PerSe

Thanks for this reply Bernadette. I really appreciate what you are saying and I am so sorry to read of your and your brothers' struggles. Alcoholism is so destructive in both seen and unseen ways. And so often we who are affected, including the drinker, don't really realize we are being affected. Until it's too late.

Seeing my AH's conveyed attitude regarding alcohol to my kids was, I think, kind of the last straw for me. (We're now in the process of divorcing.) In a recent conversation, he told me he feels like the European cultures where the kids are allowed to have a little wine with dinner seems very reasonable to him because it takes the mystery out of alcohol. I would love to hear more perspectives on this. I read that young people's brains (especially boys, I think) are not really fully developed until their mid 20's and if they can wait until that time before trying any alcohol that is really best. But I swear, at the rate he was going, he would have had them drinking beer before they were 13 (maybe not but it sure seemed like that was the path we were on).

And I have been turning into that enraged, insane, and phony mom. I must get out of this relationship and situation. I have times of feeling sure of myself and this decision and times where I continue to think I really am just crazy for wanting to leave this house, neighborhood, and life we've worked for so long to build. But even when my compass swings wildly, somewhere inside I know leaving and getting my kids out of here is the right direction.

Peace and hugs to you, and thanks for this reply.

trailmix

I've heard this said as well and I personally think it's total BS.

There is mystery regarding weed, will there be a North American ritual that you smoke weed with your kids to take the "mystery" out of it (where it's legal).

If you have a penchant for alcohol at all, you are going to love that first drink and the second the the thousandth.

I think the whole European argument is a bunch of BS wrapped up in some romantic notion of wine. Well, it's just a drug and that is how I present it. This is a drug.

Don't get me wrong, I do drink, but I do so knowing full well what I'm consuming. I had my first drink at perhaps 12 or 13. There was no great unveiling of alcohol, I already knew what it did, after watching people drink.

FallenAngelina

As I understand it, the alcoholism rate in Europe is similar to the rate in the USA, so I'm not sure that childhood exposure inoculates anyone against developing alcoholism, but I'd also say that the practice doesn't encourage alcoholism in families that are not already steeped in the family disease of it. We were those kids who were given small glasses of wine and sips of whatever. There's no alcoholism in our family at all, but it's not because we had no "mystery" around it, it's because we not an alcoholic family. There's pretty strong evidence now that alcoholism comes out of a genetic predisposition and/or many years of living in an alcoholic or significantly codependent environment. Allowing kids to sip wine now and then isn't going to create alcoholics, nor is it going to prevent substance abuse. Addiction is highly correlated with childhood trauma, constant exposure to codependency, plus the genetics. Occasional sips of wine with dinner doesn't make a difference one way or the other.

That said, any alcoholic who claims that drinking with his kids is good for them is full of crap.

pdm22

I think when a person’s life centers around substance abuse, it’s easy to project that on to others around them, including children (regarding the wine comment) In the US we have laws against this kind of thing now, although it still happens, but I remember when I was a teenager, everyone loved partying at the houses where the parents provided the alcohol. The “if they are going to do it, it may as well be under my roof” type of mentality. But really, if you have a mind set that isn’t centered around drugs and alcohol, and a child is brought up in a healthier environment, chances are, they will make better choices. They might not even be interested in drugs or alcohol.; there are teenagers out there who really don’t want anything to do with partying. Why assume the worst of them?


It’s a complex issue and there are many other risk factors too, but the age of first use is a risk factor in the potential of drug/ alcohol abuse and dependence too. If it’s normalized and modeled at a young age, it just adds another challenge later down the road if the person ends up with a dependence / addiction themselves. If it seemed so “normal” growing up, it’s another layer to get through. :/