So what happens to an active alcoholic who doesn't want to stop drinking?
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Originally Posted by DriGuy 
I'm not sure why I asked that question. I guess I was thinking if you are an alcoholic, he would be a danger to your health. But it doesn't make much difference, because if you are NOT and alcoholic, he would still be a pain in the a$$. So you wouldn't want him around in either case. LOL
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heh.
Is it wrong that I think you should have Emergency Services (911) check on him? You have it in writing that he's feeling suicidal. It *could* be true (even though I doubt it: sounds like alcoholic drama but who knows?)
I had an ex who threatened suicide when I broke up with him. I called on him, and they checked on him and he never made that kind of statement to me again. I mean if he needed help he would get it, if it's just a poor-me manipulation, then maybe it stops him(?)
Is it wrong that I think you should have Emergency Services (911) check on him? You have it in writing that he's feeling suicidal. It *could* be true (even though I doubt it: sounds like alcoholic drama but who knows?)
I had an ex who threatened suicide when I broke up with him. I called on him, and they checked on him and he never made that kind of statement to me again. I mean if he needed help he would get it, if it's just a poor-me manipulation, then maybe it stops him(?)
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Originally Posted by biminiblue
heh.
Is it wrong that I think you should have Emergency Services (911) check on him? You have it in writing that he's feeling suicidal. It *could* be true (even though I doubt it: sounds like alcoholic drama but who knows?)
I had an ex who threatened suicide when I broke up with him. I called on him, and they checked on him and he never made that kind of statement to me again. I mean if he needed help he would get it, if it's just a poor-me manipulation, then maybe it stops him(?)
Is it wrong that I think you should have Emergency Services (911) check on him? You have it in writing that he's feeling suicidal. It *could* be true (even though I doubt it: sounds like alcoholic drama but who knows?)
I had an ex who threatened suicide when I broke up with him. I called on him, and they checked on him and he never made that kind of statement to me again. I mean if he needed help he would get it, if it's just a poor-me manipulation, then maybe it stops him(?)
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Originally Posted by Glenjo99
His cousin messaged me to say she was checking in on him and will let me know. I wouldn't just leave him if I thought there was no other contact there. I also feel it's the boy who cried wolf he does it so much. Hopefully I won't regret not answering him back. This stuff is so bloody messy and hard.
Right now he has two people who care about him completely engaged in his mess. Disengage and send a message that you won't be part of this kind of thing by sending in the professionals.
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Originally Posted by biminiblue
Well, EMTs or the Police at his door might stop him from that game.
Right now he has two people who care about him completely engaged in his mess. Disengage and send a message that you won't be part of this kind of thing by sending in the professionals.
Right now he has two people who care about him completely engaged in his mess. Disengage and send a message that you won't be part of this kind of thing by sending in the professionals.
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I am not engaging with that behaviour and I think his cousin thinks I'm cold for not, (she's the opposite).
Last edited by PuzzledHeart; 12-14-2018 at 09:53 AM. Reason: Typo
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Originally Posted by Glenjo99
Thanks for the replies. It's a pretty grim outlook. I'm so glad I've been looking after myself these last months and even these last week's, haven't got enmeshed in the situation, more looking at it from outside. Now is where I'll need my real strength, to say no to him moving in. He loves dogs and wants to come see mine.
His cousin has promised to buy him a puppy if he gives up alcohol. If it wasn't so serious I'd be laughing at that . If he's not giving it up for himself or close family a puppy isn't going to do it.
I'm guessing my cue will be to say, I love you, but can't have you live with me when drinking, but if you ever get sober I'll be here. I have a terrible feeling he's not going to make it.
His cousin has promised to buy him a puppy if he gives up alcohol. If it wasn't so serious I'd be laughing at that . If he's not giving it up for himself or close family a puppy isn't going to do it.
I'm guessing my cue will be to say, I love you, but can't have you live with me when drinking, but if you ever get sober I'll be here. I have a terrible feeling he's not going to make it.
honestly, I think you have been pretty enmeshed in the situation. I hope that some day you are not
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Originally Posted by Glenjo99
Been in touch with my friend/ex for last few weeks.
He went to go back to a new rehab today but he didn't like it and returned home to his cousins where he's staying. Has been on a Librium detox last few days.
It's clear to me now he doesn't really want to stop drinking bad enough, or is not ready or can't. Whichever it is, my question is what happens to him. His cousin is threatening to kick him out if he continues drinking. He has nowhere else to go. He has hinted at moving to mine but I'm scared/nervous of this idea.
He rang tonight wanting to know if he could come to mine and drink! I told him no. He said great help you are. I turned off phone. I felt bad but thought it for best. Maybe I should have done what someone else said here in another thread and said live and let live? Let him come and drink as that what he wants to do as an adult, but I'm up early tomorrow and need my sleep. Not sure.
He has been to 4 rehabs so far.
So what happens to someone who doesn't want to stop drinking . He's 26 but just can't seem to stop! Does he die? Will he kill himself?
He went to go back to a new rehab today but he didn't like it and returned home to his cousins where he's staying. Has been on a Librium detox last few days.
It's clear to me now he doesn't really want to stop drinking bad enough, or is not ready or can't. Whichever it is, my question is what happens to him. His cousin is threatening to kick him out if he continues drinking. He has nowhere else to go. He has hinted at moving to mine but I'm scared/nervous of this idea.
He rang tonight wanting to know if he could come to mine and drink! I told him no. He said great help you are. I turned off phone. I felt bad but thought it for best. Maybe I should have done what someone else said here in another thread and said live and let live? Let him come and drink as that what he wants to do as an adult, but I'm up early tomorrow and need my sleep. Not sure.
He has been to 4 rehabs so far.
So what happens to someone who doesn't want to stop drinking . He's 26 but just can't seem to stop! Does he die? Will he kill himself?
Don’t do it. I am currently in that situation and it’s taking a toll on my life.
"O you must wear your rue with difference".
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Originally Posted by tomsteve
please dont help dig his grave because you'll be diggin it for 2 only you wont physically die- only mentally and emotionally.
You can get a stress-related chronic illness that increases your chance of morbidity. Some people in long-term toxic situations commit suicide. Or if the situation is abusive, they can get killed. Or they don't have to be in an abusive situation to get killed, they just have to be in a car with a drunk driver... or driving a car with a ranting, out of control drunk beside them, distracting them. Also, not having money to care for yourself in your old age, because your savings were wiped out by an active addict, is going to mean you can't afford the medical care you need and you will be in the ground sooner.
I was in a relationship with an active addict for a long time and now have a permanent illness that I have to medicate in order to stay alive. My doctor, who has been my doctor since BEFORE the relationship started, said, "I have no idea how you survived"... and also, "if I had the power to have forced you to make a decision, I would have done that... but unfortunately people have free will."
So yeah... I think people who are stuck in it are so focused on what the addict is doing, they neglect their own health and safety.
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Without reading any of the previous inputs....What happens when an active alcoholic keeps drinking? They will die eventually. I came home the other night to find my AH's car door open, not in the garage, in the rain......my first (probably codependent) thought was "Oh my God, did he have a seizure while he was trying to bring the groceries in?!?" - - - - -- I might sound silly or conditioned....or both......but there is no happy ending with an alcoholic that doesn't get real about treatment. (My AH turned out to be fine....had just gotten "sidetracked" bringing the groceries in)
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Originally Posted by trailmix
Hey glenjo, how's it going?
It's going ok. I'm feeling quite anxious at the moment with the holidays and having to try manage my expectations with everyone.
He is still living at his cousins, had a couple of really nice days with him last week, went on a day trip and ate out for breakfast which he bought so things are going ok . He still drinks daily, so I've been trying to still look after me as best I can, although haven't been as disciplined as I had been. Me emotions overwhelm me at times wanting more from him than he can give and that is a constant challenge. I know I'm going to find the next couple of days hard, thinking I would like him to spend it with me, but he will stay with his cousin. I'm asked out to theirs Xmas night but I'm not sure I'll go, 3s company and all that.
Hope your keeping well
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