Update and interesting email
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2019
Posts: 21
Update and interesting email
Hi all. I debated posting here but figured you might be able to offer some insight and experience with something that came up.
One of my children started a sport at school recently. Since they are a returning player, they were supposed to update the contact information the coaches have for them. My child promptly and seriously told the coach that his dad (my AH) had "moved on to a better place" and that his contact information (and that of my AH's family) could be removed. That night I get an email from the coach offering condolences and asking if the team could help in any way. I was obviously confused and replied as such. I then explained to him that my child does not want the father at practices and games and this was probably their attempt at making sure AH (and family) did not get any schedules.
I have not mentioned to my child that I am aware of this situation. I really just don't even know what to say. My heart of hearts cannot blame them. I have failed at keeping AH away from school functions before on the grounds that they are a public place and I do not have a restraining order. Due to his covert actions and my micromanaging or home environment, there are not red flag reasons to obtain a protective order. DK does not want drama at their functions. I agree. But they cannot "kill" their dad.
Coach is onboard with taking AH (and family) off of the contact lists and also of enforcing "closed practices" and "no parents on the field" rules but I have to put that on a coach. Has anyone had experience with this?
thank you all!
One of my children started a sport at school recently. Since they are a returning player, they were supposed to update the contact information the coaches have for them. My child promptly and seriously told the coach that his dad (my AH) had "moved on to a better place" and that his contact information (and that of my AH's family) could be removed. That night I get an email from the coach offering condolences and asking if the team could help in any way. I was obviously confused and replied as such. I then explained to him that my child does not want the father at practices and games and this was probably their attempt at making sure AH (and family) did not get any schedules.
I have not mentioned to my child that I am aware of this situation. I really just don't even know what to say. My heart of hearts cannot blame them. I have failed at keeping AH away from school functions before on the grounds that they are a public place and I do not have a restraining order. Due to his covert actions and my micromanaging or home environment, there are not red flag reasons to obtain a protective order. DK does not want drama at their functions. I agree. But they cannot "kill" their dad.
Coach is onboard with taking AH (and family) off of the contact lists and also of enforcing "closed practices" and "no parents on the field" rules but I have to put that on a coach. Has anyone had experience with this?
thank you all!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
Oh how sad! My heart goes out to you and your child, sounds like you're making the best of a tough situation. I haven't had this experience but it sounds like you're handling it as well as possible. A big hug.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,629
I haven't heard of this type of situation or experienced it samlynn but as "sad" as it really is, I say well done to your Son for protecting himself.
He actually went to the right place and addressed the situation.
That's very mature of him. While the way he said it might have been a bit evasive/misleading, I still think it was a terrific move on his part. Learning to protect yourself against those that might harm you is not always an obvious lesson in dysfunctional/alcoholic households.
Then you backed him up, I'd say this is all great (perhaps with time he will be able to be more forthright about his reasons).
He actually went to the right place and addressed the situation.
That's very mature of him. While the way he said it might have been a bit evasive/misleading, I still think it was a terrific move on his part. Learning to protect yourself against those that might harm you is not always an obvious lesson in dysfunctional/alcoholic households.
Then you backed him up, I'd say this is all great (perhaps with time he will be able to be more forthright about his reasons).
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 8,999
Originally Posted by trailmix 
I haven't heard of this type of situation or experienced it samlynn but as "sad" as it really is, I say well done to your Son for protecting himself.
He actually went to the right place and addressed the situation.
That's very mature of him. While the way he said it might have been a bit evasive/misleading, I still think it was a terrific move on his part. Learning to protect yourself against those that might harm you is not always an obvious lesson in dysfunctional/alcoholic households.
Then you backed him up, I'd say this is all great (perhaps with time he will be able to be more forthright about his reasons).
He actually went to the right place and addressed the situation.
That's very mature of him. While the way he said it might have been a bit evasive/misleading, I still think it was a terrific move on his part. Learning to protect yourself against those that might harm you is not always an obvious lesson in dysfunctional/alcoholic households.
Then you backed him up, I'd say this is all great (perhaps with time he will be able to be more forthright about his reasons).
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