Mango212

Leaving toxic/ abusive relationships often requires extra support, time, planning, baby steps, etc.

Courage can be waking up and taking the day one moment at a time.

atalose

I think a big part of handing provoking behavior is by learning how to disarm your own triggering buttons. Al-anon would be great for that.

Obviously he knows exactly which buttons of yours to push. If you are choosing to remain in this environment then it’s critical that you learn how to NOT react in the same manner you have been.

thequest

I've found when dealing with a raging alcoholic on a tirade ignore if possible. They may simply may be looking for a confrontation.

I've also found these tirades, tantrums etc to be another outlet of THEIR standing resentments/grievances against you and others. I've seen the alcoholic slip years old resentments into these tirades more than once, several times over the last several months alone. It's amazing the human jaw and vocal cords can work that fast, it's like those words were waiting to come out of their mouth. And yes they like to take personal swipes and jabs but again I ignore as to not let things escalate. I try slipping a comment/word or two IF there is a pause in between sentences in their lecture. The last few times they were calmER with in the hour.

One of their more recent jabs is they preface themselves as being under stress and myself & others as being a source of that stress(which is actually the frustration they experience for not getting their way). They also try to play up the pity angle.

But your priority is safety for yourself and children. It's hard to actually make a change that will permanently changes things. If nothing else just don't think about other options actually talk to lawyers, counselors, police etc-just don't keep as a thought in the back of your mind as something you will do one day. Actually workout and go through the details of taking action. Hopefully the upcoming tasks won't seem so hard to complete if you know the details of what will come during and after. Sometimes you have to think these things out like a chess game but at least you have plan ready to go.

STAY SAFE and Good Luck

dandylion

Lunchbox.....It was mentioned before.....that one way of avoiding an escalating argument...or, at least, your part in it.....is to not JADE....
You are not required to J--justify. A-argue back. D--defend. E-explain.
LOL....and, our saying: "You do not have to attend every argument that you are invited to....."

This does require that you have good clarity of mind, when he is provoking you and trying to start an argument.....
This is tough....
Reading through all of your other threads,,,,I can imagine that you are like a pressure cooker, inside, most of the time. same for the kids...as they are acting out their emotions, also....

I gather that you feel trapped, with no way out. Is that still true....?

If you will talk to us, about specifics, we will be better able to help you....so many people on this forum have been in your exact situation.....
You will only stay trapped, if you believe that you are trapped....
You can change your situation, but you need to be willing to accept help (lots of it)….and have an open mind.....

I am hearing that you are having fears...lots of them. That is understandable...and very common.
Remember that fear is not necessarily fact....And, too much "future tripping" can, actually, be counter-productive.....
I think that I am, also, hearing that you are fearful of getting help...am I correct on that...?