hummingbird358

I am so torn as to what to do. Do I unblock my son so he can text me or let it blocked?
He is starting week 4 of no work. Told my husband he is protected under the American Disabilities Act. Has done nothing to seek help except get meds from the doctor for withdrawal but now burned that bridge because the doctor is now refusing to give him anymore...
He continued to drink as well. Spent money on booze, tattoos, etc.

He called the house phone and spoke to his dad. Said about how it is a miracle he is still alive after taking the pills he did but said something about it not being his time.

I see on his phone log that he did send me a text but I didn't get it. It hurts to block his phone but I literally got sick to my stomach when he called the house phone and started to shake.
He needs help badly. I just don't know what is making him not reach out and get it.

Bekindalways

I just don't know Hummingbird. Unfortunately the only thing that makes much difference in the situation is your own self care.

Also it sounds like he knows what is available and where to go if he decides to stop. You are not the one he should go to as you are not a professional.

Mango212

Seriously step away from his phone log. Let him figure out his own communication. Are you paying for his phone?

hummingbird358

Yes, I have him on our plan. He lives 1700 miles away and this is how I know he is still alive some days. He talked with my husband and I know my husband told him to reach out to those in recovery that he knows. I am trying to be strong. He refuses to go back to the place he went to inpatient for their alumni meetings because it costs too much for the uber..... this is why I stay off of the phone... he can afford a tattoo and booze but not an uber.. I talked myself out of unblocking his phone! Like you said, he knows who to reach out to for help.

Mango212

With addiction or even without addiction, these kind of things keep adults locked in a child-state of dependence.

Counseling, Celebrate Recovery, Al-Anon, pick something, anything, and simply start diving into what makes ourselves tick. Changing our outlooks, actions and becoming aware of false core beliefs create abundant opportunities.

AnvilheadII

He continued to drink as well. Spent money on booze, tattoos, etc.
HB your son is quite capable - of doing what HE wants as he wants to. he knows where the money pot is.....mom and dad. he knows if he sounds on the edge, they have up til now raced in to "save" him. i am not saying you taught him to be this dependent, but you all have developed a culture of helplessness in him.

start to see him AS capable. as able to take care of himself. start to see him as currently living his life exactly as HE chooses. we may not LIKE how others conduct themselves, but we are each autonomous beings. believe that he CAN make changes, if those are changes HE wishes to make.

it is not easy. but your blocking him is giving you a break. try not to peek at his phone log? or take him off your plan and let him figure out how to manage that. ya know it takes some planning to get a tattoo.....you need to know where the shop is, have some type of barter/trade to pay for the tattoo, pick out a design, then sit there for an hour or more depending on the complexity of the tattoo.....then there is some aftercare on the tat, etc etc etc. he manages to do that JUST FINE. he can use those same skills for any new adventure.

hopeful4

Let's look at what would happen if you unblock him. Would his behavior change? No. Would it open it up to him manipulating you and your being a basket case? Yes. I say that kindly, because I know this is so hard.

You have to take care of yourself. You have done everything you could possibly do to help him. He has to decide to help himself, or not.

Huge, huge hugs.