Contacted by AH Family
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Join Date: Sep 2018
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Contacted by AH Family
I had a facebook message a short while ago from my sister in law. Never met her, she lives in NZ with AH Brother. Seems lovely and I have no bones with her. I would assume she messaged on behalf of Father in law and brother in law, neutral ground I would think.
Anyways, she said that AH has been depleting father in laws savings and asked me if AH benefit money is paid into my account. She also said that he has said I have blocked him from his accounts!
Well, up until we separated, AH and I had a joint universal credit claim. The money was paid into my bank account as he joined my claim. When we split, we were a couple of days off receiving a payment. I paid half of it into his bank account. When I got paid from my job I also paid some money into his account. I then sorted a separate claim with universal credit so we are now both on single claims. He recently got an advance, he told me so himself.
So basically in less than a month, he has had around £500 to himself. He lives with Father in Law so has no bills. If he has no money it is because he drank and smoked it all!
As for his father, who is also an alcoholic, yes he did have savings, however he admitted to me around Christmas that he had given most of it away to his ex in a bid to get her back!
I put my sister in law straight, however I am fuming that yet again my name gets dragged through the mud! I am being accused of keeping AH benefit money so that he has no choice but to live off father in law apparently! Erm no, I don't think so! My brother in law needs to remember he is dealing with two alcoholics not just one and they manipulate and lie!
At least this has put paid to any wobbles on my part. Over the years I've been accused of all sorts, from AH 'being my slave' (how about he wouldn't get off his ass and get a job so I did and he watched the kids!) to now being a money grabber! Pfft. I am so done with all his drama!
Anyways, she said that AH has been depleting father in laws savings and asked me if AH benefit money is paid into my account. She also said that he has said I have blocked him from his accounts!
Well, up until we separated, AH and I had a joint universal credit claim. The money was paid into my bank account as he joined my claim. When we split, we were a couple of days off receiving a payment. I paid half of it into his bank account. When I got paid from my job I also paid some money into his account. I then sorted a separate claim with universal credit so we are now both on single claims. He recently got an advance, he told me so himself.
So basically in less than a month, he has had around £500 to himself. He lives with Father in Law so has no bills. If he has no money it is because he drank and smoked it all!
As for his father, who is also an alcoholic, yes he did have savings, however he admitted to me around Christmas that he had given most of it away to his ex in a bid to get her back!
I put my sister in law straight, however I am fuming that yet again my name gets dragged through the mud! I am being accused of keeping AH benefit money so that he has no choice but to live off father in law apparently! Erm no, I don't think so! My brother in law needs to remember he is dealing with two alcoholics not just one and they manipulate and lie!
At least this has put paid to any wobbles on my part. Over the years I've been accused of all sorts, from AH 'being my slave' (how about he wouldn't get off his ass and get a job so I did and he watched the kids!) to now being a money grabber! Pfft. I am so done with all his drama!
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Join Date: Nov 2016
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It's not funny, but it's funny (from an outside perspective). When I read what the SIL wrote, I laughed. I guess that's why they call it a circus (as in not my circus, not my monkeys).
She may be a very nice person, having an alcoholic Husband sitting there saying if it wasn't for Purplethistle my Brother wouldn't have to be using Dad's savings!!
While it's best not to engage, I'm glad you two ladies sorted this out - exiting the circus ring.
Good for you PT - your strength and resolve to protect yourself is admirable.
She may be a very nice person, having an alcoholic Husband sitting there saying if it wasn't for Purplethistle my Brother wouldn't have to be using Dad's savings!!
While it's best not to engage, I'm glad you two ladies sorted this out - exiting the circus ring.
Good for you PT - your strength and resolve to protect yourself is admirable.
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Join Date: Sep 2018
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Thanks trailmix, I am just so mad about it all! My brother in law is not an alcoholic, he is the only one in the immediate family that isn't. He is actually a policeman and does very well for himself... Over in NZ! So he has no real idea what is going on over here. Other than what his alcoholic father and alcoholic brother tell him by phone.
I have had endless text messages tonight. Then a text from his father who got put very firmly in his place. Then attempts to call me. It is laughable.
You know, today I had an envelope drop through my door. It was from AH, finally returning MY bank card that he took the day he left! And went straight to the cash machine and withdrew nearly all the money left in my account, leaving the kids and I with a whole ten pounds!
At the very least this has reminded me that life without AH is so much better. I am thankful for that.
I have had endless text messages tonight. Then a text from his father who got put very firmly in his place. Then attempts to call me. It is laughable.
You know, today I had an envelope drop through my door. It was from AH, finally returning MY bank card that he took the day he left! And went straight to the cash machine and withdrew nearly all the money left in my account, leaving the kids and I with a whole ten pounds!
At the very least this has reminded me that life without AH is so much better. I am thankful for that.
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,618
Oh I misread that!
I lived in NZ for about 8 years, it's a great place, I really like it.
I'm glad to hear one member of the family is doing so well at least!
He takes your card, takes the money and then weeks later drops it by in an envelope - that's so odd.
I'm going to guess this is what he is referring to as "his" accounts.
I lived in NZ for about 8 years, it's a great place, I really like it.
I'm glad to hear one member of the family is doing so well at least!
He takes your card, takes the money and then weeks later drops it by in an envelope - that's so odd.
I'm going to guess this is what he is referring to as "his" accounts.
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AH lived in NZ too trailmix, for a couple of years I think. Brother in law sent AH to his father here in Scotland after AH crashed his car and lost his job through drinking. AH and his family are actually South African and moved over here when there was trouble with mugabe. They were all miserable living here but never moved back.
Anyways, all has gone quiet from AH, I should really get some sleep, no doubt the onslot of texts and calls will begin again tomorrow.
Anyways, all has gone quiet from AH, I should really get some sleep, no doubt the onslot of texts and calls will begin again tomorrow.
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Join Date: May 2010
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I seriously doubt she was surprised by your answer. People tend to show who they really are.
You set it straight. Now...just keep moving forward. My XAH did this to me as well. While it made me extremely mad when it was happening, I now look back and see it is just one more of his disgusting behaviors.
Big hugs.
You set it straight. Now...just keep moving forward. My XAH did this to me as well. While it made me extremely mad when it was happening, I now look back and see it is just one more of his disgusting behaviors.
Big hugs.
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