Seren

Oh, my! Sending out prayers for you both! I don't know what I would have done. Maybe made sure he was breathing and then left? There are no simple answers, and all of it is painful...and I'm sorry you had to go through that!

sotired77

Update: My husband finally realized he was killing himself on Sunday. He called me asking for help and I drove him to the ER. At the rate he was going, I really think he would have died. On the way to the ER he was bawling, apologizing profusely for everything he'd done and saying he didn't want me to leave him. I told him to focus on his recovery. If he was going to get better that it shouldn't be to save his marriage - it should be to save HIM. He should do it for himself. He was offered inpatient detox and then rehab. He has accepted both and is currently in inpatient detox. In the interim, I've kept my distance. I haven't visited. I take his calls, but I'm pretty short. I think it's making him really depressed. In the past I was super supportive of his recovery (going to visit him, cheering him on, etc). I want to support him, but I worry that it will make things worse. I worry that he won't feel the "pain" of his alcoholism, if he sees that I'm still there for him. BUT, then I start to worry that my coldness will depress him more and this will hinder his recovery. HELP!!! I don't know what to do!!!

SparkleKitty

sotired, you don't have any more control over his recovery or relapse than you did before. Please don't twist yourself in knots trying to do the perfect thing--it does not exist. Take care of yourself and your kids and let him work through this himself.

Clover71

sotired77

Sparklekitty, you are so wise. Thank you. That gives me peace.

AnvilheadII

what he is about to go through, should he decide to stick it out, has nothing to do with anything you do or do not do. he will begin to immediately withdraw from alcohol.....which AT BEST is unpleasant and usually pretty awful. he will be given the proper medical care and attention, he will be fed, he will be told when to get up and when to go to sleep and what to do with him time in between. he will have shelter, heat, running water and a flush toilet.

he is in the BEST PLACE POSSIBLE to deal with his medical affliction, surrounded by professionals who have guided hundreds through the process. he will be exposed to information, guidance, resources, tools, and tips on HOW to be a sober person. he will be in a safe protected environment.

he will come out with ALL the tools he needs to stay sober for life. it will be up to him and him ALONE to make the choice to use this exquisite gift or not.

trailmix

Glad to hear he is getting some help and that you are keeping distance.

If you ever doubt that what you are doing is right, just remember any other time when you have been there, holding his hand and supporting him. You know how that goes.

He does need to do this and he will, if he seriously wants to get well.

I hope he does.

hopeful4

I personally would not take any calls at all. He has to deal with what he is going through, and you cannot be responsible for cheering him up or reassuring him. It's so great that he is getting help, but this is not his first rodeo is it? If he is depressed, he is in the right place to deal with that, you don't have to own his depression or try to fix it.

Keep the focus on YOU, and let him work his side of the street. Maybe have a conversation with him that is what you plan to do. His choices are his own. He chose to drink. He chose help. Now...he has to do this, and only he can do that.

You deserve to take good care of you and your children, and you cannot do that when you are consumed with him and his wellbeing.

That is just my two cents friend. Huge hugs!