Too good to be true.....or don't question it?
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Originally Posted by Hawkeye13 
Agree with pdm's plan
As I said in earlier thread, he's most likely not done trying to use you so don't be surprised if he tries to find a way around the block.
It's always worked before, so be ready and be very strong in repulsing any contact on his part--hope I am wrong, but doubt it.
Your new friend sounds much much nicer anyway
As I said in earlier thread, he's most likely not done trying to use you so don't be surprised if he tries to find a way around the block.
It's always worked before, so be ready and be very strong in repulsing any contact on his part--hope I am wrong, but doubt it.
Your new friend sounds much much nicer anyway
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I'm answering my own thread now😂. It is too good to be true.
Have been dreaming and thinking about my ex all week. Can stop ruminating about him and remembering his funny side. I keep wondering what he's doing, who he's with and how he can move on so easy too. Trying to remind myself of how hurtful he was. It helps but I just thought I had moved on quite nicely from him.
Have been dreaming and thinking about my ex all week. Can stop ruminating about him and remembering his funny side. I keep wondering what he's doing, who he's with and how he can move on so easy too. Trying to remind myself of how hurtful he was. It helps but I just thought I had moved on quite nicely from him.
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Healthy actions lead to healthy thinking.
What healthy actions can you pick up today? A meeting, calling people from a meeting call list, get out in nature and do some grounding, something that's worked before and maybe something new?
Continued self care and allowing recovery actions bring continued good results. One day at a time. You've changed your focus before into good directions, you can do this again. Actions first, feelings follow.
What healthy actions can you pick up today? A meeting, calling people from a meeting call list, get out in nature and do some grounding, something that's worked before and maybe something new?
Continued self care and allowing recovery actions bring continued good results. One day at a time. You've changed your focus before into good directions, you can do this again. Actions first, feelings follow.
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Originally Posted by Mango212
Healthy actions lead to healthy thinking.
What healthy actions can you pick up today? A meeting, calling people from a meeting call list, get out in nature and do some grounding, something that's worked before and maybe something new?
Continued self care and allowing recovery actions bring continued good results. One day at a time. You've changed your focus before into good directions, you can do this again. Actions first, feelings follow.
What healthy actions can you pick up today? A meeting, calling people from a meeting call list, get out in nature and do some grounding, something that's worked before and maybe something new?
Continued self care and allowing recovery actions bring continued good results. One day at a time. You've changed your focus before into good directions, you can do this again. Actions first, feelings follow.
Just received Marie kondo book in the door this morning, going to have a read today! (Took while to arrive). Maybe it's good timing
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It helps but I just thought I had moved on quite nicely from him.
Or as George Carlin said………….
Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn’t mean the circus has left town.
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Originally Posted by atalose
Replacing him with someone else is no different than the addict switching their drug of choice with the belief that it was the meth not the cocaine so now things will be better.
Or as George Carlin said………….
Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn’t mean the circus has left town.
Or as George Carlin said………….
Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn’t mean the circus has left town.
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Do you see a pattern here?
This is the thing where X amount of time passes (on this go round the circus ring it was a bit longer because you had a distraction) and you start thinking back on how nice he can be and how kind and really he's a deep thinker full of great plans who is misunderstood because of the demon drink.
You know what, all that may be true but what is also true is he is an addict. You didn't Cause it, can't Control it and can't Cure it.
If you return to the tent you are going to get hurt again, that's a fact. While you have been away nothing has changed, not one thing. He is still living with his cousin cuddling. He is still picking up random women and men in bars. He is still drinking, regularly, until he is black out drunk.
That's the picture you should be thinking of and what you can expect, not the "deep thinker full of kindness and love".
I was reading some article the other day and the person said, you need to be clear. Is the drinking masking the true nature of the person OR is it merely a thing that enables the person to show their true nature. It's worth contemplating.
This is the thing where X amount of time passes (on this go round the circus ring it was a bit longer because you had a distraction) and you start thinking back on how nice he can be and how kind and really he's a deep thinker full of great plans who is misunderstood because of the demon drink.
You know what, all that may be true but what is also true is he is an addict. You didn't Cause it, can't Control it and can't Cure it.
If you return to the tent you are going to get hurt again, that's a fact. While you have been away nothing has changed, not one thing. He is still living with his cousin cuddling. He is still picking up random women and men in bars. He is still drinking, regularly, until he is black out drunk.
That's the picture you should be thinking of and what you can expect, not the "deep thinker full of kindness and love".
I was reading some article the other day and the person said, you need to be clear. Is the drinking masking the true nature of the person OR is it merely a thing that enables the person to show their true nature. It's worth contemplating.
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Hang in there Glenjo99, grief after a loss tends to come on in waves. This all just happened, so it’s to be expected that you’re going to be hit with strong waves of sorrow. I think what a person does in those moments when it feels strong and intense is important. When I’m going through something like that, I try to remind myself that those feelings will pass/ won’t be that intense forever. And what I try to do is focus on walking, reading, playing with my cats- anything but diving back into what got me there in the first place (like contact with a dysfunctional ex, or whatever got you into that mess in the first place- the pull can be very strong 
Hey, have you read any of Pia Mellody’s books? I think I read hers and Melody Beattie’s books around the same time and sometimes get those authors 2 mixed up, but along the same vein. I recall the one called “Facing Love Addiction- Giving Yourself the Power to Change the Way You Love” by Pia Mellody is really good, I think you might like her and her books too.
Hey, have you read any of Pia Mellody’s books? I think I read hers and Melody Beattie’s books around the same time and sometimes get those authors 2 mixed up, but along the same vein. I recall the one called “Facing Love Addiction- Giving Yourself the Power to Change the Way You Love” by Pia Mellody is really good, I think you might like her and her books too.
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Originally Posted by pdm22
Hang in there Glenjo99, grief after a loss tends to come on in waves. This all just happened, so it’s to be expected that you’re going to be hit with strong waves of sorrow. I think what a person does in those moments when it feels strong and intense is important. When I’m going through something like that, I try to remind myself that those feelings will pass/ won’t be that intense forever. And what I try to do is focus on walking, reading, playing with my cats- anything but diving back into what got me there in the first place (like contact with a dysfunctional ex, or whatever got you into that mess in the first place- the pull can be very strong
Hey, have you read any of Pia Mellody’s books? I think I read hers and Melody Beattie’s books around the same time and sometimes get those authors 2 mixed up, but along the same vein. I recall the one called “Facing Love Addiction- Giving Yourself the Power to Change the Way You Love” by Pia Mellody is really good, I think you might like her and her books too.
Hey, have you read any of Pia Mellody’s books? I think I read hers and Melody Beattie’s books around the same time and sometimes get those authors 2 mixed up, but along the same vein. I recall the one called “Facing Love Addiction- Giving Yourself the Power to Change the Way You Love” by Pia Mellody is really good, I think you might like her and her books too.
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Originally Posted by trailmix
Do you see a pattern here?
This is the thing where X amount of time passes (on this go round the circus ring it was a bit longer because you had a distraction) and you start thinking back on how nice he can be and how kind and really he's a deep thinker full of great plans who is misunderstood because of the demon drink.
You know what, all that may be true but what is also true is he is an addict. You didn't Cause it, can't Control it and can't Cure it.
If you return to the tent you are going to get hurt again, that's a fact. While you have been away nothing has changed, not one thing. He is still living with his cousin cuddling. He is still picking up random women and men in bars. He is still drinking, regularly, until he is black out drunk.
That's the picture you should be thinking of and what you can expect, not the "deep thinker full of kindness and love".
I was reading some article the other day and the person said, you need to be clear. Is the drinking masking the true nature of the person OR is it merely a thing that enables the person to show their true nature. It's worth contemplating.
This is the thing where X amount of time passes (on this go round the circus ring it was a bit longer because you had a distraction) and you start thinking back on how nice he can be and how kind and really he's a deep thinker full of great plans who is misunderstood because of the demon drink.
You know what, all that may be true but what is also true is he is an addict. You didn't Cause it, can't Control it and can't Cure it.
If you return to the tent you are going to get hurt again, that's a fact. While you have been away nothing has changed, not one thing. He is still living with his cousin cuddling. He is still picking up random women and men in bars. He is still drinking, regularly, until he is black out drunk.
That's the picture you should be thinking of and what you can expect, not the "deep thinker full of kindness and love".
I was reading some article the other day and the person said, you need to be clear. Is the drinking masking the true nature of the person OR is it merely a thing that enables the person to show their true nature. It's worth contemplating.
Thinking of the negative traits does help. He was definitely wearing a mask.
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