husband taken to hospital - now what?
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Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 7
husband taken to hospital - now what? I had a suggestion that I move this from the newcomers forum to this one, so this is a repeat.
Good afternoon -
First time poster. My husband has an undiagnosed (and denied) drinking problem. I found him unconscious in our bedroom and called 911. He was takento the hospital and diagnosed with poly-med-alcohol reaction (or something), basically mixing meds and alcohol.
I told him that coming home without a treatment plan was an option that is off the table. So, I asked him to stay in a hotel after he got released 4 days later (Tuesday) until this Sunday night. I told him that I would have zero tolerance for any alcohol in our home (even tho I don't have a problem myself).
He was pretty upset when I picked him up and a week's worth of belongings were packed in the car. I don't know where he went, but he did text his daughter that he found a place and got some groceries.
I am assuming that I did the right thing, but I don't know what to expect. Anyone here have experiences that would give me some guidance on holding the line?
Good afternoon -
First time poster. My husband has an undiagnosed (and denied) drinking problem. I found him unconscious in our bedroom and called 911. He was takento the hospital and diagnosed with poly-med-alcohol reaction (or something), basically mixing meds and alcohol.
I told him that coming home without a treatment plan was an option that is off the table. So, I asked him to stay in a hotel after he got released 4 days later (Tuesday) until this Sunday night. I told him that I would have zero tolerance for any alcohol in our home (even tho I don't have a problem myself).
He was pretty upset when I picked him up and a week's worth of belongings were packed in the car. I don't know where he went, but he did text his daughter that he found a place and got some groceries.
I am assuming that I did the right thing, but I don't know what to expect. Anyone here have experiences that would give me some guidance on holding the line?
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
notmyself…...Welcome!
I totally think you did the right thing.
In terms of what to expect...and, I am only going from what you posted....I suspect that he will be wanting to come home...and, will probably say whatever he thinks will soften you into letting him.
Since you say that he is in denial about the alcoholism....I suspect that he will soon be drinking again. If he was only in hospital for 4 days, he may still have withdrawl symptoms....
Rehab might be one option, as a next step---But, I wouldn't pressure him too much...because if he is in denial about the alcohol....then, he probably wouldn't really benefit...
The ball is really in his court.....
Here is the thing for you....if you don't stick to your guns...then your words will be hollow. He will know that you don't mean what you say.
The words..."treatment plan" can be something that he can really manipulate you with. So often, the spouse is so, so , so desperate to see any sign that they may get and stay sober...that they will accept a very thin gruel. Half- measures.
An occasional AA meeting won't cut it. A meeting every day, or nearly every day...or even more than one a day, is more like it.
Seeing a counselor...and, nothing else, won't cut it , either....
Marriage counseling is not a recommended option, either....unless the alcoholism is dealt with, first.
A good rule of thumb is one year of sobriety, while living outside of the home (at minimum)…..before living under the same roof, again. Remember that treatment and strict adherence to a program of sobriety and the principles is for a lifetime, for the alcoholic who wants to be in true recovery.
Expect him to make you all kinds of promises...or, heap a lot of blame onto you...He may guilt-trip you in all kinds of ways. He will probably expect you to weaken.
I am giving you the following article, taken from our extensive library of excellent articles (we have more than 100 articles in our Classic Reading section of the stickies...at the top of the threads)…..
I think the following article is a pretty good yardstick.....
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-reposted.html (10 Ways to Tell When an Addict or Alcoholic is Full of ****, reposted)
I totally think you did the right thing.
In terms of what to expect...and, I am only going from what you posted....I suspect that he will be wanting to come home...and, will probably say whatever he thinks will soften you into letting him.
Since you say that he is in denial about the alcoholism....I suspect that he will soon be drinking again. If he was only in hospital for 4 days, he may still have withdrawl symptoms....
Rehab might be one option, as a next step---But, I wouldn't pressure him too much...because if he is in denial about the alcohol....then, he probably wouldn't really benefit...
The ball is really in his court.....
Here is the thing for you....if you don't stick to your guns...then your words will be hollow. He will know that you don't mean what you say.
The words..."treatment plan" can be something that he can really manipulate you with. So often, the spouse is so, so , so desperate to see any sign that they may get and stay sober...that they will accept a very thin gruel. Half- measures.
An occasional AA meeting won't cut it. A meeting every day, or nearly every day...or even more than one a day, is more like it.
Seeing a counselor...and, nothing else, won't cut it , either....
Marriage counseling is not a recommended option, either....unless the alcoholism is dealt with, first.
A good rule of thumb is one year of sobriety, while living outside of the home (at minimum)…..before living under the same roof, again. Remember that treatment and strict adherence to a program of sobriety and the principles is for a lifetime, for the alcoholic who wants to be in true recovery.
Expect him to make you all kinds of promises...or, heap a lot of blame onto you...He may guilt-trip you in all kinds of ways. He will probably expect you to weaken.
I am giving you the following article, taken from our extensive library of excellent articles (we have more than 100 articles in our Classic Reading section of the stickies...at the top of the threads)…..
I think the following article is a pretty good yardstick.....
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-reposted.html (10 Ways to Tell When an Addict or Alcoholic is Full of ****, reposted)
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 7
He is on a drug called disulfiram, which I guess causes intense discomfort if you drink, but, so what? You could just stop taking it.
Anywho, I'll see what the plan is on Sunday and meanwhile, I'll take a gander at the article and others.
Terrific resource. Thank you.
I notice that I joined this forum a year ago and just now posted. So, clearly it's been a problem for a LONG LONG time!
Anywho, I'll see what the plan is on Sunday and meanwhile, I'll take a gander at the article and others.
Terrific resource. Thank you.
I notice that I joined this forum a year ago and just now posted. So, clearly it's been a problem for a LONG LONG time!
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
notmyself…...remember, always, when dealing with an alcoholic....don't go by the words....watch the actions. Words can be cheap, and easy to say. Even if the alcoholic means it, in the moment....they may not be able or motivated to put the words into action. Especially so, if they are in denial, as you say....
Alcoholics lie to themselves...that is one way that they protect their ability to continue drinking....so, they may not even recognize how much they lie to us.
They will sell anything that y ou are willing to buy...lol.
When they are in the home...it is much more likely that they will be enabled, (unknowingly) by the concerned family members.
In some ways, notmyself, you are fortunate that he was willing to leave the house...If you read the other stories, here, you will be amazed at how hard it is to get a practicing alcoholic out of the house....nearly impossible , for some people.
At least, now, you can get some time and space for yourself....so that you can evaluate your own life, and get more clarity about your own wants and needs.
***I think your name "notmyself", says a lot...lol!
It is going to be your responsibility to make good decisions about taking care of your self and your own welfare.....as you can't expect him to do so....He is unable to care for his own welfare, at this point.
He will likely be more preoccupied by when he can return to drinking, again than your welfare. That is what alcoholism is all about. He will have the "alcoholic voice" whispering in his ear....24/7.....telling him that it will be o.k. to drink, again.....
I am not trying to put your husband down...it is just that this is true for all alcoholics who are not working their recovery. Alcoholics have the overwhelming compulsion to drink. That is what alcoholics do--they drink. Their disease is not aimed at you...but it can hurt you.
Notyourself...I hope that yu will hang around and continue to post and keep learning....
Knowledge is power.
You will need to know about the nature of alcoholism and the ways that you can take proper care of yourself....
He will not know what he doesn't (yet) know.....
You can't afford that luxury, though......
Alcoholics lie to themselves...that is one way that they protect their ability to continue drinking....so, they may not even recognize how much they lie to us.
They will sell anything that y ou are willing to buy...lol.
When they are in the home...it is much more likely that they will be enabled, (unknowingly) by the concerned family members.
In some ways, notmyself, you are fortunate that he was willing to leave the house...If you read the other stories, here, you will be amazed at how hard it is to get a practicing alcoholic out of the house....nearly impossible , for some people.
At least, now, you can get some time and space for yourself....so that you can evaluate your own life, and get more clarity about your own wants and needs.
***I think your name "notmyself", says a lot...lol!
It is going to be your responsibility to make good decisions about taking care of your self and your own welfare.....as you can't expect him to do so....He is unable to care for his own welfare, at this point.
He will likely be more preoccupied by when he can return to drinking, again than your welfare. That is what alcoholism is all about. He will have the "alcoholic voice" whispering in his ear....24/7.....telling him that it will be o.k. to drink, again.....
I am not trying to put your husband down...it is just that this is true for all alcoholics who are not working their recovery. Alcoholics have the overwhelming compulsion to drink. That is what alcoholics do--they drink. Their disease is not aimed at you...but it can hurt you.
Notyourself...I hope that yu will hang around and continue to post and keep learning....
Knowledge is power.
You will need to know about the nature of alcoholism and the ways that you can take proper care of yourself....
He will not know what he doesn't (yet) know.....
You can't afford that luxury, though......
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 8,999
Hi Notmyself. So glad you found SR and took the step to post. What you are going through is horrific so I hope you find lots of support here.
You sound like you are on a steep learning curve so you probably already know about alanon which is a life saver for some. Also the book, Codependent No More, it a bit of a bible around here.
You sound like you are on a steep learning curve so you probably already know about alanon which is a life saver for some. Also the book, Codependent No More, it a bit of a bible around here.
Life is good
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 4,036
How are you doing today?
Al-Anon is a great resource for us. In person meetings with other people who understand can be very beneficial. https://www.al-anon.org/
Al-Anon is a great resource for us. In person meetings with other people who understand can be very beneficial. https://www.al-anon.org/
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Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 1,254
This is one of the lesser known or underplayed issues with alcoholism and drug addiction-the way those chemicals affect legal, prescribed 'regular' drugs.
The alcoholic is mixing 6-8 hours of drinking a day with other drugs that have a sedative affect like bp meds.. Also mixes with prescription anti inflammatories, anti-biotics and bladder drugs.
Point being even though it's a legal drug doesn't mean it will mix with alcohol or other drugs. People get hung up on legality or excessive amounts of one thing but mixing with so called normal drugs are just as dangerous.
The alcoholic is mixing 6-8 hours of drinking a day with other drugs that have a sedative affect like bp meds.. Also mixes with prescription anti inflammatories, anti-biotics and bladder drugs.
Point being even though it's a legal drug doesn't mean it will mix with alcohol or other drugs. People get hung up on legality or excessive amounts of one thing but mixing with so called normal drugs are just as dangerous.
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