Found a disturbing text
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Found a disturbing text
As this Ferris wheel of choas continues, my ABF came home drunk at 5am he started drinking at 11am the previous day. Anyway I went through his phone and found a couple disturbing text messages. In one message he was asking some guy what bar he was at , said he was on his way and then asked the guy if he had any "candy". The guy replied "candy is on its way". In another message to a different guy friend - the guy asked if he had any "goodies"- AH replied "yes (the other guy) came through for me". The guy replied "great can't wait (delete after reading)". OK so obviously "candy" is a slang for drugs. Do any of you know which drug in particular? Or is this slang for any kind of drugs? I know for a fact he does not smoke pot. He doesn't like it at all. In any case this was (once again) the final straw . I can't wait to remove myself from this nightmare!
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Originally Posted by Amusic 
As this Ferris wheel of choas continues, my ABF came home drunk at 5am he started drinking at 11am the previous day. Anyway I went through his phone and found a couple disturbing text messages. In one message he was asking some guy what bar he was at , said he was on his way and then asked the guy if he had any "candy". The guy replied "candy is on its way". In another message to a different guy friend - the guy asked if he had any "goodies"- AH replied "yes (the other guy) came through for me". The guy replied "great can't wait (delete after reading)". OK so obviously "candy" is a slang for drugs. Do any of you know which drug in particular? Or is this slang for any kind of drugs? I know for a fact he does not smoke pot. He doesn't like it at all. In any case this was (once again) the final straw . I can't wait to remove myself from this nightmare!
I'm not big on snooping, bu sometimes it's the only way to know the truth. It's good that you know this little factoid about your AH now.
Hopefully you will take it for what it is, and make decisions based on the truth of things. I took far too long to look at things honestly and accept things as they were and, believe me, it was a wild ride. The time I wasted hoping he'd change -- I'll never get that time back.
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Thank you for your reply. I'm a bit in shock about this info , as I just thought his drug of choice was drinking , and that was bad enough. I've already wasted so much time (6.5years) , it's been the most insane ride of my life. Living together is a trap , but I'm going to get myself out of this mess.
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https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...tact-good.html (Struggling to go no contact for good.)
It sounds like you're in a dangerous situation. Do you have the phone number of a local DV advocate or hotline?
Do you have anywhere you can go to today and tonight to give yourself safety, space and clarity?
((((hugs))))
It sounds like you're in a dangerous situation. Do you have the phone number of a local DV advocate or hotline?
Do you have anywhere you can go to today and tonight to give yourself safety, space and clarity?
((((hugs))))
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Originally Posted by Mango212
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...tact-good.html (Struggling to go no contact for good.)
It sounds like you're in a dangerous situation. Do you have the phone number of a local DV advocate or hotline?
Do you have anywhere you can go to today and tonight to give yourself safety, space and clarity?
((((hugs))))
It sounds like you're in a dangerous situation. Do you have the phone number of a local DV advocate or hotline?
Do you have anywhere you can go to today and tonight to give yourself safety, space and clarity?
((((hugs))))
I'm going to contact the DV hotline and tomorrow i'm going to go look
at a few apartments. I know I've been stuck in this situation for far too long, I'm aware of what I need to do to get out. The ONLY thing that is in my way
are the extreme prices for rentals. I have a great place for a great price , but since he refuses to leave , it's up to me to make the move. I'm also going to the court to look into a restraining order. Preferably though I'd like to find a place to move asap.
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Originally Posted by Amusic
I'm going to contact the DV hotline and tomorrow i'm going to go look
at a few apartments. I know I've been stuck in this situation for far too long, I'm aware of what I need to do to get out. The ONLY thing that is in my way
are the extreme prices for rentals. I have a great place for a great price , but since he refuses to leave , it's up to me to make the move. I'm also going to the court to look into a restraining order. Preferably though I'd like to find a place to move asap.
You can sort all these things out -- after you have moved, after you have the restraining order, when you are safe.
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Originally Posted by Needabreak
Yes, finding a place to move asap is the most important thing, especially if he is abusive. Don't tell him you saw those text messages, don't ask him about "candy," don't tell him you're looking for another place.
You can sort all these things out -- after you have moved, after you have the restraining order, when you are safe.
You can sort all these things out -- after you have moved, after you have the restraining order, when you are safe.
Thank you. You're right. I don't plan on saying anything to him until i have signed a new lease or restraining order. I've been attending Alanon for almost 3months now. And I've learned to refocus, but at the same time I no longer want to tolerate living in an unhealthy environment.
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Originally Posted by Amusic
Thank you. You're right. I don't plan on saying anything to him until i have signed a new lease or restraining order. I've been attending Alanon for almost 3months now. And I've learned to refocus, but at the same time I no longer want to tolerate living in an unhealthy environment.
Just a word of caution, I wouldn't mention a new lease or restraining order to him when you get one or the other, or both.
He can be served with the order - he will know you are moving when you have moved out. When you do you should have people with you, never want to be alone with him.
It's not safe to tell him even when he is "sober", because he can be drunk/stoned in half an hour.
Please take good care of yourself and circle the wagons.
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Don't reveal your sources and use those text for information only.
Here the alcoholic is big on uppers for lack of better word. Big thing the back and forth or mixing them alcohol can cause wild mood swings including vigorous temper tantrums to say the least.
Years ago it was occasional cocaine, pot, adderall among other thing including steroids. Of late it's been things like adderall, sports and caffeinated diet sodas. which still causes mood swings.
Be careful, tread lightly because he could off for the smallest or irrelevant thing.
Here the alcoholic is big on uppers for lack of better word. Big thing the back and forth or mixing them alcohol can cause wild mood swings including vigorous temper tantrums to say the least.
Years ago it was occasional cocaine, pot, adderall among other thing including steroids. Of late it's been things like adderall, sports and caffeinated diet sodas. which still causes mood swings.
Be careful, tread lightly because he could off for the smallest or irrelevant thing.
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Ah, that perfect horrible storm of alcohol and cocaine. Nicotine was the third leg of the tripod.
Does it matter what "candy" is (probably cocaine)? You have enough evidence that you need to leave. Your original post was from almost 2 months ago. Take immediate steps and get the eff out.
What's keeping you there?
Does it matter what "candy" is (probably cocaine)? You have enough evidence that you need to leave. Your original post was from almost 2 months ago. Take immediate steps and get the eff out.
What's keeping you there?
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Originally Posted by MindfulMan
Ah, that perfect horrible storm of alcohol and cocaine. Nicotine was the third leg of the tripod.
Does it matter what "candy" is (probably cocaine)? You have enough evidence that you need to leave. Your original post was from almost 2 months ago. Take immediate steps and get the eff out.
What's keeping you there?
Does it matter what "candy" is (probably cocaine)? You have enough evidence that you need to leave. Your original post was from almost 2 months ago. Take immediate steps and get the eff out.
What's keeping you there?
The ONLY thing that is keeping me there is that rents in my area are up to $3000.00!! It's nearly impossible to find a Suitable living place that is affordable. It took me 3 years to find the place I'm at now. I have a house plus huge garage and all my stuff. I'm trying to figure it out and constantly searching . I just arrived at the courthouse now to look into a restraining order since he refuses to leave and the place is in my name not his. I feel totally TRAPPED !
No Dogma Please
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So file it and get rid of him, preferably after making a domestic violence report. I understand that this is difficult, but doesn't sound like you have much of a choice.
I hope that you can do this as quickly as possible, and that you're not holding back because of any remaining feelings for this guy.
I hope that you can do this as quickly as possible, and that you're not holding back because of any remaining feelings for this guy.
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Originally Posted by MindfulMan
So file it and get rid of him, preferably after making a domestic violence report. I understand that this is difficult, but doesn't sound like you have much of a choice.
I hope that you can do this as quickly as possible, and that you're not holding back because of any remaining feelings for this guy.
I hope that you can do this as quickly as possible, and that you're not holding back because of any remaining feelings for this guy.
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I feel totally TRAPPED !
Not a good place to be. Good luck with the restraining order. If they direct you towards evicting him please take that route.
Does he contribute towards your rent/utilities? Maybe when he’s gone, get a roommate?
Saying positive thoughts for a good outcome for you.
Not a good place to be. Good luck with the restraining order. If they direct you towards evicting him please take that route.
Does he contribute towards your rent/utilities? Maybe when he’s gone, get a roommate?
Saying positive thoughts for a good outcome for you.
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Originally Posted by atalose
I feel totally TRAPPED !
Not a good place to be. Good luck with the restraining order. If they direct you towards evicting him please take that route.
Does he contribute towards your rent/utilities? Maybe when he’s gone, get a roommate?
Saying positive thoughts for a good outcome for you.
Not a good place to be. Good luck with the restraining order. If they direct you towards evicting him please take that route.
Does he contribute towards your rent/utilities? Maybe when he’s gone, get a roommate?
Saying positive thoughts for a good outcome for you.
Thank you. Yes he pays half of the rent. I can afford the place on my own though, that's not the problem. I can't afford to lose my mental health. There's lots of "gaslighting" going on. For instance last week he came home drunk fell over in the bathroom - when I went into the bathroom after he had gone to bed there was blood on the floor and all over the shower curtain. I asked him if he was ok and where the blood is coming from. He blamed me for the blood and told me I put it there - he didn't remember falling. Anyway this is just one of many situations that have occurred that leave my mind spinning in panic mode. I can't physically and mentally do this anymore.
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Good for you to investigate restraining orders and eviction. This situation sounds really bad and the sooner you are physically out of it, the better. With the eviction route, you may need a short-term place where you can stay when he is served with the eviction notice and given a time period within which to move out. Do you know of any short-term options in your area?
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Posts: 5,103
I can't physically and mentally do this anymore.
I think I spent way too much time arguing my point of view because he always told me I was wrong and I felt I needed to prove I was right. But once I knew better and stopped reacting to his quacking It was like another hurdle I crossed while trying to find the exit.
As long as you know what your eyes see and what your ears hear that’s all that matters.
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Use your phone to video him drunk or high after falling etc. to protect your self. Document his behavior the best you can and check out Crisis intervention services they can help you with restraining orders and great advice.
peace, Action
peace, Action
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