Givenup2018

2018, a year of good times and bad times, better on the whole than years before. I thought we were making progress but this last few weeks has shown me otherwise.
One can never have a healthy relationship with an alcoholic. That is the bottom line. For me, this time next year (2020) I want to have made progress in my career and to be so happy with my own life that he is just someone I share the house with, that his drama is not my drama, his journey is nothing to do with me. Has anyone got there? Or do I have to leave him?

Wombaticus

Thanks Mango212. I don't know. I'm cant find an al-anon mtg I can get to, but going to keep trying. I'm going to a gong meditation session with my son on Saturday pm. Im.going to keep doing mindfulness - that works well. I'm also going to keep focussing on the minimum standards I expect. No bullying, belittling, rudeness or passive-aggressiveness.

the1975jen

That's a good question lol. I am planning on leaving AH but if I think too much about it I almost panic. we have been together 15 years or so but we are a shell of a relationship. the drinking as you know effects everything. the financial ruin is really starting to bother me. I am not a kid. I should have a credit score that doesnt start with a 4. I should have a little money. I should have plans with my husband on the weekend. none of it is happening that way. I want to go back to school. he has gone back to smoking cigarettes (no offense to any grown people that chose to smoke. I'm not married to you guys and don't have to smell you). we cant converse because when he drinks he forgets to hear or answer things I say. hes perfectly happy to stumble around the apartment and pass out and snore like a lumberjack. leaving is really hard. but staying is deeply unsatisfying and I feel hollow and alone. thank you for listening.

trailmix

Hi jen! Do you have a plan at all? It can be terrifying, of course, but if you start to take steps toward your goal, breaking it down in to manageable pieces, it will be much less stressful.

Are you financially able to move, do you work? Hopefully you have started to put something aside if you do wish to move out or have him move out, if not, that's a place to start, putting away a bit for yourself.

Perhaps consulting a lawyer is another small step to take, just for a consultation so you know where you stand and what your next steps would be, how long it would take etc.

If you live in the U.S., this website that another member (Dandylion) suggests often might be of help to you:

www.womansdivorce.com

spiderqueen

Thanks for the thread, Mango.

Here is what I posted in the Gratitude List today, which I guess answers your question!

I am grateful to have had the opportunity to visit the place where my XABF's ashes were recently scattered. I was accompanied by my incredible daughter who suggested the trip - it was our first road trip together since she became an adult (she's now 21). It was a powerful, magical, healing experience for both of us.