more revealed
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 430
more revealed
I left my AH three years ago; within 6 mos. he had a new GF. Knowing how much he was drinking and what fun (not) he was to be around, I kept wondering, huh? I started to think maybe I did cause or at least contribute to his drinking, and maybe now that he found someone who loves him the way he wants to be loved, all was well.
He broke up with the GF last month, giving her a different list of reasons for why he was unhappy. She is a really sweet, nice person--not to stereotype, but she lives up to what Americans think about Canadians.
In any case, she and I have been talking. She doesn't think he's an A because her father is a heavier drinker than him (hmm). She, too, thinks he's a narcissist, and in many ways, he treated her even worse than he treated me. Makes me so sad for both of us, but glad we got away.
So, to that saying "more will be revealed," in this case, it's true. An A may look like they've changed, seeming to confirm that you were the problem, but that may just mean the facade is still concealing the truth.
He broke up with the GF last month, giving her a different list of reasons for why he was unhappy. She is a really sweet, nice person--not to stereotype, but she lives up to what Americans think about Canadians.
In any case, she and I have been talking. She doesn't think he's an A because her father is a heavier drinker than him (hmm). She, too, thinks he's a narcissist, and in many ways, he treated her even worse than he treated me. Makes me so sad for both of us, but glad we got away.
So, to that saying "more will be revealed," in this case, it's true. An A may look like they've changed, seeming to confirm that you were the problem, but that may just mean the facade is still concealing the truth.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,617
Hey Sauerkraut, I'm really glad you posted about that. How often do people post on SR that the relationship has broken down because of the drinking and lo and behold the A has a new gf or bf and is posting on FB with happy pictures and little descriptions about how happy they are now!
In reality what you have posted is probably much closer to the truth in many cases.
Unfortunately it is sad for everyone involved.
In reality what you have posted is probably much closer to the truth in many cases.
Unfortunately it is sad for everyone involved.
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 184
Hi Sauerkraut,
So she watches hockey every night, eating donuts and drinking Tim Hortons coffee? 😃
I’m glad that you are getting the validation of your feelings that you need. Narcissists very often do move on quite quickly because they need the admiration of someone. Sometimes being able to talk to another person who endured something similar to you did from the same person brings moments of healing—you realize it was never you, despite always being told by your A that it was your fault.
Best to you.
So she watches hockey every night, eating donuts and drinking Tim Hortons coffee? 😃
I’m glad that you are getting the validation of your feelings that you need. Narcissists very often do move on quite quickly because they need the admiration of someone. Sometimes being able to talk to another person who endured something similar to you did from the same person brings moments of healing—you realize it was never you, despite always being told by your A that it was your fault.
Best to you.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
And it’s possible that even more will be revealed as time goes on. Don’t be surprised if she gets back together with him if his new attraction doesn’t pan out.
She knew he drank, didn't care, doesn’t believe he’s an alcoholic and she stayed with him for 2 ½ years despite the fact he treated her poorly. Being sweet and nice, all he has to do is say the right words to her and they’ll be back together and you will be the crazy ex for even thinking he’s an alcoholic or narcissist. I’ve seen it happen more times than you can imagine.
Think about how this conversation even came about. Did she contact you? And if so why?
She knew he drank, didn't care, doesn’t believe he’s an alcoholic and she stayed with him for 2 ½ years despite the fact he treated her poorly. Being sweet and nice, all he has to do is say the right words to her and they’ll be back together and you will be the crazy ex for even thinking he’s an alcoholic or narcissist. I’ve seen it happen more times than you can imagine.
Think about how this conversation even came about. Did she contact you? And if so why?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 430
Yes, SC, we have 3 kids, so it matters to me what he's doing around our children. She's been driving my kids' carpools for the last 2.5 years when he has custody, and she's been the sober adult in the house, in more ways than one.
I get what some of you are saying about being wary about trusting another woman, but I happen to think that if more of us spoke to each other, honestly, about the s--- we've gone through with our ex's, we could help each other avoid some heartache or, at least, we could better understand the heartache when it happens. It's kind of like what we do here, but more direct. Anyone interested in my new website, "RateMyEx.com"?
One of the things I suggested was that she read the 100 pages of journals I filed with the court describing the horrible things he did to me and our children, in an effort to get the judge to order continued sobriety monitoring. That filing is public record, and I imagined reading it would help her put whatever experiences she's had in perspective.
She and I both anticipate that when his "new" flame (also his old, before me, GF) dumps him, he'll come back to her, flowers in hand. That's what happened with me, and I caved.
She says if he does that, he's underestimating her. So it's game on, the U.S. vs. Canada.
If she does go back to him, that will be in the best interest of my children. I am truly grateful that she has been around for the past 2.5 years, as the hardest part about leaving him was leaving my girls with him. They are that much older now, and that much more able to look out for themselves.
More will be revealed, but as Trailmix and LeeLee surmised, I'm glad for the validation that whatever makes him drink, it ain't me.
I get what some of you are saying about being wary about trusting another woman, but I happen to think that if more of us spoke to each other, honestly, about the s--- we've gone through with our ex's, we could help each other avoid some heartache or, at least, we could better understand the heartache when it happens. It's kind of like what we do here, but more direct. Anyone interested in my new website, "RateMyEx.com"?
One of the things I suggested was that she read the 100 pages of journals I filed with the court describing the horrible things he did to me and our children, in an effort to get the judge to order continued sobriety monitoring. That filing is public record, and I imagined reading it would help her put whatever experiences she's had in perspective.
She and I both anticipate that when his "new" flame (also his old, before me, GF) dumps him, he'll come back to her, flowers in hand. That's what happened with me, and I caved.
She says if he does that, he's underestimating her. So it's game on, the U.S. vs. Canada.
If she does go back to him, that will be in the best interest of my children. I am truly grateful that she has been around for the past 2.5 years, as the hardest part about leaving him was leaving my girls with him. They are that much older now, and that much more able to look out for themselves.
More will be revealed, but as Trailmix and LeeLee surmised, I'm glad for the validation that whatever makes him drink, it ain't me.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
