Perhaps recovery is possible...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 106
Perhaps recovery is possible...
Hi all! I don’t know if anyone remembers me, but it’s been almost 2 (7/12/17) years since I last posted. Suffice to say, things are very different in my life today. RAH was served about a week after my last post. Not surprisingly, he was not happy as he thought I had dropped everything as soon as he promised to quit. Nope. I told him flat out that nothing would be done until he had one year of sobriety. Over the next few weeks, there were some back and forth comments made regarding why I didn’t believe him, that this time was different, he didn’t think it was fair for me to hold that over him for that long, etc. Instead of arguing or trying to convince him of my point of view, I simply kept stating that this is what I was doing for my own sanity and if he was serious this time, it wouldn’t matter in the long run.
Well, here we are almost two years later and RAH is still working a program of recovery. He attends meetings regularly (in fact, I go with him as support to one of the open meetings) and has rediscovered his love of his favorite hobby. We rarely argue and when we do, it’s about the normal, everyday issues that come with marriage and kids. His professional life has taken off and we are doing tons of things around the house as far as renovating and making it ours. After 14 months, I contacted the lawyer and had the case dismissed. I am at peace with this decision as he is now aware that I will no longer deal with his drinking and knows what it will cost him.
Will he never relapse? I don’t know. Am I hopeful for the future? Most definitely, but I know relapse is possible. As I’ve told him, I won’t end things because of a relapse, but I will end them depending on how he handles a relapse. I don’t want him to fear my support being yanked out from under him if he slips, but he does know that if he relapses and refuses to “get back on the horse”, I will not longer be there to enable him.
I want to thank everyone in this community for being there with support and their ES&H when I needed tough love myself. I also want to give hope that things can change and sometimes do. If it’s ok, I will try to offer my own ES&H without creating unrealistic expectations. Love to you all!
Well, here we are almost two years later and RAH is still working a program of recovery. He attends meetings regularly (in fact, I go with him as support to one of the open meetings) and has rediscovered his love of his favorite hobby. We rarely argue and when we do, it’s about the normal, everyday issues that come with marriage and kids. His professional life has taken off and we are doing tons of things around the house as far as renovating and making it ours. After 14 months, I contacted the lawyer and had the case dismissed. I am at peace with this decision as he is now aware that I will no longer deal with his drinking and knows what it will cost him.
Will he never relapse? I don’t know. Am I hopeful for the future? Most definitely, but I know relapse is possible. As I’ve told him, I won’t end things because of a relapse, but I will end them depending on how he handles a relapse. I don’t want him to fear my support being yanked out from under him if he slips, but he does know that if he relapses and refuses to “get back on the horse”, I will not longer be there to enable him.
I want to thank everyone in this community for being there with support and their ES&H when I needed tough love myself. I also want to give hope that things can change and sometimes do. If it’s ok, I will try to offer my own ES&H without creating unrealistic expectations. Love to you all!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
I remember you, Dontreallycare, and I'm so glad to hear that things have turned out this way for you! It sounds like you have your feet firmly on the ground regarding what you want and what you're willing to deal with. I wish you and your hub much happiness and continuing growth and healing.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
thank you for the wonderful update and for sharing your approach to life with (or without!) a recovering addict. you have your own path and not willing to give it up in favor of someone else's path.
wishing you the very best in all things!
wishing you the very best in all things!
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 674
Yes it is certainly possible. My alcoholic boyfriend and partner for life is celebrating 9 years in recovery today. I am so grateful for SR, and for the wonderful life we are sharing.
When we loved ones do what is best for us...the ground can shift, the wind can change, and you never know what good things will follow.
Thank you for posting, and wishing you all the best. We all need to have hope for a better tomorrow.
When we loved ones do what is best for us...the ground can shift, the wind can change, and you never know what good things will follow.
Thank you for posting, and wishing you all the best. We all need to have hope for a better tomorrow.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Sometimes they work out you really mean it about leaving, and that can be their 'bottom'. So glad for you and i hope it goes on forever.
PS Recovery certainly is possible. Look at me.
PS Recovery certainly is possible. Look at me.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 681
This is very good to gear! My husband has been in recovery for a year now. He's doing well for the most part with the exception of occasional dark, grouchy, mean moods where I want him to move out. Otherwise he's trying to work on the marriage and bends over backwards to make me happy.
Its slow going on my recovery as I hold a LOT of anger towards him and my A mom. I'm having to teach him the ins and outs of having healthy relationships, and it makes me so mad. I've waited 18 years to have an equal partner, and instead I get a 16 year old boy in a man's body.
He's making progress, he really, really tries, I truly love him, and that's why I haven't given up. It's just so overwhelming with me working on my recovery and him working on his AND emotionally growing up. So I'm glad to see there is a marriage that has come through it! And to hear that one day we can argue about day to day stuff instead of things related to alcoholism, that's a relief!
Thank you for sharing. I'm glad you two made it!
Its slow going on my recovery as I hold a LOT of anger towards him and my A mom. I'm having to teach him the ins and outs of having healthy relationships, and it makes me so mad. I've waited 18 years to have an equal partner, and instead I get a 16 year old boy in a man's body.
He's making progress, he really, really tries, I truly love him, and that's why I haven't given up. It's just so overwhelming with me working on my recovery and him working on his AND emotionally growing up. So I'm glad to see there is a marriage that has come through it! And to hear that one day we can argue about day to day stuff instead of things related to alcoholism, that's a relief!
Thank you for sharing. I'm glad you two made it!
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