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Old 03-16-2019, 06:04 PM   #1 (permalink)
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I'm back and would like to apologize make amends and update


Hi,
I'm sure we all remember me I was pompous, rude, very depressed, and betrayed. I don't want to read any of my posts from last summer please let's not pull them up. I will most likely throw up in disgust at myself and how I treated some members.

I'm the female whose alcoholic "fake fiance" stole all my bosses business cards threatening night after night he was going to call. I finally quit all jobs out of fear but still wanted to help the alcoholic. The last of the $ I had I got us a 3 bedroom as we were planning a family lol yea ok and we were engaged (NOT!)

I stayed in my apt 90 days of summer 18 and slept, felt like dying, cried, barely ever showered. I'm sure we remember the I showered today posts. That's sad. I would relapse on Facebook and yes stalk for answers Are you Alive, Are you in jail, is he in the hospital you name it I was relentless as I remembered the "good times" I had my rose pedal glasses on just like he had his beer googles throughout the whole relationship.

I moved back to my mom's in September and sold everything. I think I mentioned he has a daughter which I was supportive of. The child's mother hit me with several life threatening threats putting me in fear. Going back to my mom's in September I felt safer. I was not contacting him and even treating myself to the longer I went no contact. Things seemed to be getting better. EBay was booming and I'm now in Florida. I did it all on my own.

I had a bad trigger on 11/15/18(anniversary of my grandma's death 4 years ago) I had deleted my Facebook and my best friend in Florida rang my line. She had asked me what I did now to his child's mother? I said nothing. My best friend said well she is on her way to fight you and she isnt playing. She said just make a facebook and talk woman-woman. I said there is no talking with crazy I feel this is disrespecting a boundary but my friend insisted. This is nuts...........my drunk's best friend she was now dating and wanted me to tell her everything I knew about him. Living in my "fake fiance's" room he shared with his best friend i was honest. I saw alot more than alcohol many of addictions with this guy. I even was cordial and said you don't need your 5 kids around him your to pretty for him she put me down as a pill popper when I'm prescribed meds for PTSD . This i guess is crazy as my fake fiance always accused me of sleeping with his best friend. I never even looked at his friend's or spoke to them as I knew he would say that. She even said very hurtful things (she drinks as well and believes her own lies) She said he hates you (my pretend fiance) he is here and so is his bestfriend. YEA SURE. I was not even allowed to speak to anyone and the way he cried I knew he wasnt there.

I stopped talking to my "best friend" as I felt that made the situation much worse. Once I relapsed on FB i noticed this child's mother to my drunk smear campaigned me and tried to tarnish me. I deleted FB again and stayed in therapy. I never called police when maybe I should have but that could have escalated more to violence as she justs does not care. I did inform my attorney though and said one more threat to my life I need some help. I fell into the funk again but showered, ate, gained 10 lbs since the summer as I looked like an Olsen twin. I found out where he worked and the day before I left to down south i put a timer on my phone 2 minutes get it and get out no stalking. It was his birthday and the holidays I handed him 2 cards and he gave me a hug. He said he was losing it and seemed to want to talk but I wasn't staying. My card said Happy Birthday I know we are not in a relationship but even if you call private your chid's mother scares me and I don't want to put her in jail or press charges as I know you will never see your daughter and I know she means the world. Please call private.

Never received a call which hurt but left to Florida. I live in a notel with a kitchen and amenities but it's hard. 448 a week and my job and ebay pays for that and I break even. My faith in God is strong, I'm a member of a church, volunteering for my church, and Celebrate Recovery is out here it wasn't up north. I start Tuesday I plan 1 a day per my job as I never want to go back upnorth. I messed up a "friend" told me his new number finally about 6 months later I spoke to him. He was crying like usual another death in his family. I was empathetic. I said why would you date me to compromise my safety she really scared me and you threatened me that I slept with your best friend but she did.

Like the lady I was rude to on here said he does not like you and will get you on stalking. He said I'm tracking your number and the cops will get you for stalking I said so we dated and we were fake engaged for fireball. He couldn't answer that. He was like I'm at a funeral I said well if I was there I would come running like I did for any deaths you experienced. Convo got no where except all the cops can say is ignore you or there will be repercussions but my lawyer and I have facts my life was compromised. Do I want to do that? No, She has 5 kids and I don't think she would enjoy jail. I hung up and sent a text I forgive you and her and I'm working with my pastor on getting over this and forgiving you. No cops were ever called he is always drunk and she really scared me.

I'm now facebook free since 1/20/19 I was watching her page to see what lies were said about me but I stopped she is something else. I'm here im safe from crazy town. I'm showering, I'm working, I do 6000k steps a day and go to planet. I have a therapist out here I start on 3/28 and celebrate recovery on Tuesday. I'm still a Mass resident as I'm in transition and living in a notel is not a home. 5 minutes at a time. I cry sometimes but I get up and keep going something I could not do summer 18. Does any1 see progress I don't want him, i never want to talk to him, I understand he is incapable of loving anything but the bottle and regardless if my life was compromised he will believe her as they have a 5 year old. Did I mess up? As far as my "best friend" in Florida I went no contact until I'm ready as I think she enjoys the drama. Stay on my side of the street and keep on keepin on. I SHOWERED AND WALKED 3 miles today and went to planet. Church in the am. Would any1 else be triggered by the 11/15 call? If you entertain the clowns you are engaging a circus. Just set a routine and be happy I set a goal and I'm out. Sorry to anyone I was rude to i felt like dying or never leaving my bed or head summer 2018 when I get like that my head lacks a defense attorney and has a full time prosecutor. Also, hurt people hurt people and I was very hurt. I'm very sorry to anyone I was rude too and I know this is long but it had to come out.
Respectfully,
hiall813
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Old 03-17-2019, 09:43 AM   #2 (permalink)
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It sounds as though you are on the right path, hiall! One of the things I've learned from member here is this:

No new contact=No new hurt

This often means asking your friends and family to *not* discuss your ex with you in any way, shape or form.

Hang in there!!
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Old 03-19-2019, 06:52 AM   #3 (permalink)
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I agree with Seren!

Disconnect from ALL of it.

Keep working on you. Good things will be in your future, but only if you let it.

Hugs!
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