LovePeaceSushi

I like Dontreallycare's suggestion. That's what I would do if I were in your situation. I did a quick Amazon search and there's one that looks like it would do the trick for $17 - not too bad! https://www.amazon.com/Roride-RRKA-S...26919850&psc=1

Your AH may balk at this, like he's being treated like a child. Does he (when sober) admit to what a problem this is?

hopeful4

My father has dementia though he is very functioning. He is a docile person however, and he does realize his own limitations. My mother puts tape over all the controls and has told him not to touch them as one day he had left the gas on, obviously very alarming.

This has worked thus far. Again, like I said, he is compliant and knows he does things and that his best options are to listen to my mom. For now....

Thank you for sharing this experience even though it is painful. It has helped me see some other options I can share with my mom as things progress.

Sending you big hugs!

mylifeismine

Good suggestions here but please consider the harm that all this
anxiety is having on you. Just like alcoholism is progressive, we get
sicker and sicker living with an active alcoholic and dealing with
the absolute insanity of it all. I thought I was handling it all, but
I began to have serious health issues that I attribute to the anxiety
and the almost constant adrenaline supply from anxiety,
sleepnessness, and defending myself from the insanity of it all.

Please consider the toll this is really taking on you. I was in as much
denial about it as AH was about his alcoholism. ((hugs))

LLLisa

My XAH used to do stuff like this. It cost a lot. A lot of money, stress, anxiety, sleep, my health. He got DUI's and lost job after job. I had to decide to put myself first and am now divorced.

All I could see for my future was running after him and cleaning up the destruction he caused. Yes, he was always "sorry" and vowed to try to get better and not make stupid, drunken choices but he couldn't and still can't.

Put yourself first. You only have one life. Is this how you want to spend it?

Cyranoak

For the love of God. There are two choices. The first is to not live with him anymore. The second is to live with the fact that every time he is alone in the house, or you are asleep or distracted, he may burn your house down injuring or killing himself, and possibly you or a first responder.

That's it. There are no other choices.

FeelingGreat

Hi surviving, great suggestions from the others about the stove. I've learned a lot!

I second the poster who said that anxiety can be very bad for you. This is very true, and even if you learn to cope with it unless the source is removed it doesn't get much better.

Also you mentioned other worries about DUI and money. You can't do anything about the DUI, but you can take precautions about the money but setting up your own savings account as an emergency fund. I urge you to take steps to secure everything you need to run the house and pay the bills. If he runs up credit card debt, which you don't mention, you may be liable with him.

Hawkeye13

My mom set our kitchen / house on fire several times passing out while "drunk cooking"

The last time the smoke and toxins filled the upstairs where I was sleeping and almost killed me.

I had to crawl down the stairs and pull her drunk azz out the door onto the porch.

The neighbors had luckily all ready called the fire department, which was able to put out the fire and save our house.

this wasn't new--by then, I was a "veteran" at kitchen fires, having survived many flaming and burnt up melted pans on stoves, etc.
Oh, the joys of an alcoholic childhood. . . I can recall the burnt stench of charred electrical wiring even as I write this.

I believe I was about 14-15 years old that last time.

Glad I made it to adulthood (mostly)

You really need to think seriously if you can live with someone doing this,
because you have to sleep and be gone from the house, and just like that
it can get out of control and you're dead or homeless.

hopeful4

Hawkeye, that is terrible. I am so sorry you had to go through that, especially at such a young age.

Wamama48

How are you doing today? What did you decide to do?

MCESaint

Step one: Take a deeeepppp breath.

Step two: Call your homeowner's insurance agent. Ask him the following questions (just say you're curious or trying to become more informed, you don't have to explain -- he or she works for YOU, not vice versa).

Ask the following questions - is the policy a "replacement cost" policy or just an "actual cash value" policy? You want a "replacement cost" policy -- for both reconstructing your home *and* for your personal possessions. You might also ask if there is an "inflation rider" or "inflation adjustment" so that as the value of your home increases (and the cost to reconstruct increases) the policy limit also increases.

If you have homeowner's insurance, it will cover any accidental fire. And unless there is evidence of an *arson* fire - i.e., the fire was deliberately set - you won't go homeless.

Most responsible insurance companies will set you up at a local hotel or apartment. You'll also be given an allowance for clothing and personal items.

It would be helpful to you to - right now - before a fire might happen to take your cellphone and just record what is in each room generally. Save that file in safe place (e.g., email it to yourself). That way if there are any questions, you can show the adjuster that the melted lump of plastic really was an 80" HD LCD screen television.

Step Four -- its just STUFF. Stuff can be replaced. That's why there is such a thing as homeowner's insurance in the first place.

I'd be waaaayyyyy more concerned if you had young children or elderly parents living with you.

MCE Saint