Typical breakup response from alcoholics?
 

Thank you all for the responses. I dont make first contact with him so, that part will be easy. At the moment, i can only imagine he isnt thinking of me and only of the day filled with drinking. Today I feel better. Some of the responses I have gotten dont seem to fit his MO but i am not trying to obsess about it. I have no control over anything other than myself. Im still baffled as to why he hasn't brought the stuff back. And here is a little history as to why it's so confusing... During our relationship, we participated in 2 paint night for couples. During this, each person painted half of the one picture and when you hung them on the wall together they made a complete picture, with half of it painted by one person and half painted by the other. Anyhow, when we took the "break" back in late november, the discussion was started that we would break up (I was over him not making me a priority.) I am a very symbolic person and when a relationship is done, i toss ALL reminders of a person, my way so signify closure. In my mind, the pictures we created together needed to be destroyed. When i suggested burning them as a symbolic end, he had a wounded look on his face and said he wouldnt do that. That he wanted to just seperate them by 2 inches. ( I was completely confused, if we arent together then they dont matter). Jump, forward to, last Monday... The day we broke up. When he asked what i wanted from his house, i mentioned the picture, again suggesting we destroy them. He again, didnt want to do that and figured it would be best for me to take the half I painted and he keep the half he painted, each having an incomplete picture. These are sentimental and dont need to exist if we arent together but? Needless to say, he hasnt brought them back...or even given me my half (which I would throw in the burn pile if he did.) This is the part that is confusing. Most guys would gladly give back something like this...a breakup is a breakup...right? Is the an alcoholic response or just an unrelated guy thing?

Most guys would gladly give back something like this...
According to who? You? All guys are different. The things that you do to achieve closure at the end of a relationship aren't necessarily the things that other people want or feel the need to do. I won't speculate as to his motivations, but if it were me I would let him process the breakup as he sees fit. Let things be and move on. :)

There is honestly no normal response from an alcoholic; you would be expecting normal behavior from someone who cannot provide a reasonable response.

My AX would be on a binge for like 2-6 weeks, I would break up with him 500 times, he would break up with me 400 times...Than when he sobered up it was like nothing of that ever happened and were still together right?

Do yourself a favor, run away..Be done, don't care what his actions are. It's normal to wonder if he cares or if he will come back but I can assure you one thing, HE WILL NEVER CHANGE...This my new Mantra- especially after six relapses.

You are better than this!

If you want to burn the pictures and he doesn't, it doesn't seem strange to me that he would want to keep them. I'm not sure why burning everything means so much to you. If you are done, then be done. You don't need symbolic gestures.

Your Anna Sewell quote broke my heart😰

Most guys would gladly give back something like this...a breakup is a breakup...right? Is the an alcoholic response or just an unrelated guy thing?

there is no rule book on how anyone is SUPPOSED to behave post-break up. not everything is a guy thing, or an alcoholic thing....sometimes it's just a thing, in the moment.

since you plan to extirpate any items you have, what does it matter what he chooses to do? let it go, let him do him. you can still symbolically end your participation!!

You might find this post from tomsteve helpful:

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ml#post7104532

Wow...

If you're "done" be done..no need for "burning" anything. Walk away and heal yourself,then move on. For me it's easy to blame his drinking(just like I did for my ex's).. At the end of it all, I was the one to blame for what was MY actions/reactions to her/them. Took personal owership of myself for that and got 'better'.

Also: that Tomsteve link is 'on point'..as an ex drunk myself and a master manipulator..it's best to 'walk away' and mean it, if that's your plan(no pics,no 'closure',just walk/run). NO CONTACT...but, just like I tell the newcomers in the drinking forum..that's 100% your choice,so own that decision.

I have not contacted him. I did not go to work tonight because I co tracted what feels like the plague. One of my payron texted me and said he came in shortly before I was supposed to work and left approximately 20 minutes later...im guessing when he realized my replacement was standing in my place. I am not making the effort to maintain contact. He didnt tey to call or text though so that's a start.

The best course is to stay focused on your own actions and stop trying to figure out other people. Have you tried Alanon? It can be a big help in keeping the focus on taking care of yourself and letting go of an alcoholic.

I haven't had a lot of long term relationships. The longest one, before marriage, lasted about 3 years. It ended several times. :headbange

The last time, I took the clothes I had at Numbskull's house and one other thing: My mom had taken an 8 x 10 frame and put a few pictures of me at different ages into it, and given it to NS for Christmas.

When we broke up, I went to his place, collected my clothes, and I saw the frame face down on his bedside table. I strongly suspected he was already seeing someone else. I may have said, (okay, I snarled) "Already seeing someone else?" and then picked it up and took it. He was saying , "No, no that's not why it's face down. Your mother gave that to me. You don't understand."

Literally, it was all over but the crying. There were things I'd given him, but they were his, to keep or dispose of as he saw fit. I did eventually throw out many, maybe all pictures of him.

I hear you. I got mad at a man I really liked and after not hearing from him for months (he lives in the south in the winter) I deleted the email account i used to contact him, unfriended him on facebook, threw out his phone number, and took the Christmas gift he'd given me outside, set it on a rock, and pulverized it with a hammer. Came back inside and the phone rang, and it was him. It wasn't going to work out, but I do understand the desire to purge.

That's me, though. I don't get to decide what other people do with the gifts I've given them. Those no longer belong to me. Deciding how someone else MUST mourn the end of a relationship, or that they MUST return everything of sentimental value from our relationship is steering my car down their side of the street.