trailmix

I wouldn't worry about the embarrassment for one second. It's just not important. You are not him, he is not you. That's just my personal opinion though, of course.

Are you sure this is what's going on with your anxiety or is it just where you have chosen to focus. Living with an alcoholic is not easy.

Velma, I was hoping you would post your experience. This is the reality. People get hurt. The consequences are life changing for all involved.

My exH was driving to work one morning (not an alcoholic and sober).

He got to a main intersection and a woman flew through (running a red light) in her little car. Her car clipped the corner of his pick-up truck. She was in her 30s, she was drunk and she died.

He felt awful, but there was no way to avoid the collision and I'm glad he wasn't hurt badly (just some bruising on his leg).

Action

I'm sorry but what is a SCRAM bracelet?

Leana

Been through it 3 times with our AD. 1st at age 17, 2nd at age 23 (spent 14 days in jail that time), and the 3rd time was 2 months ago. She totaled her car that time but the cop didn't catch her, she had our granddaughter in the car. I knew immediately, how the cop didn't? I have no idea. But that time I had had it. I filed for temporary custody of grandchild and told her either rehab and sober or I will file for permanent custody. She went to rehab. She made 60 days sober last week. Granddaughter is still with us. I won't give up custody until she is sober at least 6 months. (I've been through this before, she's never made it 6 months before)
Our state laws got really tough on repeat DUI offenders. If she is caught again it is a felony and she goes to state jail for 2 years.

I used to be a total wreck. Terrified she would kill herself or another person. But I had to stop, I was making myself sick. I did what I could be saving my grandchild. Hopefully that will be the extra she needs to stay sober. We will see.

thequest

I can't emphasize this enough. No enabling with money or quite frankly with rides under the guise of designated driver or uber. No money for lawyers, programs, fines etc. The drunk driver must experience and deal with that. I was asked to pay for a lawyer I told them a consult only no more than a few hundred dollars and they gave me a dirty look but it apparently worked and were able to find their own lawyer who handled it from all the way through.

The designated driver or free ride anytime of things can be tricky because it's easy for one to be extorted in to giving rides to and from a bar so they don't drive drunk. Public safety should not be your responsibility as a third party who is not partaking in the alcoholics activities/drinking.

To get around the ride refusal to bars the alcoholic then started asking for rides mid day to the gym, store, bank etc but sure enough by 10 at night sure enough we were getting calls to pick him up at a bar. There are multiple issues here. Them not paying for a taxi, uber or public transportation leaves them more time and money to drink. And many alcoholics already abuse relationships feeling entitled to favors like designated driving. But if you don't not set clear cut boundaries they'll have you driving them around all day like a soccer mom who drives their kids to various activities. More importantly the drunk driver/ offender must deal with all the consequences of a suspended or revoked license-not friends and family.

schnappi99

Sorry for being somewhat off-topic, I just heard that the lucky alcoholic husband I mentioned a few posts ago got arrested at 3am- not a felony kick-the-door-in but he was carted off in cuffs, phone dropped in the yard and ruined by rain when they hustled him off. All in front of his 13 yr old son who was spending the weekend there to see his friends, left there alone when the cops departed. The charge was contempt for failing to appear at his court date end in March. He had put his house up for $10k bond- that likely puts his house in jeopardy- which his mother had paid off for him a year or so ago. Maybe she will pay off his bills again..

Thats the life-in-the-raw alcoholic end game. Not long ago he was a successful general contractor, yard full of equipment he used to earn a good living all year round with a clean and well-kept house. Now its all a rotting mess and he's in jail for real.

I am profoundly grateful my friend went to Alanon and made her choice to get out about 2yrs ago, with the boys, who have a safe, clean and quiet place they can come home to.

hopeful4

A bracelet that goes around your ankle and has a monitor. If you drink I believe it is picked up via your sweat but may be mistaken. It carries a monthly cost and is not cheap from what I hear.