No contact, second time around! (My choice this time).
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No contact, second time around! (My choice this time).
So this morning the ex alcoholic in my life rang and texted and asked me to call around. After a few brief exchanges I got a feeling I was being used . So I decided to sent him a goodbye text. I explained that I am grateful for all I've learned from him, how I have learned I deserve better. That I don't deserve to hear about his latest tinder dates, get abusive texts and only be asked out for lifts etc and get nothing back. I said his addiction will always come first and I don't factor into it and I wish him best but I can't do it anymore.
He replied back that I was too intense and boring and he will get on just fine without me whinging on, that he only asked me out to give him a lift to the supermarket to get booze (under guise of asking me to breakfast, which was a can of diet cola by sounds of it).
So I've blocked his number now so NC starts all over again. I feel better that this time I chose it and it must say something for me that I could recognise the bad treatment and know I didn't deserve it. Last time he lived here, he used to do the same but I think I was so infatuated with him then I would put up with anything.
Don't get me wrong I feel anxious in my stomach and wonder am I boring and too serious? Should I just have been relaxed, had fun and went along for the ride and been more supportive. Have to be honest. Honest answer is I'm unsure but I think I may have taken a lot of my power back.
He replied back that I was too intense and boring and he will get on just fine without me whinging on, that he only asked me out to give him a lift to the supermarket to get booze (under guise of asking me to breakfast, which was a can of diet cola by sounds of it).
So I've blocked his number now so NC starts all over again. I feel better that this time I chose it and it must say something for me that I could recognise the bad treatment and know I didn't deserve it. Last time he lived here, he used to do the same but I think I was so infatuated with him then I would put up with anything.
Don't get me wrong I feel anxious in my stomach and wonder am I boring and too serious? Should I just have been relaxed, had fun and went along for the ride and been more supportive. Have to be honest. Honest answer is I'm unsure but I think I may have taken a lot of my power back.
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Originally Posted by PeacefulWater12 
No, you aren't too intense and boring, you aren't doing what he wants!! So drinker is having a tantrum!
Anyways, so what nice thing are you planning to do today? I am meeting a pal for coffee and a chat.
Anyways, so what nice thing are you planning to do today? I am meeting a pal for coffee and a chat.
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You totally did the right thing Glenjo!
Anxiousness and doubt will be natural right now because he had a very effecting power over you for so long .... so it'll take a bit of time for those feelings to dissipate.... and to get used to your newfound power !
And NO, you are not boring or too serious just because you chose not to be used and abused by him. Just because you chose not to go down that warped rabbit hole with him and his cousin. lol! He was drawn to you and was/is attracted to you, and therefore texting nonsense at you because he can't stand that you've pulled yourself away from his dysfunctional grip !
Your intuition lead you to protect yourself and that is great!
Anxiousness and doubt will be natural right now because he had a very effecting power over you for so long .... so it'll take a bit of time for those feelings to dissipate.... and to get used to your newfound power !
And NO, you are not boring or too serious just because you chose not to be used and abused by him. Just because you chose not to go down that warped rabbit hole with him and his cousin. lol! He was drawn to you and was/is attracted to you, and therefore texting nonsense at you because he can't stand that you've pulled yourself away from his dysfunctional grip !
Your intuition lead you to protect yourself and that is great!
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Originally Posted by Surfbee
You totally did the right thing Glenjo!
Anxiousness and doubt will be natural right now because he had a very effecting power over you for so long .... so it'll take a bit of time for those feelings to dissipate.... and to get used to your newfound power !
And NO, you are not boring or too serious just because you chose not to be used and abused by him. Just because you chose not to go down that warped rabbit hole with him and his cousin. lol! He was drawn to you and was/is attracted to you, and therefore texting nonsense at you because he can't stand that you've pulled yourself away from his dysfunctional grip !
Your intuition lead you to protect yourself and that is great!
Anxiousness and doubt will be natural right now because he had a very effecting power over you for so long .... so it'll take a bit of time for those feelings to dissipate.... and to get used to your newfound power !
And NO, you are not boring or too serious just because you chose not to be used and abused by him. Just because you chose not to go down that warped rabbit hole with him and his cousin. lol! He was drawn to you and was/is attracted to you, and therefore texting nonsense at you because he can't stand that you've pulled yourself away from his dysfunctional grip !
Your intuition lead you to protect yourself and that is great!
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Originally Posted by aasharon90
Use your gut feeling because it will
never steer you wrong. Stay as strong
as you are, continuing to build a healthy,
happy, serene life you wish for while
moving forward.
never steer you wrong. Stay as strong
as you are, continuing to build a healthy,
happy, serene life you wish for while
moving forward.
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Yes, what they said
And “boring” was always insult of choice for XAH towards me, along with many other things.
I now realize that he is the boring one, has no hobbies or friends, and never does anything, even though he is now not “burdened” with child rearing responsibilities and only works two days a week.
I am 100% sure you are not boring. Let him have fun with all the fun tinder girls (no offense to tinder as I have used it before)
And “boring” was always insult of choice for XAH towards me, along with many other things.
I now realize that he is the boring one, has no hobbies or friends, and never does anything, even though he is now not “burdened” with child rearing responsibilities and only works two days a week.
I am 100% sure you are not boring. Let him have fun with all the fun tinder girls (no offense to tinder as I have used it before)
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Originally Posted by Nata1980
Yes, what they said
And “boring” was always insult of choice for XAH towards me, along with many other things.
I now realize that he is the boring one, has no hobbies or friends, and never does anything, even though he is now not “burdened” with child rearing responsibilities and only works two days a week.
I am 100% sure you are not boring. Let him have fun with all the fun tinder girls (no offense to tinder as I have used it before)
And “boring” was always insult of choice for XAH towards me, along with many other things.
I now realize that he is the boring one, has no hobbies or friends, and never does anything, even though he is now not “burdened” with child rearing responsibilities and only works two days a week.
I am 100% sure you are not boring. Let him have fun with all the fun tinder girls (no offense to tinder as I have used it before)
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Translation:
boring= stable and secure
He probably said that to get under your skin. Also to make his lifestyle sound more glamorous than it really is. Like he’s living on the edge, and so important with the whirlwind of chaos he creates around him. But at the end of the day, it’s just plain ol’ substance abuse, instability and high risk behavior. It doesn’t sound like he values people, or like he’s able to sustain any kind of meaningful relationships.
boring= stable and secure
He probably said that to get under your skin. Also to make his lifestyle sound more glamorous than it really is. Like he’s living on the edge, and so important with the whirlwind of chaos he creates around him. But at the end of the day, it’s just plain ol’ substance abuse, instability and high risk behavior. It doesn’t sound like he values people, or like he’s able to sustain any kind of meaningful relationships.
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Originally Posted by pdm22
Translation:
boring= stable and secure
He probably said that to get under your skin. Also to make his lifestyle sound more glamorous than it really is. Like he’s living on the edge, and so important with the whirlwind of chaos he creates around him. But at the end of the day, it’s just plain ol’ substance abuse, instability and high risk behavior. It doesn’t sound like he values people, or like he’s able to sustain any kind of meaningful relationships.
boring= stable and secure
He probably said that to get under your skin. Also to make his lifestyle sound more glamorous than it really is. Like he’s living on the edge, and so important with the whirlwind of chaos he creates around him. But at the end of the day, it’s just plain ol’ substance abuse, instability and high risk behavior. It doesn’t sound like he values people, or like he’s able to sustain any kind of meaningful relationships.
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Yeah I understand how it is to having feelings for people who might not be the best for us, but I think you have too much knowledge now, about yourself and how this stuff works, to go just along with any of that again. Funny how a person’s perspective changes; what once seemed so exciting is seen in a whole new light, for what it is- draining, high drama BS :/
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Oh I understand how you feel; I cut off my ex- alcoholic we had no contact for 8 days than contacted me again saying a bunch or crazy mean stuff. Than no contact again for over 8 days. He has locked himself in a house and is just drinking himself to death.
Do not believe anything he says, I keep telling myself that we can't take it personal. You are an amazing person for walking away. It shows how strong you can be. I know these words hurt but they are just that, words.
Stay strong!
Do not believe anything he says, I keep telling myself that we can't take it personal. You are an amazing person for walking away. It shows how strong you can be. I know these words hurt but they are just that, words.
Stay strong!
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Originally Posted by lostinjersey1
Oh I understand how you feel; I cut off my ex- alcoholic we had no contact for 8 days than contacted me again saying a bunch or crazy mean stuff. Than no contact again for over 8 days. He has locked himself in a house and is just drinking himself to death.
Do not believe anything he says, I keep telling myself that we can't take it personal. You are an amazing person for walking away. It shows how strong you can be. I know these words hurt but they are just that, words.
Stay strong!
Do not believe anything he says, I keep telling myself that we can't take it personal. You are an amazing person for walking away. It shows how strong you can be. I know these words hurt but they are just that, words.
Stay strong!
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Originally Posted by SparkleKitty
Ah, yes, "boring" -- my XABF's favorite insult. What it really meant was that I expected him to behave like a responsible adult.
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Originally Posted by pdm22
Yeah I understand how it is to having feelings for people who might not be the best for us, but I think you have too much knowledge now, about yourself and how this stuff works, to go just along with any of that again. Funny how a person’s perspective changes; what once seemed so exciting is seen in a whole new light, for what it is- draining, high drama BS :/
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So I've blocked his number now so NC starts all over again. I feel better that this time I chose it and it must say something for me that I could recognise the bad treatment and know I didn't deserve it
When it comes to words, often there are no weapons stronger that hits directly at the heart. They seem to know our vulnerabilities and insecurities and they use those against us with words. BUT this is where are brain comes in and reassures us with logic that the words from an alcohol soaked mind are never ever a gauge for how we should see or feel about ourselves.
And they certainly should never be a sign of pulling a U-turn and running back for more!!!
You are doing the right thing for yourself. I know it doesn’t feel like the right thing because new healthier ways of approaching life and just that NEW and not that same old doesn’t work for me but is familiar habits.
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Originally Posted by atalose
I am really proud of you Glenjo99 for recognizing that you do not deserve that kind of treatment and that you stood up for yourself. Very nice!!!! I would say that your codependency recovery is shining proudly today.
When it comes to words, often there are no weapons stronger that hits directly at the heart. They seem to know our vulnerabilities and insecurities and they use those against us with words. BUT this is where are brain comes in and reassures us with logic that the words from an alcohol soaked mind are never ever a gauge for how we should see or feel about ourselves.
And they certainly should never be a sign of pulling a U-turn and running back for more!!!
You are doing the right thing for yourself. I know it doesn’t feel like the right thing because new healthier ways of approaching life and just that NEW and not that same old doesn’t work for me but is familiar habits.
When it comes to words, often there are no weapons stronger that hits directly at the heart. They seem to know our vulnerabilities and insecurities and they use those against us with words. BUT this is where are brain comes in and reassures us with logic that the words from an alcohol soaked mind are never ever a gauge for how we should see or feel about ourselves.
And they certainly should never be a sign of pulling a U-turn and running back for more!!!
You are doing the right thing for yourself. I know it doesn’t feel like the right thing because new healthier ways of approaching life and just that NEW and not that same old doesn’t work for me but is familiar habits.
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