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Please Help...In desperate need of help for my friend!!

Old 12-14-2018, 09:00 AM
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Please Help...In desperate need of help for my friend!!

Hello everyone.

I am so desperate and don't know where to turn to or what to do.

I live in a different country as my dearest friend. I feel like I'm a million miles away from her. She is the most wonderful person you could ever meet and she is suffering so much. Her husband has been diagnosed with PTSD after his father killed himself in a horrible way and then a week later his grandmother passed away. His father and grandmother are the ones who raised him and his sister since their mother was nonexistent in their lives. He has also lived a hard life, which contributed to the PTSD. He has turned to alcohol to self medicate. And, by doing so, he is destroying everything in his path. Including my best friend. She is about to lose everything and has lost all hope and is just miserable in life. This once happy, go get 'em, warrior-like woman is just a shell of her former self. And I am so scared for her.

He has tried detox. But, once he is home he starts to drink. He has gone to therapists. But, there is no change whatsoever.
I don't know what else they can do. They live in Maryland. He has no insurance and no kind of aid because of my friends income. Don't even mention AA because he doesn't believe in it. And will not go. No matter what.
So, it's pretty much just closed doors everywhere for them.

Please, I am begging you. Give me some ideas for them. Like I said, I'm so far away from them and can't do anything from here. And, have no way of going there for the time being.

Any ideas, information, advice is welcome.

Thank you!
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Old 12-14-2018, 09:18 AM
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If your friend is in danger from her husband, then she should contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline immediately at 1-800-799-SAFE. If she is not in immediate danger then you might suggest she find an Al-Anon meeting as soon as possible

He does not seem willing to address his issues. That is very unfortunate, but there is no reason that your friend is consigned to be collateral damage to his addiction and other issues. No one can make him stop drinking or get help, and until he decides that he is willing to do anything to recover, this situation will only get worse.
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Old 12-14-2018, 10:33 AM
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Hi SparkleKitty. Thank you for your response. Thank God she's not in danger of him abusing her. I will mention Al-anon to her.
She has done everything in her power to try and help him and in the process is drowning with him.

I agree with everything you said. And, you are so right. He isn't going to stop until he's ready. I pray to God that it's sooner rather than later.
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Old 12-16-2018, 11:27 AM
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Yes to AlAnon!
Here is the website for DC/Maryland:
https://www.marylanddc-alanon.org

Sometimes the website for AlAnon can be wonky but she can also search for Alanon websites by county or her specific town.

Unfortunately there is nothing she can do stop him from drinking. Of course you cannot mention AA to him, because he is unique and it won't work for him (a common defensive saying that we've all heard from our active alcoholics! Just picture a duck quacking when an alcoholic starts telling you why effective programs don't work for them) That;s just their disease quacking away, no point in engaging in an argument.

But she can certainly get the focus back on herself and save herself from being dragged down. That's what AlAnon helped me to do and it has helped millions of others....I hope the program works for her too...of course therapy and books about alcoholism are also really helpful, books like "Codependent No More" by Melodie Beattie and "Under the Influence" by Milam and Ketcham were 2 books that really helped me turn my head around and start getting out of the misery.

Peace,
B.
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Old 12-16-2018, 05:01 PM
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Thank you for your response Bernadette. I'll pass all this information to her. I think she will be very interested in the books.

You're so right. She definitely needs to get the focus back on herself. I told her he's drowning and taking her down with him.
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