Manipulation
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Manipulation
I have tried to be inclusive of AH when arranging a mtg at child's school to sort out some issues. When i raised the issue of the mtg he said "I'm going, am I?". Insisted the tiime/date had been issued to him then he went away and got a printout of the email exchange.
I'm so angry. The issue at school gets completely lost in the point scoring against me.
When I suggested that he seems very angry at me a lot, he replied...you too. If I said I thought his hair was blue, h i s response would be that mine was too. This is someone who you cannot negotiate with.
I've been considering myself pretty bad at relationships for a while now, but I am going to change the self assessment. I am good at relationships- perhaps a little too good where I support them more than I should. Sound familiar???
I'm so angry. The issue at school gets completely lost in the point scoring against me.
When I suggested that he seems very angry at me a lot, he replied...you too. If I said I thought his hair was blue, h i s response would be that mine was too. This is someone who you cannot negotiate with.
I've been considering myself pretty bad at relationships for a while now, but I am going to change the self assessment. I am good at relationships- perhaps a little too good where I support them more than I should. Sound familiar???
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Posts: 1,254
He's pulling out old emails. He's either thorough or documenting.
Also did you find out with a formal notice or did you hear about it?
Just be careful because he's seems like the type that might wind up recording or bait/set you up. If this is a custody battle I'd lawyer up. There are organizations and services out there if you can't afford a private lawyer.
Be careful with your wording in conversations and be careful what you type in emails and texts. If he were to subpoena your phone and internet records it could proof of what ever. If you follow the news you see what happens when old texts, tweets etc are drug up (Should note there is a divorce lawyer that advertises locally and even he says watch what you do on social media)
If the focus is parental rights/your child try to focus on that and not battles with your AH. Keep those separate if possible.
Stay calm, be safe.
Also did you find out with a formal notice or did you hear about it?
Just be careful because he's seems like the type that might wind up recording or bait/set you up. If this is a custody battle I'd lawyer up. There are organizations and services out there if you can't afford a private lawyer.
Be careful with your wording in conversations and be careful what you type in emails and texts. If he were to subpoena your phone and internet records it could proof of what ever. If you follow the news you see what happens when old texts, tweets etc are drug up (Should note there is a divorce lawyer that advertises locally and even he says watch what you do on social media)
If the focus is parental rights/your child try to focus on that and not battles with your AH. Keep those separate if possible.
Stay calm, be safe.
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,637
Well the blaming is nothing new:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ng-blamed.html (Tired of being blamed)
So I guess this is going to be the way he is going forward as well.
So you made a mistake on the time thing, that's a huge non-issue. He could have emailed you back immediately to clarify but instead chose to wait so he could gleefully put you down. How nice.
The only thing you can do is detach. Don't try to be nice/smooth things over perhaps. I don't mean be mean lol - just be very professional with him, like you would with a work colleague. Perhaps then he can go vent his frustrations at the gym instead of at you. Leaving yourself vulnerable to someone who doesn't have your best interests at heart is guaranteed to hurt you.
Trying to please him is a waste of time. More focus on yourself is key. You are worth it, you're a good person!
I really do think your trying to be civil is a great thing, but when that fails (as it is here), time for plan B, unfortunately. Once he sees you won't be pushed around perhaps his attitude will change.
If I'm remembering correctly he isn't in recovery so marriage counselling is out of the question at this point.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ng-blamed.html (Tired of being blamed)
So I guess this is going to be the way he is going forward as well.
So you made a mistake on the time thing, that's a huge non-issue. He could have emailed you back immediately to clarify but instead chose to wait so he could gleefully put you down. How nice.
The only thing you can do is detach. Don't try to be nice/smooth things over perhaps. I don't mean be mean lol - just be very professional with him, like you would with a work colleague. Perhaps then he can go vent his frustrations at the gym instead of at you. Leaving yourself vulnerable to someone who doesn't have your best interests at heart is guaranteed to hurt you.
Trying to please him is a waste of time. More focus on yourself is key. You are worth it, you're a good person!
I really do think your trying to be civil is a great thing, but when that fails (as it is here), time for plan B, unfortunately. Once he sees you won't be pushed around perhaps his attitude will change.
If I'm remembering correctly he isn't in recovery so marriage counselling is out of the question at this point.
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Join Date: Jan 2019
Posts: 471
Originally Posted by thequest 
He's pulling out old emails. He's either thorough or documenting.
.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2019
Posts: 471
Originally Posted by trailmix
Well the blaming is nothing new:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ng-blamed.html (Tired of being blamed)
So I guess this is going to be the way he is going forward as well.
So you made a mistake on the time thing, that's a huge non-issue. He could have emailed you back immediately to clarify but instead chose to wait so he could gleefully put you down. How nice.
The only thing you can do is detach. Don't try to be nice/smooth things over perhaps. I don't mean be mean lol - just be very professional with him, like you would with a work colleague. Perhaps then he can go vent his frustrations at the gym instead of at you. Leaving yourself vulnerable to someone who doesn't have your best interests at heart is guaranteed to hurt you.
Trying to please him is a waste of time. More focus on yourself is key. You are worth it, you're a good person!
I really do think your trying to be civil is a great thing, but when that fails (as it is here), time for plan B, unfortunately. Once he sees you won't be pushed around perhaps his attitude will change.
If I'm remembering correctly he isn't in recovery so marriage counselling is out of the question at this point.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ng-blamed.html (Tired of being blamed)
So I guess this is going to be the way he is going forward as well.
So you made a mistake on the time thing, that's a huge non-issue. He could have emailed you back immediately to clarify but instead chose to wait so he could gleefully put you down. How nice.
The only thing you can do is detach. Don't try to be nice/smooth things over perhaps. I don't mean be mean lol - just be very professional with him, like you would with a work colleague. Perhaps then he can go vent his frustrations at the gym instead of at you. Leaving yourself vulnerable to someone who doesn't have your best interests at heart is guaranteed to hurt you.
Trying to please him is a waste of time. More focus on yourself is key. You are worth it, you're a good person!
I really do think your trying to be civil is a great thing, but when that fails (as it is here), time for plan B, unfortunately. Once he sees you won't be pushed around perhaps his attitude will change.
If I'm remembering correctly he isn't in recovery so marriage counselling is out of the question at this point.
Counselling is very much out of the question - he's adamant about that. I believe he lacks empathy too, so I'm up against it. Time to get a legal opinion, I think.
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