Another Family Member Died of Alcoholism
 

Today my brother told me that the mother of my cousin's 2 adult children drank herself to death the day before Christmas. My brother is an active addict/alcoholic for over 4 decades. I said that she died of alcoholism. He then proceeded to go into a delusional explanation of all kinds of BS excuses and psychobabble about what caused her to drink herself to death. I said that an alcoholic drinks because they are an alcoholic and they want to get drunk. Everything else is an excuse. He got argumentative and so did I. He said I think I know about alcoholism, our father died of alcoholism. I said "Maybe you should do some research so you can find out what it really is." I hung up on him and I later found out that he hung up on me, after I sent a text and apologized for hanging up on him. I never argued the whole time I was married but this just pushed me over the edge. The whole conversation lasted less than 5 minutes. The active alcoholic/addicts in the family are a dangerous threat with their delusional insanity. They are toxic people. I have been in AA for 25 years . I used to talk to him about recovery but now I know it is a complete waste of time. It is his responsibility. The end.

You are correct. No use having debates about it with an alcoholic. They are happy doing what they do and until they become unhappy about it (if ever) nothing will change. Who are we to tell someone else how to live their own life. Its their call. X

I'm so sorry to learn of your family's loss. You have my deepest sympathies!

Today is a new day.

I continue to learn more about recovery and in this I find great hope. "That was then. This is now." Perspectives, viewpoints, thoughts and feelings can change.

Allowing ourselves space to heal, find joy and connect in healthy new ways is life-changing. The path to this can be very illogical.

Prayer: God, please give me eyes to see, ears to hear and strength to embrace the illogical.



Congratulations on your recovery. I'm glad you're here.

Very true.

Alcoholism is not a spectator sport, eventually the whole family gets to play.

An alcoholic doesn't always deny that they are drinking, they deny that it is hurting others.

An alcoholic doesn't deny that they are drinking, they deny that it is hurting others.

Many will deny both. Alcoholism is a very illogical disease.

Kindness to self and others can look like different things, as we allow our own recovery to take priority.

Alcoholism is not a spectator sport, eventually the whole family gets to play.

An alcoholic doesn't deny that they are drinking, they deny that it is hurting others.

Yes, ugh, this.

Going through some nonsense with my middle A bro around the holidays, he really just has the delusion that he is an island and is not actively hurting people with his drunken behavior...completely deluded alcoholic insanity.

Sorry for the loss of your family member. And kudos on your own recovery, that is a gift to yourself and the world.
Peace,
B

Yes, they draw everyone into the insanity eventually. If you can't do NC, just avoid talking about the subject with an active A, they will simply argue with you until your hair falls out. Forget about having an authentic conversation with an active A.

I'm sorry for your family's loss.

That is so powerfully true. Both statements.

My AXH absolutely acknowledges being an alcoholic. HOWEVER... he does not accept any responsibility for any of the many consequences he has had to face because of that alcoholism... to his way of thinking it's all somebody else's fault AND he vehemently denies that he has hurt anyone other than himself. Insanity.

I am sorry to hear of your losing another family member to addiction BriarSkye. Sucks.

Wow, SmallButMighty...sounds like we were married to the same man! Ugh.

Briar....I am very sorry for your loss and for the stress that goes along with addiction.

Sending big hugs and lots of support!

My cousin, the deceased ex-husband of the woman who drank herself to death (and father to the 2 adult children) was a US Marshall who was shot and killed in the line of duty while serving an arrest warrant on a known criminal with substance abuse issues. This made national news in 2011. Then, the now dead, alcoholic mother was living with a man who assaulted both underage children as a result of the insanity of drugs and alcohol. This drama and chaos just fueled even more drama, chaos and psychobabble BS all around. People use drugs and alcohol because they want to use. Period. These people are toxic. The cold hard facts. I am literally afraid of the alcoholic/addicts in my family for good reason. They are dangerous. Wow. Bad things have happened in the past.

Then my cousins alcoholic fiance embezzled the funds (17K) from a charity in his name, the name of a federal officer. She went to federal prison for a year.

I've seen friends and family of alcoholics blow off the alcoholics drinking. Some are/were hardcore drinkers themselves.

Sadly I know a couple of parents who drank freely in the presence of their children including afternoon cocktails. Those adult children either want as little to do with the parents or are alcoholics/addicts themselves.

I know one parent refuses to acknowledge their adult child's excessive drinking even when they show up in the am with alcohol breath. And berate those who don't drink or poo poo bars. Well I'm not the parent with kids who want nothing to do with me or one drink or dose away from killing themselves all year round.

My son tells me straight to my face there is nothing wrong with his use of Marijuana, despite the fact that his father (my ex husband), has been in rehab 5 times that I know of for drug and alcohol abuse.

It's rife in my family.

If I were you, I'd just let the argument go. Deep down he knows he has a problem, I have no doubt. The addiction needs to defend itself. It's hard, but it's not up to you to tell him 'how it is'.

'how it is', is obviously different for him.

I'm currently re-learning knowing when to 'let things go'. Doesn't mean the other person has 'won', it means you accept they have an opinion/perception, and it's OK if it's different from yours.

The fact is anyway, whatever reason he used to justify the relative drinking is a moot point. The drinking starts for one reason, and changes over time as the addiction takes hold and compulsion takes a grip.


The most reassuring thing is, you always have support here.

I have very limited or no contact with the active alcoholic/addicts my family.
He made his choice and is free to live with the consequences.
But he is not free to cause any more consequences/wreckage for the family.
That is the issue. We are not a doormat. Or a cash machine.

So now he called me on my birthday and the conversation deteriorated to the point where he was verbally abusive. He is a man who thinks he can manipulate and abuse women for his pathetic, entitled financial agenda.