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So delusional, so in denial, I feel a fool.

Old 01-01-2019, 07:09 AM
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So delusional, so in denial, I feel a fool.

So my friend (ex) contacts me earlier to say he would drop in for a while. Turns out he was being dropped off by a girl he hooked up with and spent new year's Eve with! He actually put me on the phone to her while in the car on his way to mine, as he knew I was annoyed.

when I heard this it was like someone punched me in the stomach. I had offered to have him in last night if he wanted and heard nothing from him. Not even a happy new year wish. As I guessed, because I didn't go to him on Xmas night, he was sulking and had a replacement in a couple of days!!!!!

I feel such an idiot. Despite all the advice in here, I thought he might be different. But he's a lying hurtful mean abusive addict. When I confronted him and got angry he laughed at me getting annoyed. I feel like I didn't know him at all. I only saw what I wanted. He doesn't care about me at all.

It's time to delete everything now. Don't want to have to change my number but I think it's necessary. What a fool I was. As soon as I started saying no to doing things his way, he finds a replacement and I don't hear from him. I'm so deflated.
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Old 01-01-2019, 07:24 AM
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Sounds good, Glenjo.
Time to move on, yeah?
Hugs..
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Old 01-01-2019, 07:37 AM
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Originally Posted by Glenjo99 View Post
So my friend (ex) contacts me earlier to say he would drop in for a while. Turns out he was being dropped off by a girl he hooked up with and spent new year's Eve with! He actually put me on the phone to her while in the car on his way to mine, as he knew I was annoyed.

when I heard this it was like someone punched me in the stomach. I had offered to have him in last night if he wanted and heard nothing from him. Not even a happy new year wish. As I guessed, because I didn't go to him on Xmas night, he was sulking and had a replacement in a couple of days!!!!!

I feel such an idiot. Despite all the advice in here, I thought he might be different. But he's a lying hurtful mean abusive addict. When I confronted him and got angry he laughed at me getting annoyed. I feel like I didn't know him at all. I only saw what I wanted. He doesn't care about me at all.

It's time to delete everything now. Don't want to have to change my number but I think it's necessary. What a fool I was. As soon as I started saying no to doing things his way, he finds a replacement and I don't hear from him. I'm so deflated.
Originally Posted by Maudcat View Post
Sounds good, Glenjo.
Time to move on, yeah?
Hugs..
Doesn't feel good but I know what you mean. I'm done!
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Old 01-01-2019, 07:48 AM
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To be willing to label the dysfunction and speak it out loud to myself and others who support my recovery is powerful.

Addiction.

Alcoholism.

Emotional and psychological abuse.

Narcissistic abusive behaviors.

This awareness can be a Higher Power wake up call - a gift - if it's accepted in this way.

Ebb and flow of healing. As we ask for more clarity, it does come. My becoming willing to use my voice, label the dysfunction and face it has come in layers of awareness, having great support in many ways from others who understand what I'm going through and having safe space sround me to heal within.
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Old 01-01-2019, 07:53 AM
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Being sympathetic and seeing the good in people are great qualities to have, anyone would be lucky to have you as a friend or boyfriend. Unfortunately he’s just an unbalanced, manipulative person, and those qualities are working against you in this situation. He’s a douchebag for doing that, and throwing it in your face, on New Year’s no less. :/
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Old 01-01-2019, 08:02 AM
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I'm sorry Glenjo, I know how hurtful this is. I'm glad, though, that your eyes are open now and you are ready and willing to move forward.

And it *is* forward, however it feels at the moment.
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Old 01-01-2019, 08:21 AM
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This so sucks Glenjo. Blocking him will ultimately make things better for you but is excruciating in the long run.

You said something along the lines of "I only saw what I wanted.". I so so get this. I did that for a long time until the reality was too huge and garishly colored to ignore.

Peace to you. 2019 may painful but I hope it will eventually be healing and peaceful.
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Old 01-01-2019, 08:31 AM
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Mental resilience:

"Mentally strong people acknowledge their true emotions by admitting when they’re feeling embarrassed, hurt, or disappointed. Facing their emotions head-on helps them heal from their pain in a healthy manner."

I see you doing this.

One day at a time. Leaning into God/Great Spirit creates great transformations.

Joy is our birthright. It's okay to switch gears and allow joy in our hearts, lives, breath, day. Pain and joy can reside in the same space. Cultivating joy is a healing action, even in grief.
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Old 01-01-2019, 08:52 AM
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But he's a lying hurtful mean abusive addict.

Yes he is.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry you are hurt and I'm sorry he's such a jerk and can't accept what a valuable friend you are.

He is totally out of control. While he may indeed be a great person under all that, he is far, far, far away from being in touch with any of that and there is absolutely no way you are going to see the "good guy" anytime soon.

He has a history of shockingly horrible behaviour toward you, this latest example is just one more thing. Who the hell does he think he is to treat anyone that way and in particular you!

Furthermore, if you look outside of this a bit what exactly is he doing.

- Hurting his parents that have had to stop contact with him

- Going against the wishes of his cousin who has tried to help him and is supporting him financially and giving him a roof over his head and literally took him in off the street.

-Running hot and cold with you and is UNABLE to treat you with any kind of care or respect.

- Proving that he has zero intention of following through with any kind of sobriety at this point as discussed with you and the cousin (and probably anyone else who will listen).

It is understandable to have compassion for him (yes, even I do, just barely and I don't even know him). But the bottom line is he cannot be trusted with anyone's feelings, not you, not his parents not his cousin's. He is incapable of looking after himself or anyone else.




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Old 01-01-2019, 08:58 AM
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Originally Posted by Bekindalways View Post
This so sucks Glenjo. Blocking him will ultimately make things better for you but is excruciating in the long run.

You said something along the lines of "I only saw what I wanted.". I so so get this. I did that for a long time until the reality was too huge and garishly colored to ignore.

Peace to you. 2019 may painful but I hope it will eventually be healing and peaceful.
Ugh. I meant "constructive in the long run" not "excruciating in the long run". I need to drink more coffee .

Apologies.
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Old 01-01-2019, 09:14 AM
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In "The best of Soberrecover", something Ann quoted and posted:

"Our recovery is tough. We don't have to give up a drink or a substance. We have to give up our
very nature. We are caregivers. It's what we do."
- historyteach -

Thanks, Teach.

__________________


Live your joy,
Go against the grain.
Don’t be made timid by worried rejection.
Let nature’s curious wisdom fill you.
Let the world’s mystical heritage guide you.
Paint your canvasses,
play your tunes.

~Thomas Moore

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Old 01-01-2019, 09:39 AM
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I am so sorry. I would definitely block him. On social media from your phone, everything. If he tries to contact you through a new number/email/FB account. Block it immediately and don't respond. You are worth more than how he treats you.
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Old 01-01-2019, 11:06 AM
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Originally Posted by alwayscovering View Post
I am so sorry. I would definitely block him. On social media from your phone, everything. If he tries to contact you through a new number/email/FB account. Block it immediately and don't respond. You are worth more than how he treats you.
I am. He has really hurt me with the new year's Eve thing. Blocked him. He's actions say it all.
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Old 01-01-2019, 11:07 AM
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Originally Posted by Bekindalways View Post
Ugh. I meant "constructive in the long run" not "excruciating in the long run". I need to drink more coffee .

Apologies.
Thanks I appreciate that. It's excruciating now but will be worth it in long run. He's a jerk.
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Old 01-01-2019, 11:08 AM
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Originally Posted by Mango212 View Post
Mental resilience:

"Mentally strong people acknowledge their true emotions by admitting when they’re feeling embarrassed, hurt, or disappointed. Facing their emotions head-on helps them heal from their pain in a healthy manner."

I see you doing this.

One day at a time. Leaning into God/Great Spirit creates great transformations.

Joy is our birthright. It's okay to switch gears and allow joy in our hearts, lives, breath, day. Pain and joy can reside in the same space. Cultivating joy is a healing action, even in grief.
Thanks Mango, back to a Hicks for some more podcasts.
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Old 01-01-2019, 11:32 AM
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Originally Posted by trailmix View Post
Yes he is.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry you are hurt and I'm sorry he's such a jerk and can't accept what a valuable friend you are.

He is totally out of control. While he may indeed be a great person under all that, he is far, far, far away from being in touch with any of that and there is absolutely no way you are going to see the "good guy" anytime soon.

He has a history of shockingly horrible behaviour toward you, this latest example is just one more thing. Who the hell does he think he is to treat anyone that way and in particular you!

Furthermore, if you look outside of this a bit what exactly is he doing.

- Hurting his parents that have had to stop contact with him

- Going against the wishes of his cousin who has tried to help him and is supporting him financially and giving him a roof over his head and literally took him in off the street.

-Running hot and cold with you and is UNABLE to treat you with any kind of care or respect.

- Proving that he has zero intention of following through with any kind of sobriety at this point as discussed with you and the cousin (and probably anyone else who will listen).

It is understandable to have compassion for him (yes, even I do, just barely and I don't even know him). But the bottom line is he cannot be trusted with anyone's feelings, not you, not his parents not his cousin's. He is incapable of looking after himself or anyone else.




-
No he can't be trusted with anyone's feelings. I was advised in here not to accept him back, but I chose to. Had to learn for myself it seems. Most disrespectful thing he did was, when I sent him a happy new year message, he replied happy new year from me and the dog ( the dog was owned by this new girl). Knowing I would know he was with her. Beyond disrespectful.
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Old 01-01-2019, 11:41 AM
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Yes it is. He is who he is and unfortunately, this is who he is. He paid you back for saying no to him for xmas. That's how he thinks, in his world it's all about him and those that "wrong him" (in his perception) will pay. I think "wronging" him includes ANYTHING that anyone does that is not in line with exactly what he wants (a reaction, a statement, stating a need or want - anything).

His thinking is so far off normal it's pretty amazing when you view it overall.

I have compassion for him because he has to live with it. The drinking, the hangovers, the regret, the destruction, ruining all relationships.

He will end up out on the street again probably because even his cousin will reach the end of her rope eventually.
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Old 01-01-2019, 11:47 AM
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He is beyond disrespectful. His actions display extreme narcissism bordering on being a sociopath. People aren't people to him, merely objects to be played with and hurt. The issues go far beyond his addiction, although if he ever does get sober, he will still be a sociopath. He probably has played similar games with anyone who has tried to treat his addiction.

He's not just a terrible person, he could be downright dangerous, and psychically he IS dangerous.

Be prepared for him to try and woo you back. Narcissists don't like to lose their victims, and can be highly engaging and desirable when they're trying to keep a victim in their clutches. Don't buy it. As soon as you relent and let him back in, he may be nice for a minute, but will hurt you again as soon as he feels that you won't leave.

Unfortunately his best response to you deleting him will be the cold shoulder. Hopefully he will just move on as well.
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Old 01-01-2019, 12:54 PM
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Originally Posted by MindfulMan View Post
He is beyond disrespectful. His actions display extreme narcissism bordering on being a sociopath. People aren't people to him, merely objects to be played with and hurt. The issues go far beyond his addiction, although if he ever does get sober, he will still be a sociopath. He probably has played similar games with anyone who has tried to treat his addiction.

He's not just a terrible person, he could be downright dangerous, and psychically he IS dangerous.

Be prepared for him to try and woo you back. Narcissists don't like to lose their victims, and can be highly engaging and desirable when they're trying to keep a victim in their clutches. Don't buy it. As soon as you relent and let him back in, he may be nice for a minute, but will hurt you again as soon as he feels that you won't leave.

Unfortunately his best response to you deleting him will be the cold shoulder. Hopefully he will just move on as well.
Thanks. Yes he comes high on psychopath scale apparently. I have blocked him and his cousin, deleted all numbers and going through pics now and deleting them. It was all false. All a farce. If he tries to make any other contact I will change my number.

Something has changed in me. He actually crapped all over me and although he did before, seeing him do it on new years eve with a girl (probably both laughing at me), has given me the wake up call I need.

Hopefully he won't be any wooing back as you mentioned and we both move on.

​​​​
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Old 01-01-2019, 01:17 PM
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Originally Posted by Glenjo99 View Post

I feel such an idiot. Despite all the advice in here, I thought he might be different. But he's a lying hurtful mean abusive addict. When I confronted him and got angry he laughed at me getting annoyed. I feel like I didn't know him at all. I only saw what I wanted. He doesn't care about me at all.
.
Most of us have been there Glenjo. We humans tend to be experiential learners so just hearing/reading something doesn't really process the way an experience does.

Unfortunately this guy may very well circle back to you when he runs out of other options. As he has experienced you taking him back, he will think he can do it again. I do hope he wanders off in some other direction but he may well try to contact you again.

So sorry your New Years Resolution seems to have been thrust in your face in a painful way . . .ugh.

Please be as kind to yourself as you can through these next days, weeks and months. What your are going through is no joke.

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