noonesomeone

Hi everyone, thanks for having me. I have been friends with a new person I met for about six months. We met through doing stuff with our kids. She is great. It's been a healthy friendship so far. Seeing each other when we can, which is not too often, doing checking in and support by text. I'm very grateful for this.

A week or two ago she told me that she is an alcoholic. Nothing happened that made me need to know this. I have experienced exactly zero wacky behavior (drunk or not drunk) from her. She just said she wanted me to have this information. She has been sober for a year.

I'm not sure why I'm here. She's the same person I liked before and still like. There's a solid connection but not "too much." I just wanted to say hi, to see who replies, and see if you tell me there's anything I should watch out for, especially from myself.

I have alcoholism in my family (my grandfather was an alcoholic, and my dad is very visibly a child of an alcoholic), and a friend who is in recovery and another friend who is not, but I don't see them often.

dandylion

Hi noonesomeone!…..if she is just a friend, and, she is not behaving in any problematic ways...why does it make any difference....?
I am wondering if you might have some secret interest of a romantic nature, in this "friend".....
If that is true, then it will become a different ball of wax....
In my experience...in a platonic friendship...where one person is harboring feelings of attraction....it always becomes an issue, before it is over....

So, if I may ask---what is the real deal, here,,,?

Gm0824

Hi, glad you posted. Honestly, I wish I would have taken the time to learn about addictions, this forum and healthy relationships before I found myself in the thick of it, so to speak. Better late than never though! For me, reading here and what I have learned in al-anon have helped me look out for myself and keeping my peace/happiness not only in dealing with an addict but in general, with people, places and things. Can't hurt to read the stickies. As they say, take what you like and leave the rest!

thequest

If she is a recovering alcoholic help her stay on the path by trying not to drink in presence and do as much sober as possible even if alcohol available.

Maybe that's why she mentioned it so she doesn't have to ask or tell you to keep away from detrimental environments/situations.

FallenAngelina

I know that this is standard advice, but if our drinking or not drinking in the presence of a recovering alcoholic could have much influence, we wouldn't need all of the 12 Step programs, books, talks, forums, rehabs, meetings and meditations. I get that this tip is meant as helpful, and it's certainly common enough, but whether we have drink or not is totally ineffectual. If our own temperance really could support someone's sobriety, how much easier all of this would be. Many of us would like to believe that our own drinking restrictions will be the difference between their sobriety and falling off the wagon, but the fact is that we have absolutely no power whatsoever whether someone else drinks or not. Zero, zip, nada.

Sleepyhollo

I agree with that she may have said something just so there is no need to coax her/pressure her into having a drink
As far as not drinking around an alcoholic, I refuse to give up my occasional drink. Maybe I am a jerk but then so be it. I’m divorced now so it doesn’t matter but I would still have a drink when we went out to dinner. Maybe I felt that he had changed my life enough and I didn’t want to give it up for him, I had already given up enough for him. I agree that me drinking or not drinking isn’t gonna make much of a difference. If they are on a good path of recovery then they will be fine, and if not well then they are just waiting to relapse and anything will be used as an excuse for their relapse. He had said that being around alcohol didn’t really affect him in that it would make him want to drink but he doesn’t like it when people become a little loose (not even drunk ) after 2 or 3 drinks and he gets uncomfortable. He may do better with that now I don’t know. That was about 6-7 months out of rehab
I will add that at home I never drank (unless we had a a party) and I still don’t drink when I am by myself now that I am on my own but I enjoy having one or two drinks with dinner (when I was still with him I would just have one) or when I am out with friends
It is unlikely that I will ever be in a serious relationship with a recovering addict of any sort ( I know never say never but I’m fairly certain). Not because they aren’t good people but because there is always that risk of relapse and having lived through it once was enough for me. Obviously there are lots of recovering addicts that are de good people and do well in relationships but I’m just not willing to take the risk.