LovePeaceSushi

I have been listening to Al Anon speakers. It's so nice to actually be able to laugh at myself and at the situation. I mean, it's a sad situation, I know. But to hear other people like me....to hear the craziness....it's been very therapeutic.

The latest crazy has been with my AH's ongoing bender. It's been going on for a month now, I guess. I am too depressed to actually pull up my Google Calendar. His car is in the shop. His courtesy car got parked right in the middle of our driveway yesterday. The fob got lost. Heaven help me, I will never own a car with a fob. Give me a good ol' key any day. And put a Tile Tracker on that b****. Tiles are my best friend. My dad had to get my daughter from school b/c I couldn't get out of the garage. She was there over an hour after school let out. I am thankful she was able to wait inside where it was warm. I found the fob. I moved his car. In the last 24 hours, I've found vodka in his car, hidden in our home, and an empty brown bag and vodka minis in his duffle bag from his out of town trip.

He's missed every day of IOP this week. I finally just told the truth to them. Either he'll get kicked out or they can talk him into to going to their inpatient facility.

You know what's crazy? I still don't want a divorce.

Hawkeye13

That does seem crazy, but we support you whatever your choice.

What impact do you think it is having on your kids at this point?
An unreliable drinking parent really is stressful for them.

Sasha1972

It's okay not to want a divorce. I'm sorry you're living through this insane bender. It sounds like your husband is continuously sucking energy out of everyone around him and not contributing any energy of his own.

Awal

Its so difficult to live with but difficult to imagine a life without them too.
I'm in a similar situation but no kids.
Maybe in time we will reach the end of our rope and say enough. Until then just keep breathing...try to stay calm (not easy l know) and know you arent alone...so many on here will give support x

RollTide

It's crazy but I understand. I was in the same place.

hopeful4

Only you can decide how much you can tolerate. Just please make sure you are putting your child and what is best for her as #1.

I am sorry.

dandylion

SPS.....sometimes, it comes down to what we need. What we need is not always what we want.....

One doesn't have to get divorced...one can get a separation...I know of people who never did get divorced....just lived separately....

I do think the presence of children, in the mix, does raise the stakes....

trailmix

You know what, it's ok to skate along in dysfunction and sadness, if that is what you want to do.

I don't mean that in some snarky way, i'm serious. Forever, for another 5 years, you get to choose.

The only suggestion I would offer is to be careful. Your mind is not made of steel. Depression, stress, worry, these are not zero sum things. They take a toll on you, mentally if in no other way.

People break down eventually, it is inevitable. Doesn't mean you will become some blithering mess crying on the kitchen floor but it does mean at some point this type of situation can start to wear you down mentally.

Please be cognizant of that if nothing else. Be aware of how it's affecting you so that you can head that off at the pass. Please look after yourself.

Kboys

I get it...
Big hugs to you and keep taking care of yourself

NYCDoglvr

Children are the real victims -- they have no choice.

LovePeaceSushi

FWIW, AH is not in the home right now. He's at his parents. I think in a weird way they like it like this because they get their son back. FIL buys AH booze (to ward off withdrawals) and MIL gets to cook for him and baby him. AH has an entire upstairs to just hole up in and drink.

Daughter has a bonfire to go to tonight. It's about an hour from here, so I will not likely take her, come home, and then pick her up when it's over. I guess I'll just sit in my car there and read a book until it's over. It's not what *I* want to do tonight, but I think she deserves to have a good time.