bananapancakes

I just a few minutes ago said good-bye to my AH of 12 years. I am in the process of getting a divorce and moving back to the US so this was a final goodbye for us in person, at least for the next year or so.

I still love him a lot so my heart is breaking a bit right now and I am really mourning the death of our relationship. I know it will get easier not seeing him with time but he was the first guy I truly loved and seeing the disease win and end our relationship is so hard to accept.

I know its for the better as I have so many trust issues with him. Still I will really miss the sober version of him a lot. Anyway I just needed to write something down as a form of therapy. I am kinda a mess right now and figured writing down my thoughts to others who can relate would help. Thank you for reading.

CentralOhioDad

Sending ((((HUGS)))

Mango212

I'm glad you're here.


Post often. Enjoy life. Pray about your income and be willing to receive it in ways that speak to your heart.

You are worthy of a big, wonderful, abundant life. (((((hugs)))))

seekingcalm

Thank you for posting. So sorry for the pain you are going through. Grieving for someone who hasn't died...heartbreaking part of this awful disease.
You never know what tomorrow will bring...happiness for you, maybe good health and sobriety for him. But one day at time, give yourself the love you need, and the time to grieve for the person you lost. We lose them while we are still with them, don't we?

Valentia

Michsm

Bananapancakes, Sorry you are going through this but you are not alone. I have been divorced 5 months and sometimes still struggle with it all. I allow myself to cry....then I keep on keeping on. Don’t get me wrong, it is much better now than when I first left. There were weekends I didnt get out of bed but it does get better with time as long as you allow yourself that. This site has helped me in ways I never thought.

trailmix

Ugh, i'm sorry bananapancakes - it's a really hard time.

This may sound wonky when you are feeling hurt but I hope you will trust me on this one.

If you haven't already, please make a list of all the specific reasons you ended this relationship. You have probably heard this mentioned before around her but I don't know if anyone mentioned it to you. A hard copy or one on your phone is good, you will want to have it on you, refer to it 20 times a day if you need to, when you start wondering if it could have all been just fine - because really was it that bad??

Specifics like:

- Has been to rehab 3 times, promises to quit drinking but never has.
- Insulted my Sister and my Mom.
- Always questioned like a grilling where I had been, whether that was to a movie or to lunch with my friends.
- Always rude to waiters and anyone in service positions
- Put me down and guilt-tripped me whenever I tried to defend myself - "people believe you turned your back on me for casting me out" "simply put your are a coward. you wish to cleanse yourself rather than help someone who needs you now more than ever"
- Hides alcohol
- Lies
- Manipulates

Being specific is important, even though it doesn't have to be long and drawn out - but if you just write "manipulates" you can start undermining yourself by saying oh but everyone tries to bend things a bit sometimes - whereas what really might have been going on is manipulation to the detriment of your life - and sanity.

Anyway, again, I'm sorry it came to this. Stay strong, keep your mind busy, post often and you will get through this.

2018LizAnon

Really sorry bananapancakes. Ending things sucks. Maybe try to think about the positive things you can now build in your life and all the stress and anxiety you are hopefully leaving behind. I'm really clinging to that right now. As trailmix suggests, a hard copy of all the reasons you left will likely be useful at some point. This forum is really helpful for those times you are feeling lonely or second guessing yourself. Wishing you all the best.

Clover71

Wamama48

I hope you're feeling a little better today. 😍

bananapancakes

Thanks everyone for your thoughtful responses and virtual hugs. We do lose them while they are still here, dont we? Trailmix I do remind myself of the madness by reading old journey entrees I wrote and seeing the photos I had taken of hidden bottles. However I am pretty resolve in my decision so I do not need to remind myself much. Mostly Im just sad about the loss of what we had and that alcoholism is such a destructive force.

I feel much better today. Thanks for checking in. Take care everyone.

Wamama48

Happy to hear you're doing ok.

Mango212

Hi bananapancakes,

How are you doing today?



TobyMac - Get Back Up

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