Glenjo99

Just had a phonecall from my ex. Asked me to ring him back. He was in a state. Said he has been in 4 rehabs in last few months, got kicked out of two. Has been on the streets for while aswell. Is returning to his cousins tomorrow, she is taking him in (that lives in next town to me). Said he wants to reach out to me as he needs friends. Has been through the mill apparently over last few months. Admitted what he did to me was wrong in June. His parents have disowned him.


I'm shaking inside as this is not the image I had of what had happened. I don't know what to do. Should I entertain him, it's all so out of the blue, I'm in shock.

​

Hawkeye13

I think you are too vulnerable to let him back into your life right now.

He may be looking for a back-up soft landing in case he wears out his welcome with his cousin, or she has too many "rules" he must abide by.

kevlarsjal2

Mango212

From what I learned in Al-anon, one option is to act "as if". As if this day is yours to enjoy.

Food to eat.

Places to go or chores to be done. Music on? Quietness?




Prayer: Thank you, Higher Power for more awareness. I am open to your guidance.

SparkleKitty

dandylion

Glenjo…...are you aware that the following "Should I entertain him" is, actually, asking for advice.....? …..not just information or experience....

suki44883

You have worked very hard the past few months to get over him and what he did. Are you really considering throwing all that away just because he decided to call? What happens when he inevitably does the same thing again? He hasn't changed, but you have. Don't give him the chance to ruin your progress.

SmallButMighty

Glenjo.... it is not a coincidence that he did not want to talk to or see you...until he burned all his other bridges. Now he comes around with his tail between his legs... it's a classic move. Please don't get played.

You've learned and grown so much. Be calm. Breathe deeply. Think things through rationally.

*hugs*

Glenjo99

Thanks I have worked very hard. Just needed somewhere to vent. I can't believe the lengths he has sunk to. I'm going to give him a wide birth.

Glenjo99

Thanks, I need to breath and sleep on this. I'm very anxious. He has burned many bridges it seems but not with his cousin. He returns to her tomorrow.

Glenjo99

Yes I am. In stressful moment I asked for advice.

SmallButMighty

It took me a long time to learn to listen to my anxiety. For me it was a physical manifestation of my emotional instincts. If your fight or flight response has been triggered, I would suggest that you pay attention to that and maybe put some thought into why.

Hang in there friend.

Glenjo99

Thanks I will. Breathing now and thinking things out. He wants to ring me in a bit again. I'll turn off phone for few hours soon.

Mango212

Three things to keep in mind:

1. There is no "wrong" action. Framing things into "healthy" for self can help in guiding our thoughts.

2. We are each worthy of a big, good life.

3. "No." can be a complete sentence.

Michsm

Please stay strong. Reading your earlier posts and what you have gone through it is not worth it in my opinion. He has chosen his path and now you need to choose yours. You can be happy you just need time.

Clover71

pdm22

trailmix

That's the truth of the matter and I'm actually glad he called (which I'm sure you know) not because it's a "good" thing or I want you to be hurt or upset (which I am sure you already know) but because I'm glad you get to know the truth of it.

Few things to consider.

He said he knows what he did to you in June was wrong. I hope he at least apologized as well, not just said it was "wrong". This is November! Did he just come to this conclusion today? Is there some reason he couldn't have called in the last 5 months and apologized? Heck how about an email.

He didn't because as you know addiction is selfish, addicts are selfish, it's the nature of their condition. I know you know so much about addiction now I don't really need to tell you that.

Should you see him? Well that's up to you, of course. Whatever you choose, don't lose yourself in this. You have come so far and you are strong (which I think you now realize).

You know it's pretty amazing after all this time that he has the nerve to say " he wants to reach out to me as he needs friends". Well you could have used a "friend" back in June. There is right and wrong and he hasn't got right - quite right.

Regardless, we are here for you either way. No judgement.

Glenjo99

Yeh it was all about him. No he didn't apologise aswell, just send his brain is so messed up he can't do amends. He said nobody in their right mind would do what he did to me.

He was kicked out of 2 rehabs apparently, one for having sex with a girl. Came out in therapy he has been abused when younger.

I have a huge sick stomach ever since. Had a missed call from him earlier, I went to the gym. Need some time to think about what to say or do. I know he doesn't care about me. I'm just convenient as he's coming back to his cousins. Focus back on me today.

FeelingGreat

Hey Glenjo, of all the people who post here you are one of the hardest workers on your recovery, constantly looking for different approaches.

Now's the time it becomes more than theory, and hopefully your good work pays off.

Can I suggest you read your own posts from the beginning and you will see how far you've come?