DragonflyPeace

Good morning friends! Just thought I would check in and give a update, any words of advise or comfort are welcome! I am still packing up my belongings, the plan is my daughter is flying in on Tuesday to drive the moving van to Texas from NC. My "recovering" AH is still not drinking, we are still friendly, he is staying in our home now and after I leave. I have gone through EVERY emotion known, never knowing which one will pop up unexpectedly, from happy and excited for starting over to a sadness I can't explain in words. Currently I have been feeling like this is very surreal, as if I am going through the motions, but it feels unreal, having difficulty focusing and have a weird brain fog going on!!! Is this normal???? A flood of memories will hit me, some real good ones, some horrific! How do I get to a point where I feel some comfort or settle in to my new normal. I feel as if I am on constant vibrate!! I truly hope this makes sense. I am a little scared of once I get to MY new home lonliness and depression will be something I will have to face, even more so then now. I have already contacted a alanon group in Texas of which I will be attending. I guess what I am seeking here is, has anyone felt like they are stuck in a dream while taking steps to leave and when do things start to feel real? Much love to you all.

dandylion

Dragonfly...….I would say that it is normal for the situation. I would say that you have elements of grieving, going on. Which is to be expected.....grieving the loss of "things as they were".....
Grieving is very painful...especially in the beginning....
I thing that thing s will get better...feel more "real"...when you get to your destination and your days are filled with activities and challenges of getting settled from the move.....
I think the presence of family will keep you from depression and lonliness..
(if you have a history of clinical depression...I think it would be a good idea to visit and get to know a doctor as soon as you arrive)…..
Having the alanon group lined up, already, is an excellent idea, I think!

DragonflyPeace

Thank you Dandylion!

Surfbee

This makes complete sense Dragonfly! You're taking a huge leap of faith into the unknown! It's incredibly exciting but also scary, I understand.

I lived with my A but it also became too much for me. I decided to move out. At first it was a "partial move out", using the new space as a working studio / "back-up home"...but gradually noticed more distance was needed for me, and so a few months ago I moved out fully. I've fallen in love my own space, my own peaceful sanctuary...and consequently my boyfriend and I are feeling closer than before.

I know it's surreal and scary right now and you'll feel waves of sadness but you'll feel better as time passes. You just need healing time in order to re-connect with yourself. Alanon meetings will be excellent. A couple of months ago I committed to doing 30mins yoga each day, and daily meditation, and it's been a total godsend... just get into whatever inspires you! big hugs!! x

trailmix

Hi Dragonfly, I know exactly what you mean - that fog or detachment from the world, like you are one step out of it - a distance.

Now, I'm not a psychologist and I have read about this (for myself) but I never bothered to go in to it too deeply because I didn't care enough to.

I know this happens to me when I am over-stressed, it is temporary, it does lift (tends to fluctuate and can be hours or a day). I believe it is a mental coping tool that is automatic. The brain just says - ok that's enough of that, we are going to detach here for a bit. There is a reason that is in place and if it is not prolonged I don't see it as harmful and in fact I have learned to embrace it somewhat rather than feel uncomfortable with it. My best advice is to go with it, don't try to fight it, that will frustrate you and make you feel more stressed.

I agree with dandylion that once you are in your new place things will seem much more normal and settled. You will have family around you and be busy getting settled in. Separating from a Husband and still living with them is not ideal - happens all the time (I've done it) but it's not a great happy place to be!

AutumnMama

I think when we enter situations that are overwhelming, our brain sort of goes on 'autopilot' just to keep us putting one foot in front of the other, while the rest of the brain is busy trying to cope with what's going on. I think that push-pull between the autopilot of doing tasks (packing, getting alanon group set up, cleaning, cooking, etc) and dealing with a huge change in your life, can feel a bit disorienting. Like, some days it's just too much to deal with, so you just push the feelings aside and focus on getting stuff done, and other days you feel strong enough to dwell in the feelings and give them some space in your brain. I also think once you're settled, you will be able to focus a little more on how you're feeling, especially once you feel you're in a safe space. Then the fog will start to lift

My only suggestion, as my husband moved out in March, is to keep busy. Keep putting yourself out into the world, around people, with friends, etc. It reminds me that I'm not alone in this, and that there are people who I could lean on if needed. Being alone doesn't always mean that you'll be lonely

NYCDoglvr

When he's no longer in your presence. I can only imagine how gut-wrenching this is and I"m glad you're taking care of yourself. A big hug.

Mango212

Good news! One foot in front of the other. (((hugs)))

One day at a time, things tend to get sorted out. Feelings, emotions, life stuff. Take good care of you.