Troubledone

For anyone who does not know my story - my "addict of concern" is my 37 year old chemically dependent, mentally ill niece, recently committed and now out of treatment. I've spent the last 15 years trying to get her straightened out after three treatment programs, two big drug felonies, one bankruptcy, a string of idiot boyfriends, a mountain of debt and no job.

Now she's pregnant by a guy who has done nothing but lie to her for the past year.

I am completely disgusted.

She just got into a supportive living facility a month ago and started making some small progress with her life and she does this! Can a person get more stupid? Maybe relapsing while she's pregnant might top this stunt.

I could write pages of the lies and stupidity, violence and drama these two engage in. Now there is a small innocent life involved.

Can anyone offer me any consolation in this scenario.

I hate to say it but I want nothing to do with this. I don't want to be part of the pregnancy drama, I don't want to baby sit, I don't want to interact with the idiot boyfriend, I don't want to watch these two stupid addicts screw up a small innocent life. I am praying she miscarries so that this poor innocent life does not have to be put through her narcissism, instability, and general stupidity.

I feel like selling my house, moving out of town and leaving no forwarding address or phone number.

I cannot see one good thing about this situation.

Thanks for listening - I know I need to let go and let God, but golly after 15 years, when does it end?

FeelingGreat

Firstly, from your previous posts I assumed your niece was much younger than 37. Wow. As for the baby, I share your dismay and I know that going completely non-contact is probably not going to work for you, with a youngster involved.
Selling up seems drastic but I get where it's coming from.
Consolation.....could it act to straighten her out? Make her focus on providing a decent life for the baby?

Hawkeye13

You can step back from her and the situation if you choose to.

You always had that power.

It is hard, but sometimes enough is enough.

Troubledone

Thanks for the responses.

I will be trying to figure out what the right place is to be with this. I want to stay in enough touch that I can bring in children's services if it gets bad enough. But I know it will do me in if I get too close.

I am just trying to get calmed down from being so hopping mad I could scream.

Probably means I'm not really letting go. I have a therapy appointment this afternoon, maybe that will help.

hopeful4

This.

She has been one catastrophe after another. It won't stop. Would she consider giving the baby up for adoption? That would be best case. I am sorry friend.

SmallButMighty

Troubledone, try not to future trip my friend. It will only drive you crazy trying to deal with all those "what ifs".

This isn't your burden to bear any more then your niece was, and look what that did to you, don't go back down that rabbit hole!

I know you have grave concerns about the welfare of this impending bundle, but let's wait and see how things unfold and deal with what actually happens instead of grinding up on all the possible scenarios? It's anxiety inducing to split your thoughts into the million directions that can go.

I know it's hard not to think about it.

Deep breathes my friend. Let her do her...

*HUG*




Edit to add: Are you even 100% sure she is pregnant?

dandylion

Troubledone….I am going to send you a PM shortly.....

Troubledone

Thanks everyone!!! truly!

I don't think she'd give the baby up - all she has ever talked about is having a family (ugh) and this is her way, I think, of doing that before she can't - no matter the cost.

However, I so very much appreciate the thought of not future tripping.

I have had so many problems with so many family members that my mind goes into overdrive every time they do something stupid. so, it's not just my niece, but at least half of my 11 siblings and their offspring.

I have stepped away from A LOT, and setting boundaries without makings worse by catastrophizing helps.

Thank you all for your words of concern and wisdom!

hopeful4

My XAH usto work with folks with mental issues (talk about the pot and the kettle, but that's another issue). Even when they would have implants in their arms to prevent pregnancy, they would dig it out so they could have a child. It was alarming.

The mentally ill having children is a huge issue of concern as a nation. However, what I will say is there are a couple of those people who turned out to be really great moms. They really focused on taking better care of themselves because they really wanted to keep their babies and take good care of them.

It's really one day at a time friend. Not future tripping allowed! You have come a long, long way in your own journey, don't let this set you back.

Many hugs! TGIF!!!