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My first post.........my heart hurts......looking for any suggestions I just found this website and thank you in advance for your input. I really don’t know where to start. I am mid 40s and my AW and I have been married almost 25 wonderful years. Well 19 wonderful years. The last 6 years my wife has progressively drank more and more. To the point of now it’s a 30 pack of beer per day and she hasn’t gotten out of house in over 2 months. She wanted to go to rehab once and we packed her a bag and made it Into the admin office into to be told that her case wasn’t serious enough. Well it’s serious now and she won’t back. I have looked up high dollar female only rehab clinics but she won’t go. Now she won’t even talk about it. I know I enable her. Hell I even buy her beer for her because listening to her screaming got so bad and I am terrified she will just drive to the store if it don’t. I really don’t know what to do. I have never talked to anyone about this. Would giving her an ultimatum of her stopping drinking or me leaving help? Any advice would be appreciated |
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It is good you are now talking to others about it, here on SR. Glad you found us. The situation you're in is complex and I'm sorry you're dealing with it. Going to Al-Anon has helped me tremendously with my own complicated situation. Ideally an ultimatum would work--but you didn't Cause, can't Control, and can't Cure her problem, so your words may not have much impact. Read as much as you can on this site, see if Al-Anon is helpful, and/or read the book How Al-Anon Works...all are great resources. |
I am sorry for what brings you here, but glad you sought help for yourself and had the courage to reach out. Continue to read all you can. I learn so much just from lurking on these forums even if it takes a long time to really sink in. Just knowing at this moment you are not alone helps. Alanon is also a wonderful resource and something I have found to be invaluable are the bridge phone meetings. There are multiple meetings a day and even if for various reasons you are unable to commit to a face to face just listening to others and possibly sharing is empowering: https://al-anon.org/al-anon-meetings/electronic-meetings/ |
Originally Posted by Imissmywife
(Post 7162160)
I just found this website and thank you in advance for your input. I really don’t know where to start. I am mid 40s and my AW and I have been married almost 25 wonderful years. Well 19 wonderful years. The last 6 years my wife has progressively drank more and more. To the point of now it’s a 30 pack of beer per day and she hasn’t gotten out of house in over 2 months. She wanted to go to rehab once and we packed her a bag and made it Into the admin office into to be told that her case wasn’t serious enough. Well it’s serious now and she won’t back. I have looked up high dollar female only rehab clinics but she won’t go. Now she won’t even talk about it. I know I enable her. Hell I even buy her beer for her because listening to her screaming got so bad and I am terrified she will just drive to the store if it don’t. I really don’t know what to do. I have never talked to anyone about this. Would giving her an ultimatum of her stopping drinking or me leaving help? Any advice would be appreciated Your AW sounds like she's in all sorts of trouble as, apart from the drinking, she's not leaving the house. It might also be dangerous for her to stop drinking abruptly even if she wanted to. Many heavy drinkers require medical supervision. You say you haven't talked to anyone about this, and the first thing I would suggest is you stop making it into a secret. Find someone to talk to, preferably your family doctor if you have one, or a counsellor experienced in addiction. You won't be able to keep this up indefinitely without exploding in some way. The suggestion of Al-anon is a great one, because you will meet many many people who know what you're going through. Look after yourself first, and then make any decisions about how you will proceed. Your doctor will probably have many resources you can use to help yourself and her. |
Welcome to Hell. I'm here to greet you and share that your answer lies in Alanon. Go as often as you can for as long as you can, and read many, many posts here. She is going to destroy your credit, your retirement, and you if you let her. Not because she is evil, but because alcoholism is evil. She's no longer capable of making good decisions or caring about anybody else. She is no longer the woman she was, and she never will be again even if she finds sobriety. Your old life with her is over forever. But, if she finds sobriety, there may be a good life with her again. The problem is that she is a long way from doing that right now and IMHO you can do only one thing about it-- work on yourself in Alanon. Separately, please consider selling all but one of your vehicles and then making sure you have the only way to start that rig. She will kill somebody, herself, or both-- it's just a matter of time while she's drinking. Good luck to you Sir, and if you care about her as much as you say you do you will attend at least six Alanon meetings before giving up. Take care, Cyranoak |
Hello and welcome! |
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