Wombaticus

Im generally very strong, but cripes the bad days can hit you like a ton of bricks.
Today is one of those days. Glad its nearly over. AH hungover with other aches and pains that have dominated the day and prevented him from doing anything useful.
Those days when you have to remind yourself of your good points, and how you are deserving of better. No, we can't cure it, can't control or change it. But we didnt choose it either, nor did we choose for it to get worse. And some days, that seems very unfair .

FallenAngelina

But active alcoholism always gets worse - that's the epitome of fair. Every one of us who chooses to live with active alcoholism knows that things will get worse. Even recovery is no holy grail, for it's a long rocky road with no guarantee of happiness, but every alcoholic who does not opt for a full time, committed sobriety program will get worse. That's about as fair as life can get. We know with 100% certainty that the alcoholic we love will sink deeper and deeper into his addiction.

SmallButMighty

It doesn't just seem unfair, it is extremely unfair!

Here is the thing though.... even though we didn't initially choose to have alcoholism affect our lives, it has... and we DO get to choose to what degree we are going to keep letting it do so.

Life is full of choices and consequences, hundreds of them every day.

You absolutely deserve better.

I'm sorry you have had a crappy day. I had several years worth of crappy days when I was still married to my AXH. I empathize.

*hug*

PeacefulWater12

Sorry you have this going on. Sending understanding hugs.

FeelingGreat

Hi W, sorry you're having a bad day, or rather he is, and it's being projected onto you. It must make detachment hard to practice.

Hope tomorrow's better.

Mango212

Hi Wombaticus,

What are you doing for yourself today? How are you doing?

Wombaticus

Hi Mango. Not a great day. Just a Sunday at home doing chores. AH has a stomach upset...no surprises there...but is drinking alone again now despite having felt crook all day.
I hate this. I hate alcohol. I hate the sound of the wine glass hitting the benchtop. I hate my anger, I hate the sadness, I hate feeling sorry for him and I hate feeling lonely. I hate that I didnt choose this.
Tantrum over.
All I can control and concentrate on is what I think right now. I'm going to meditate and talk to my HP. 🙏

Seren

I get how stuck and unhappy all this can make you feel...you married someone and now have this alcoholic in their place. Perhaps you knew that "perhaps he drinks too much--sometimes" when you got married, but now his drinking affects nearly each and every day.

I quote SmallButMighty here because it is so true. You do have choices. I hope you and your HP will take some time and make a plan that is best for you. Whatever that is, we will support you. Just remember, not everything has to be decided today--this minute!! Sending prayers and support your way!

Gettingcloser

It is a hell of a lot to ask of a human being to deal with what you are going though right now. You want to use love, understanding, compassion and reason to tackle this issue and yet up against alcoholism you can use none of these wonderful traits.
If he does not seek to actively quit drinking then you will need to make a decision to save yourself because it will only get worse.