I do have access to finance but all of it is disability related benefits for my daughter and carer allowance for me, and we get some tax credits and housing benefit. I pay ALL the household bills out of this money. Rent, heating, phone electricity .. all of it is carefully budgeted by me. I even manage to save a little every month for a Christmas fund otherwise we’d have nothing. What the business earns - he treats as his but he will occasionally make a point to me like the other day he said HE has paid for fuel to go in MY car so that I could go and see my friend. Like it was a favour. Actually - no because he uses my car when he’s run out of fuel in his and we only used his card that day he paid for it, because I’d forgotten my bag!
He bought logs for the fire too. Big deal. I don’t think he earns much because he spends it all on drink - but I also suspect he’s forgotten a lot to invoice people or chase up unpaid work. He looses email addresses or phone numbers, fails to keep accurate records and forgets who has paid him what. He has a young lad that helps out sometimes and pays him cash, but I know this guy has to constantly chase my AH for his money. It’s embarrasing so I avoid answering the door to him because I don’t want to be involved.

But basically I would get that financial help without him anyway as long as the youngest two wanted to stay with me. I wouldn’t let them go with him, I’d have to prove the alcoholism if it came to that. I don’t fancy going through family court again, I went through all that with my ex 14 years ago. I don’t honestly think he would either he knows he wouldn’t stand a chance. So I could theoretically survive on my own financially but I’d prefer to be in a more stable position and not rely on benefits. I’m building a little business of my own from home that I’m hoping will start to earn me something.

Hes not drunk again today. Made a comment about how nice his fizzy water was. Just to make sure I acknowledged his sobriety. I just nodded and said “yes it is nice isn’t it?” Pathetic.

I am going to start saving up something. I was going to do this last year then got too many bills to pay off. I still do have a few debts (things I’ve had to buy from catalogues) but I’m working through them. Nothing major. I’ll set aside a small direct debit into a tracker account. I know it’s all going to come to a head again soon - I just know it will.