Amends

Old 05-16-2019, 12:31 PM
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Amends

My husband is getting close to making amends. Many of the people are also people that were involved in hurting me. Can anyone offer advice or talk about how that made you feel? I am nervous about his contact with these people while I recognize how important it is for his journey.
Ewwfiate is offline  
Old 05-16-2019, 02:08 PM
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Hi there - just a couple thoughts...both my husband and I are in recovery and it is each of our own business how we make our own amends. It's really a private thing and I'd want another person to give me the space my husband does to decide what I want to share. Is yours asking for your involvement? If so, I'd tread carefully and even if he is asking - truthfully, I'd stay out of it.

Does he have a good sponsor? From your intro we don't know how long he has been sober, how he is doing the steps (ie on his own, with a sponsor like the program recommends....) and other info that factors into all this, IMO and IME.

Are you in al-anon? I'm assuming you are not also an alcoholic.

I also found that amends haven't been a one and done process for me. Some I did "early" and two important ones just recently, and I am 3+ yr sober. About a 2 yr gap from first to most recent. And, in my program path, attention to new/ongoing amends and personal inventory is really necessary.

Lastly - I'd ask anyone in my life to respectfully back out til I had worked all the steps, if I didn't want them to completely. It's ultimately my recovery.
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