alwayscovering

I feel like a horrible person right now. It's not that I don't care. I honestly dont know what my problem is...I just dont want to deal with it.

AHs dad died in 2016 and his gran died last year. He constantly uses he misses them as an excuse to drink. And quite frankly I'm tired of hearing about it. I'm sorry they died. I truly am. But go to grief counseling. My dad died in 2009. I was and am still devastated over it. But I went to grief counseling and also attended grief group at church about a year after that. I just get so aggravated when someone can get help but just doesnt. While I totally don't believe anyone has a right to tell a person how to grieve but when you are obviously having trouble processing get some damn therapy.

as always thanks for reading

AnvilheadII

you are not awful, not at all. it isn't that he is truly mired in grief as it is he is using death as a convenient excuse to drink. and you are no longer buying what he's selling.

but you can't make him stop blathering on. or drinking. so it's another step in detachment. leaving the room, having ear buds in, gardening, looking for something in the garage - you get the idea.

alwayscovering

I'm in the other room. Every time hes drinking (so nightly) he stays in the bedroom and I hang out with the kids in the living room until he goes to bed. Sometimes I sleep in our room sometimes I sleep in my sons second bed.

Givenup2018

Always covering, so sorry. Even your name suggests that you are always trying to keep the peace, cover up his behaviour, etc. All the thing us Codies do. Are you going to Al Anon, are you learning to detach and set boundaries?
You know you have no control over his 'quacking', let him 'quack' but keep your peace intact.

velma929

Grief groups, well run ones, will steer someone who is stuck into more intensive, more personal therapy.

I still miss my folks. (They're still gone...sigh) But I'm not drinking myself into a stupor every night.

Sorry you're dealing with this.

NYCDoglvr

Regarding drinking, there's always an excuses but never a reason.

alwayscovering

oh yea I know it's all excuses I guess I just feel bad because I said "I'm sorry you're feeling crappy" but internally I thought 'oh f*cking please' <--thats the part that makes me feel bad. I am sorry hes hurting. I complain but I'm actively working on my issues. Hes just drinking his life away in a dark bedroom.

PeacefulWater12

Thanks so much for sharing about this, it has helped me to read it today in this moment.

Sorry you have this in your life.

trailmix

You know, maybe that is really the issue? If you are saying one thing and thinking another, that's false and means you aren't being true to yourself - the always covering.

That is not good for you, at all, not one little bit. Maybe from now on just say nothing. You don't want to be hurtful, I get that, what's the point. He may well miss them and feel bad, I also get that. He obviously won't seek any help for that problem either.

I would just ignore it. Better to be true to yourself.