Slowly ridding my life of people who thrive on drama a/o situations of drama
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Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 497
Originally Posted by FireSprite 
You have some of the BEST phrases. 
Yep - & the relationships that I have with everyone who HAS stuck through it all & walked through the fire with me, are far stronger than ever. One of the things that was a stark differential for me on that attachment stuff (that we've been discussing in other threads) is that I show as unbelievably secure in those relationships. And I know it's not because those people are especially secure themselves or that we haven't had challenges in our friendships. It's that we've been able to work together to get through them to the other side & still honor each other's lives & decisions too.
Clover - it sounds like you're just outgrowing people? I know that sounds awful but it's the only choice we have when we desire change but people in our lives don't. People can always grow separately, together. It's delicate & requires attention, it doesn't just organically materialize - it needs "active" management appropriate to each individual relationship.
Hard stuff, but sounds like you're freeing up a lot of space for new & amazing things & friends!!
Yep - & the relationships that I have with everyone who HAS stuck through it all & walked through the fire with me, are far stronger than ever. One of the things that was a stark differential for me on that attachment stuff (that we've been discussing in other threads) is that I show as unbelievably secure in those relationships. And I know it's not because those people are especially secure themselves or that we haven't had challenges in our friendships. It's that we've been able to work together to get through them to the other side & still honor each other's lives & decisions too.
Clover - it sounds like you're just outgrowing people? I know that sounds awful but it's the only choice we have when we desire change but people in our lives don't. People can always grow separately, together. It's delicate & requires attention, it doesn't just organically materialize - it needs "active" management appropriate to each individual relationship.
Hard stuff, but sounds like you're freeing up a lot of space for new & amazing things & friends!!
i don't know how to explain it. It is freeing but also a loss. My "circle" is already small, and I don't have a a lot of friends and only few close friends - one who died just a few months ago. I also recognize the authoritarian crap that this friend yields over me
but yes, I'm outgrowing people. I don't even know whether I'm afraid but whether I feel guilty
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Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 319
Originally Posted by Clover71
i don't know how to explain it. It is freeing but also a loss. My "circle" is already small, and I don't have a a lot of friends and only few close friends - one who died just a few months ago. I also recognize the authoritarian crap that this friend yields over me
but yes, I'm outgrowing people. I don't even know whether I'm afraid but whether I feel guilty
Funny, I had a friend similar to how you are describing yours is, a few us were friends with her from work. She had this controlling way about her; I really don’t think she knew how to connect with people otherwise? Then if they didn’t react how she wanted, she’d find some fault (in her own mind, she wouldn’t communicate to the person what they did “wrong”), and just drop them. So she ended up being then one phasing herself out of people’s lives. I think all you can do is just be yourself, resist (or communicate to her) your friend’s domineering efforts- and she’ll either adjust (depending on self aware she is), or she’ll amp it up (in which case it might push you away, which sounds like it’s already happening ?), or maybe she’ll be the one to fizzle the friendship out?
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
I don't think anyone has posted this yet, and it's something that has been useful to me. I always figured that anyone who was a friend had to be a friend for life, and if not, then there was something wrong with either them or me. This reading helped me understand that sometimes relationships just run their course and that there's nothing wrong w/that.
Reason, Season, or Lifetime
People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you figure out which one it is,
you will know what to do for each person.
When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
to provide you with guidance and support;
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.
Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
— Unknown
Reason, Season, or Lifetime
People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you figure out which one it is,
you will know what to do for each person.
When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
to provide you with guidance and support;
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.
Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
— Unknown
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
I haven't had to lose a close friend like that Clover, my heart goes out to you. I'm so sorry for your loss. 
I agree with the Season/Reason thing honeypig. I just wish most endings or separations didn't come about as the result of something negative. Then again, it's sort of how many of us are wired right? - that we need qualifying reasons for stuff like this instead of both parties being able to recognize that they've grown apart & be able to separate on good terms. That's hard to do - people take things personally, we use assumptions as facts & run with them self-righteously directly into chaos & drama.
All that just wears me out right now.
I agree with the Season/Reason thing honeypig. I just wish most endings or separations didn't come about as the result of something negative. Then again, it's sort of how many of us are wired right? - that we need qualifying reasons for stuff like this instead of both parties being able to recognize that they've grown apart & be able to separate on good terms. That's hard to do - people take things personally, we use assumptions as facts & run with them self-righteously directly into chaos & drama.
All that just wears me out right now.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 497
Originally Posted by FireSprite
I haven't had to lose a close friend like that Clover, my heart goes out to you. I'm so sorry for your loss.
I agree with the Season/Reason thing honeypig. I just wish most endings or separations didn't come about as the result of something negative. Then again, it's sort of how many of us are wired right? - that we need qualifying reasons for stuff like this instead of both parties being able to recognize that they've grown apart & be able to separate on good terms. That's hard to do - people take things personally, we use assumptions as facts & run with them self-righteously directly into chaos & drama.
All that just wears me out right now.
I agree with the Season/Reason thing honeypig. I just wish most endings or separations didn't come about as the result of something negative. Then again, it's sort of how many of us are wired right? - that we need qualifying reasons for stuff like this instead of both parties being able to recognize that they've grown apart & be able to separate on good terms. That's hard to do - people take things personally, we use assumptions as facts & run with them self-righteously directly into chaos & drama.
All that just wears me out right now.
yeah. I'm kinda worn out in the friendship department right now.
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