lostinjersey1

I found out my ax boyfriend was charged with a 3rd dui.....I figured eventually this would happen. His last one was like 6 years ago. He is very scared and he didn't appear in court today......which means they will issue a bench warrant. Because he is at the house, can they just go arrest him? I never dealt with any of this. He's looking at six months in jail. Honestly I feel relieved. Nothing else has opened his eyes. What if he just takes off and hides? I need some advice here. Just for my own peace of mind.

suki44883

He will most likely be arrested and go to jail...where he belongs. It was very stupid not to show up in court. It just made matters worse. If he bolts and runs, it will make matters even worse.

This is not your battle to fight. You don't need to do anything.

Freedom1990

I work hard on not hinging my reality on what someone else does/doesn't do. Life is so much better that way. Hugs!

trailmix

What suki said really.

They will go to his house and arrest him and put him in jail or they will eventually track him down and arrest him, either way, jail may be helpful for him, at least he will be sober, although I'm sure you can get drugs in jail.

Then again, a jail sentence might mean nothing to him. I've read a few stories here of people who have SO's that went to jail and came out and started drinking/drugging the next day or stopped through probation and started right away.

I don't know that it's particularly helpful but it would be nice if it was.

MCESaint

Yeah, here's my advice.

1. Don't worry about him or what will happen to him.

2. Don't get sucked into the financial consequences that it has on him - lawyer, fines, interlock device, higher insurance, car impound, everything. Do NOT pay a single dime of it.

3. Don't make his transportation issue(s) - now or in the future - your problem to solve. If he loses his license or takes a suspension of whatever duration, it's HIS PROBLEM TO SOLVE.

To summarize, it's HIS PROBLEM TO SOLVE. Do not solve his problems for him. If you enjoy his cooking and want to hang with him, then great. . . but do NOT TRY TO SOLVE HIS PROBLEMS and do not let him make his problems YOUR problems.

Practice saying the word "no."

Then use it when he wants to "borrow" some money because . . .

MCE Saint

AnvilheadII

I never dealt with any of this.

ahem, right, because you aren't the one who got the 3rd DUI.
this isn't your problem.
he's gonna do what he's gonna do with his problems and his life.
he chose not to appear in court.
his problem.
his choice.
his life.

resolute50

Hopefully some time in the house will correct your boyfriends behavior.
It's a terrible weight to carry through life if he killed somebody while DUI.
Or continue on the path to self destruction that alcohol brings.

least

I would suggest doing nothing. Let his chips fall where they may. He brought this on himself, don't make it your problem too.

Shellcrusher

Yep, definitely not your problem and speculating on the "what-ifs" is not a healthy way to spend your time.

atalose

What part do you see yourself playing in this particular production of his life where you need advice?

You can’t take on his issue, you do not own 3 DUI’s he does. Sounds like you are still in contact with him because you said he is scared. He is facing jail time of a minimum of 6 months, part of that time (90) days could be spend in inpatient towards the end of his sentence if he actually shows a desire for help while in jail. They do have AA meetings, counseling, etc. in jail. If he alludes the police and the bench warrant he will get more time added. Then he will have numerous financial obligations to the state in surcharges, court costs, fines etc. somewhere in the range of $10,000.00 or more.

ardy

the DUI did he harm anyone in the other car??? time he stops just stops and faces his own life and not harm someone else. sorry I was hit twice last year. went through 2 cars.. have problems now when driving and I have to drive 38 miles to work to pay my own bills... not sure how I would behave if I came across one of the men that had to change my life to suit them.. sorry kiddo. look up your state and county laws if he is hiding near you or you know of his abouts.. you are adding and abetting a person with a bench warrant being looked for you could have problems just because you know were he is. worked to long in law enforcement to not know these rules.. hugs and prayers and love from so many of us.. silly people in the net... ardy...

Cyranoak

if ax means ex, why are you involved in this in any way? If it doesn't, why are you involved in this in any way? his bed. he lies in it.

lostinjersey1

No he didn't ever hurt anyone, the car was parked, he went into his car to do something and due to his bench warrant they got him for a DUI he had keys in the car. I have no idea where he is and haven't spoken to him in days. I am assuming he is in the house so if they want they can just go get him. I am just trying to forget him over all

AutumnMama

Something is fishy about that story--but it doesn't really matter because it's not your problem AT ALL. I'm glad you haven't spoken to him and that you're trying to forget him all over again.

atalose

He probably went into his car and turned it on to get heat seeing that his home doesn’t have any. Maybe he passed out or fell asleep and the police got him for DUI. Not sure about the bench warrant part because you said that was coming because he did not show up in court the other day regarding this 3RD DUI.

Maybe a bench warrant was issued and the police for his own sake arrested him to get him in and out of the cold and because of the warrant.

All kinds of what if’s and if onlys can destroy your daily peace and continue to prevent you from moving on and away from situation. If he's in jail then he's safe, being detoxed, being fed and out of the winter elements. But either way it can only remain your problem if you continue to allow it to be.

No contact = no new hurts.

DontRemember

I'm confused..If he had a bench warrant out they don't release you until you go before the judge. He's screwed either way..a warrant doesn't just go away without it being quashed and it's best to have an attorney handle that(unless he wants to get arrested trying to do it himself)..

Really hate to see ya still wasting your life on his nonsense.. waayyy more to life than this.

Kna810

If he turns himself in, it will be much easier on him. Noncompliance generally does not bode well with the judge. They will eventually catch up to him and in my statr, they generally will not set a bail to due to the flight risk. Turning himself in will be his best option. Also something to consider, if you are living in the same residence and know he has a warrant, you could be charged with harboring a fugitive. Something to think about...

hopeful4

Depends on where you live what they do about a warrant. Likely he will just have a bench warrant out and when he gets pulled over or something else they will pick him up. Smaller towns may come to your house and arrest you. it definitely depends on where you live.

lostinjersey1

Oh no I do not live with him and haven't talked to him in over three wees. I officially moved on and at this point don't care what he does anymore!