purpleprincess

I'm back almost two years later. Wow, alot has chanced since then! I cannot even begin to explain my experiences. The person I considered to be my boyfriend for almost three years is an addict. His behavior has become more and more weird along with periods of being "normal". His sweet caring attitude his withering away. And the things that he says sometimes it makes sense and other times it's hateful and/or nonsense.

It has gotten to the point when I see him I just see someone totally different. I needed his support when I had the miscarriage he was gone through the whole procedure. He called to talk with me that before the surgery took place I thought he would have been there when I woke up in recovery but no I woke up alone and very emotional. I didnt see him until the following day after my surgery. I was weak still and so confused. How could someone love me but not be there during such a horrible time? I told him how I felt and he said he felt wrong for not being there but that didn't change.
I have tried to help I have listened to what seems to be cries for help. He calls his addiction "depression" he said he was gonna get help for it. But I have yet taken him to a meeting.i believe he is lying to me.
Everytime I try to tell him I think we should just go our separate ways he speaks over top of me. As if he doesn't want to hear me or let the words come out of my mouth.

I have distance myself I don't wanna talk to him, but some where inside me misses him. But I know the person I see now is not the person I fell in love with...I know he is there deep down but that person is not who I deal with as of today.

Sometimes I just wonder if he will just forget me for good. Or will he just not come around me anymore for a while and demand time with me? Honestly, not sure which I would prefer. Feel like a caged bird I just want to be free!

dandylion

purpleprincess…..the following song may validate what you are feeling, just now...

https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q...0ABE&FORM=VIRE

AnvilheadII

why are you waiting for HIS permission to make choices in your own life? he's not the boss of you. he only has exactly as much control over you as you give away.

you wanna be done? then BE DONE.

mylifeismine

PP,
No, of course he doesn't want to hear your words. He wants you
right where he's got you and he wants you to be happy with the
sorry little tokens of love he throws your way- just enough to
keep you down. His addiction is #1 in his life, not you.

If you want a mate that will be there to comfort you in times of
difficulty and sorrow, he's not that person. Maybe he was at one
time, maybe it was an act to get you hooked in. But, hes not that person now. Healthy relationships need a foundation of trust, respect, and mature love.

Amaranth

[I]Healthy relationships need a foundation of trust, respect, and mature love[I]

This is my new affirmation!! Thank you for your words

purpleprincess

Thank you! You are absolutely right! I have allowed him to control areas of my life for way too long. I haven't had contact in about a week now. I'm trying to stay strong. Cause it is eating at me, I watch him sit on the edge of his bed and cry. He claims he is going to meetings but I haven't seen him go to one yet. The lies and disrespect is unreal. I cannot make excuses for him any longer. He is who he is until he wants better. Thank you for putting things into perspective.

purpleprincess

Mylifeismine,
Thank you, for some reason like most I thought no he was gonna be able to overcome this lifestyle. He has just gotten more and more sucked in. I'm keeping myself distant I don't want to speak to him. Cause everything now always ends up being my fault. I don't know this person. Nor do I like it. Thank again for your words of wisdom. Love doesn't do any of this. I'm going to continue my no contact and hope that I continue to keep my strength and not fall for this person that I don't even know now.

purpleprincess

dandylion,

Thank you for the song, appreciate it.