore at times) which was amazing for an 87 year old woman with brittle bones.
Anyway, moral of the story is that there may be options you hadn't even realized existed that are in place when someone doesn't have family or friends to help.
They can't legally send you into an unsafe situation, especially if you say no, please help me find a better solution. Squeaky wheel gets oiled and all. . .
It might give you some peace of mind to talk with them before surgery and really emphasize the details you just told us. They don't want liability in this situation--I would even consider emailing the discharge planner with the details so there is a record. That might motivate them to find a better solution than discharging you on your own. I've had so much support and help from these planners in the past dealing with my alcoholic mother and her many hospitalizations--they understand and most will really go above and beyond in a situation of genuine need such as yours.
Hope the meeting goes well--
We talked to the discharge planner at the hospital, and they arranged for insurance to cover a 6 week stay in a rehab facility. It was attached to a nursing home but not for nursing home patients--short term people recovering from surgery, getting physio rehab, and those who didn't have help or family in their home.
She had a nice private room, AC, a call button if needed, and they took her to therapy 2-3 times a day. The food was good, and she could get many things cooked to order. This wasn't a "fancy" expensive place, but it was very good.
I had been terrified it would be "nursing home like" but it wasn't. She got help exercising and walked out of the place on her own after six weeks. She was stronger and made essentially a full recovery (leg still sore at times) which was amazing for an 87 year old woman with brittle bones.
Anyway, moral of the story is that there may be options you hadn't even realized existed that are in place when someone doesn't have family or friends to help.
They can't legally send you into an unsafe situation, especially if you say no, please help me find a better solution. Squeaky wheel gets oiled and all. . .
It might give you some peace of mind to talk with them before surgery and really emphasize the details you just told us. They don't want liability in this situation--I would even consider emailing the discharge planner with the details so there is a record. That might motivate them to find a better solution than discharging you on your own. I've had so much support and help from these planners in the past dealing with my alcoholic mother and her many hospitalizations--they understand and most will really go above and beyond in a situation of genuine need such as yours.
Hope the meeting goes well--
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Join Date: Apr 2019
Posts: 395
THANK YOU everyone!! You literally are a wealth of knowledge... & the family I've never had. Just that exact brainstorm relieved my stress.
Hawkeye13: thank you for sharing your mother-in-law's story & that's exactly what I plan to work on tomorrow. I'm going to contact my surgical coordinator and request assistance with a post-surgical rehab facility... ask her to research what Medicaid will cover & the total amount of max hospital time approved... I will definitely ask to: "please help me find a better solution as I can't go home."
Now that I'm thinking about it... I know, in the past... Medicaid has approved me for ex: "8 days" in the hospital & yet, they'd release me at 5??? I just need to demand that I stay. If I'm approved for X amount of days, I'll request to stay for X amount of days.
PHEW! It's all coming together. I just never connected all that... didn't really understand what existed. Hoping there's a rehab center that I qualify for... I'm sure there is.
Also, I went to a surgical panel/lecture tonight & they had an open Q&A. I gained enough courage to ask questions in front of a large group & I even stayed after to talk directly with one particular surgeon who I hoped could help me. He did in fact give me solid advice... and I made some new decisions about certain aspects of my surgery. I plan to review all the data with my surgeon on Monday.
I also reached out to my one, very close friend... admitted that I was feeling lonely and needed some support. She responded with a lot of love. Was very helpful.
Through this entire process, I'm learning (once again) to accept that which I have no control over -- whether it's in relationships or in surgical results. It's about reaching out for support... and speaking up for your well-being and that which you can make decisions about.
Thank you again everyone. Means a lot to me.
Hawkeye13: thank you for sharing your mother-in-law's story & that's exactly what I plan to work on tomorrow. I'm going to contact my surgical coordinator and request assistance with a post-surgical rehab facility... ask her to research what Medicaid will cover & the total amount of max hospital time approved... I will definitely ask to: "please help me find a better solution as I can't go home."
Now that I'm thinking about it... I know, in the past... Medicaid has approved me for ex: "8 days" in the hospital & yet, they'd release me at 5??? I just need to demand that I stay. If I'm approved for X amount of days, I'll request to stay for X amount of days.
PHEW! It's all coming together. I just never connected all that... didn't really understand what existed. Hoping there's a rehab center that I qualify for... I'm sure there is.
Also, I went to a surgical panel/lecture tonight & they had an open Q&A. I gained enough courage to ask questions in front of a large group & I even stayed after to talk directly with one particular surgeon who I hoped could help me. He did in fact give me solid advice... and I made some new decisions about certain aspects of my surgery. I plan to review all the data with my surgeon on Monday.
I also reached out to my one, very close friend... admitted that I was feeling lonely and needed some support. She responded with a lot of love. Was very helpful.
Through this entire process, I'm learning (once again) to accept that which I have no control over -- whether it's in relationships or in surgical results. It's about reaching out for support... and speaking up for your well-being and that which you can make decisions about.
Thank you again everyone. Means a lot to me.
I accept all **hugs** !! Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 1,618
LifeChange, from the bits of your story that you've shared here, you sound like someone who is really coming into the full possession of their resilience. You have been through a lot, but you are still thoughtful, reflective, trying to change and grow (even your username!). That leads me to think that you will be okay post-surgery. You know what your options are and you have the will to act on them. You've got a lot of strength, even if you feel weak at times.
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,424
Everything is a lesson we can grow from--most especially the hard stuff.
I'm actually grateful for all of it now. I never thought I would be able to forgive and embrace so many things I viewed as negative. I thought they were kryptonite but they have turned into gold.
Let us know how your meeting goes LC.
I'm actually grateful for all of it now. I never thought I would be able to forgive and embrace so many things I viewed as negative. I thought they were kryptonite but they have turned into gold.
Let us know how your meeting goes LC.
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Join Date: Apr 2019
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After 5 years of hell... surgeries, pain, limited income, a toxic relationship...
I finally have a glimmer of hope! Today I was offered a full-time job! And it was for the organization I really wanted, badly! I start during the 1st week of July giving me enough time to heal from surgery!! I couldn't have asked for a better situation.
WooHoo!!
Thank you again, everyone for all your support and positivity.
I'm nowhere "recovered" -- but feeling very optimistic (for the 1st time in 5 years!!) before a difficult surgery.
I finally have a glimmer of hope! Today I was offered a full-time job! And it was for the organization I really wanted, badly! I start during the 1st week of July giving me enough time to heal from surgery!! I couldn't have asked for a better situation.
WooHoo!!
Thank you again, everyone for all your support and positivity.
I'm nowhere "recovered" -- but feeling very optimistic (for the 1st time in 5 years!!) before a difficult surgery.
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