Valentinus

Everyday seems like a challenge for me, I'm doing everything I can to get through each of them, from when I wake up to going to sleep. I can't relax or have fun whatsoever, that's such a strange concept for me.

trailmix

Doesn't surprise me at all. Sounds like a classic case of anxiety and the "fight or flight" feelings that go along with it.

Do you practice any self-care at all? Meditation, yoga, journalling, exercise or anything else that makes you happy - whether that is going to concerts, doing pottery or getting a manicure?

Bernadette

UGH....sounds very difficult Valentinus. Is this just a tough phase or are you describing what your life is like all the time? Have you spoken to a counselor? Do you have friends?

If you could "relax and have fun," what would it look like?

(((((hugs))))) and peace,
B.

Valentinus

I'm definitely in a fight or flight situation, I'm alarmed most of the time like an animal in the wild. I do a lot of stretches and yoga as well as working out as a form of "training" to be stronger . Reading relaxes me the most, that's why I find myself surfing through my phone or having a book in my hand the whole day.

Valentinus

I go through these phases that can last for weeks or even months, they're pretty frequent. I haven't spoken to a counselor (because it's expensive as hell) nor do I have many friends. I have talked to my brother and father about this though.

Well, there're moments when I relax and forget about everything, like talking to my classmates in college or watching videos or reading. It feels so weird when that happens, it's like it shouldn't be happening but at same time I'm enjoying it.

trailmix

Those are all great things but in your current situation perhaps not quite enough?

Is there no counselling available through school at all?

Have you checked out Al-Anon? Al-Anon is for friends and family of alcoholics. They teach tools on how to detach from the behaviour of alcoholics and you also meet people that are in the same or similar circumstances to you.

That alone can be very reassuring!

Also, post as often as you wish at SR. There are many here who know what you are going through.

Bernadette

Valentinus try this: just walk into health services on campus and say, "I'm struggling right now is there someone I can talk to?" Trust me they will know how to help you. Mental health counseling is available on all campuses, even if you did not elect to take the school's health plan, even if it is a small school or community college.

I've found it's always a breath of fresh air to get some completely objective perspective on my problems. Like coming here to this forum, I think that's why it is so helpful because it changes my stuck perspective.

Growing up in an alcoholic home is really damaging, it is a chronic stress, but it is not permanent if you find a way into your brain and emotions to work it out and put some new tools in place to practice and help you and protect your peace of mind.

Before I started getting help (with AlAnon meetings and therapy) I thought I was never going to feel better and would never have control of my reactions and moods..., I just thought well my family is totally f**ed up and so am I....but almost as soon as I started taking those small steps and trying out the things I was learning in AlAnon and from my therapist the clouds did part!

It's not easy and it's not magic but reaching out and accepting help certainly takes you farther down your own road towards health and freedom.

Peace,
B.

Mango212

Hi Valentinus,

How are you doing today?

Valentinus

A bit better, I'm much more relaxed and controlled.

Mango212

Stick around. Keep posting. It really can help.

I'm glad you're here.

Clover71

Hi valentinus

I'm sorry that you are feeling this way. I went back and read your old
Posts. My life growing up was very similar, and I can very much relate to how you are feeling right now. I lived this anxious life off and on until about a year ago. It's exhausting in every way possible. I agree with talking to someone at school. I finally went on medication last year, and it truly changed my life. (I'm not saying you should go on medication, just that I was resistant and afraid of getting help for so long). You are so young. I hate to see you hurt and secluded.

I'm glad that you post here. See if there are Alanon meetings near your school. You would be surprised how many others there are out there just like you.