Turns up at my door....and yet I feel bad.
 

So my ex who I blocked and had no contact with since Xmas turns up at my door tonight, with 2 large suitcases asking if he could stay for a night. Had drink taken.

I refused, told him no outright. He asked why I just said no. He then went on to ask me for a razor so he could kill himself (this was on my doorstep). I refused and told him to go away. I closed the door. I assume he went elsewhere.

I know I did the right thing, and still there's a part of me that wonders should I have left him in for the night, what if he roams the streets. But that's not my concern anymore. He had no concern for me when he treated me miserably many times. Yet that doesn't make me feel better. I expect this is normal to feel like this.

You did the right thing, even though you feel bad. It was quite presumptuous of him to just show up with his bags and expect you to let him stay. That shows how self-centered he is. And asking for a razor to kill himself?? Seriously!? That would be laughable if it weren't so sad. That was nothing but an attempt at manipulation and you did good to not fall for it.

Thanks I need to hear supportive words right now. It was complete manipulation wasn't it. He has no more intention of doing it than the man in the moon. So self centered. No concern for my life.

He cares only for his own wants. I have absolutely no tolerance for manipulation. I might have even handed him a razor then shut the door in his face. :tongue:

You did a really hard thing, but it was the right thing. I think if you had let him in, it would have messed with the progress you have made, and the peace you have created.

Wow.
That's nervy.
Good for you for saying NO.
It's hard sometimes.

Allow him the dignity of letting him figure this mess out without being rescued. He will never change his behavior if he never has to.

Here is the thing (I think). If a homeless person showed up at your door and asked you for 5 dollars so they could get a bus downtown to the shelter, you might help them out (if you opened the door, which I wouldn't but that's another story).

You denied him staying with you (as I see it) for two reasons. One - you do not feel safe around him (physically - who knows how much of a loose cannon he is at this point) and two, emotionally, he is an outright manipulator who cares nothing about anyone but himself AND you have a history with him.

Honestly, you would probably be safer opening your door to the homeless person that is asking for the 5 dollars and letting him stay over.

The ex has already shown you what he is capable of. You know he is a manipulator, you know he is now a thief and of course an addict.

So guilt is entirely misplaced and unwarranted. Who invites a known addict that is a thief and a manipulator in to spend the night??

So so sad and you so so did the right thing. Ugh. This sucks.

people who show up at hotels without a reservation get turned away too.....just sayin. in fact, his actions demonstrate that he ranks you on par WITH hotels......

I figured he'd turn up sooner than later.

He does need the opportunity to face his addiction on his own or he will never choose sobriety.

You did the right thing for both of you.

I figured that was my main intention in saying no. He's never going to figure anything out if he keeps getting rescued. That and I really do not want my peace of mind damaged again.

Yes rescuing is what's kept him where he is.

Totally. A place to stay, ranking just above a homeless shelter.

So sad is right. On a human level, the disease of alcoholism is horrible, to see how he has ended up. That said I had to stop being codependent and put me first. I have NO doubt but that he will survive, bounce back etc.

Your right I would be safer opening it to a homeless person. I have to find humour somewhere in all this, when he opened the door and asked me if he could stay, he took out a packet of mini chocolate eggs and gave them to me 😂😂😂. That was my rate, a packet of mini chocolate eggs. If it wasn't so tragic it would be hilarious.

omg that is tragic and yes, if it wasn't it would be hilarious.

I hope he finds a therapist or some kind of treatment, or at the very least AA. He really needs professional help.

I hope so too. I think he will sort himself eventually but I'd say it could be a few years yet. It's the destruction he will cause in the meantime I don't need to be part of.

Well done in how you dealt with this. You did exactly the right thing. Big growth for you.

Thank you. Need to stay strong now.