Kna810

When an alcoholic talks of treatment. He says, "when my settlement comes in, i will go", but is actively drinking...a lot. He speaks of not wanting to die, recognizing signs that his body is reacting negatively to the alcohol. I originally thought he was in the contimplation stage...even tried for 3 days to stop drinking. He recognizes his friends are a negative but couldnt do it. More alcoholic reteric?

hopeful4

Take a look at the Quackers thread that I just bumped to the top. You will find TONS!!!!

SparkleKitty

Try not listening to what an alcoholic SAYS and instead pay attention to what they DO. That will be a better indicator of where they are on their journey.

Kna810

I will definitely read those. I just feel so bad. I dont communicate with him but am now,looking at the relationship and seeing the signs. I was sick last night and didnt go to work. He showed up there 10 minutes before i was supposed to work and left 20 minutes later...im assuming because he saw my replacement instead of myself. He didnt try to call or text though. Confusing....

NYCDoglvr

Denial and rationalization are the corner stones of all addiction. They are simply deluding themselves.

atalose

I think anyone who is serious about getting sober/clean take immediate action to do so. They don’t announce it, they don’t plan it out for next month or over the summer, they do it now. They actually call a rehab/detox, they find a therapist and make an appointment or they get themselves to an AA meeting.
Alcoholics talk a lot of crap and it sounds real good to you, almost hopeful right? Talk is cheap actions are everything.

I understand you are hurt and I understand you are looking for and searching for some sign that he cared about you as much as you care about him. I think that is where your confusion is coming from, trying to read things into his actions hoping for a sign that he cares. You assumed that since he came into your place of employment, had a few drinks and only stayed 20 minutes that it’s because you were not there. Then you seem disappointed that he didn’t call or text you after not seeing you there. This is how we get ourselves and our thinking into emotional twists that keep just going round and round. I used to do the same thing, if he did this it meant X, if he didn’t do that it meant Y. I drove myself crazy!!

Ending are hard, especially when we don’t want them to happen. But the more we try and hold on, like with our magical wishful hopeful thinking, the longer the hurt lasts and no healing can begin. Believe me once you have completed this post mortem autopsy of this relationship and time has passed, you will have a much different outlook along with a life lesson to help you when you moving forward.

I hope you are feeling better today.

Kna810

Thank you!

Kna810

All of your unsitesvare sooooo helpful! You have no idea!

thequest

Since many alcoholics and addicts try to hide the extent of their abuse it could be nothing but virtue signaling or a sympathy ploy. As noted if he really really wanted to change and go to rehab he wouldn't be considering it out loud.

Until he wants to change for himself and not just appease someone wether it be a court or family member things probably won't change.

trailmix

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...full-crap.html (10 Ways to Tell When an Addict or Alcoholic is Full of Crap)