Toxic Families: Scapegoating
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Join Date: Apr 2018
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Toxic Families: Scapegoating
I'm finding that loving myself, having gentleness, kindness and acknowledgement of the abuse are important elements in moving ahead. Some info on scapegoating:
Why would a family choose a loved one to bully and scapegoat?
The answer has a lot to do with the concept of scapegoating and the purpose it serves. Scapegoating is often a way for families to hide problems that they cannot face.
"The scapegoat is often an individual who generally exhibits relative stability and emotional health compared to the rest of the household."
"The scapegoat will sometimes grow to believe others’ perceptions of them and/or recognize their unfair treatment and struggle with trust issues."
So how do we break the cycle?
The good news is that you're not doomed to a negative outcome. Many people go on to live full and healthy lives despite the emotional and verbal abuse that comes along with scapegoating.
You are in control now. You get to decide what your life will look like from this point forward. Here are a few key steps to breaking the cycle of dysfunction:
1. Challenge yourself
It's important to understand that your inner voice has been corrupted. Much of what you have come to believe about yourself is completely false. Confront your fears and start taking practical steps to dismantle these misconceptions. Start small.
2. Find support
You have to find a community of healthy support. There will be a normal range of human emotions as you deconstruct your old self-image and begin building a healthy new one. Choose carefully who you allow to stand with you. Exposing your vulnerability to the wrong person will do more harm than good. Healthy connections will become easier with practice.
3. Get away
It's tough to tap into your potential around people who are committed to their small perception of you. If at all possible, get away from your environment. If this isn't possible, find a mental escape or a happy place (a park, museum, church, the gym) where you can go to unplug, meditate and affirm yourself.
4. Explore
Discover who you are and what you like. Explore your interests. Try new things. Take on new hobbies.
Why would a family choose a loved one to bully and scapegoat?
The answer has a lot to do with the concept of scapegoating and the purpose it serves. Scapegoating is often a way for families to hide problems that they cannot face.
"The scapegoat is often an individual who generally exhibits relative stability and emotional health compared to the rest of the household."
"The scapegoat will sometimes grow to believe others’ perceptions of them and/or recognize their unfair treatment and struggle with trust issues."
So how do we break the cycle?
The good news is that you're not doomed to a negative outcome. Many people go on to live full and healthy lives despite the emotional and verbal abuse that comes along with scapegoating.
You are in control now. You get to decide what your life will look like from this point forward. Here are a few key steps to breaking the cycle of dysfunction:
1. Challenge yourself
It's important to understand that your inner voice has been corrupted. Much of what you have come to believe about yourself is completely false. Confront your fears and start taking practical steps to dismantle these misconceptions. Start small.
2. Find support
You have to find a community of healthy support. There will be a normal range of human emotions as you deconstruct your old self-image and begin building a healthy new one. Choose carefully who you allow to stand with you. Exposing your vulnerability to the wrong person will do more harm than good. Healthy connections will become easier with practice.
3. Get away
It's tough to tap into your potential around people who are committed to their small perception of you. If at all possible, get away from your environment. If this isn't possible, find a mental escape or a happy place (a park, museum, church, the gym) where you can go to unplug, meditate and affirm yourself.
4. Explore
Discover who you are and what you like. Explore your interests. Try new things. Take on new hobbies.
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